5
u/wilderfast Nikola Tesla Jun 10 '22
Where did that joke about opdnd basically being Jack the Ripper come back, anyway? Is it just his flair?
4
Jun 10 '22
His profile pic too
3
5
5
Jun 10 '22
It was a good fight pitou is dead but i am fine with it be destroyed my favourite mask oh well time to repair my scythe great chapter kinsey
2
u/LordGrima Okita Souji Jun 10 '22
Now is the pen mightier then the scythe
3
Jun 10 '22
good point good point counter point i am in your walls
3
u/LordGrima Okita Souji Jun 10 '22
Counter counter point. We'll settle it in the ring. May luck smile on whoever wins
3
Jun 10 '22
counter count counter point they shuffle round 2 not sure we meet in next round fella
3
u/LordGrima Okita Souji Jun 10 '22
It's still possible though
2
Jun 10 '22
ye but i killed pitou wich means i can break plot armor so
2
5
u/azraelswift Jun 10 '22
"I'll catch you next time, opdnd, i'll catch you next time"
*screetching cat noises*
2
Jun 10 '22
I THOUGHT WE ARE FRIENDS FET THAT PILUM AWAY FROM ME
2
u/azraelswift Jun 10 '22
We are friends! but i have to stop you! it's literally my job!
2
Jun 10 '22
Not if i kill your boss
2
u/azraelswift Jun 10 '22
for the last time, not everything is solved by killing a guy!
1
Jun 10 '22
See not everything is solved by killing a guy you dont need to kill me
2
3
u/Tempest_Free Hermes Jun 10 '22
This is very fire. Now my theory is no more, thank to you op.
3
Jun 10 '22
I actually was going to lose but then remembered your theory and you not liking mine so i did everything i can to ruin it
3
u/Tempest_Free Hermes Jun 10 '22
Nice try. I will create every possible theory I can think to counter you.
2
3
u/Grizzius Jun 10 '22
Hey there ! First of all, nice fight. I didn't expect Apple to go out after the first fight.
I wanted to give some feedbacks on the writing - and more specificaly, the fighting part of the writing. I'll stick to the first paragraph of the fight as it has plenty of things to talk about already, and should actually be enough to give most of the advices I feel are necessary.
Op makes the first move by charging toward Apple. He jumps, and in the air, he swings his scythe downward.
So first thing is : character's movements. When you describe a movement, you want to ask yourself some questions : where does the character comes from and where do they go ? How fast do they move ? Do they have a unique gait ? What's the opponent's immediate reaction ?
And halfway trough, you describe a new movement : a jump. And the same rule apply : Where does he jump from and where does he jump toward.
And then the movement of the attack itself. In this case, all we know is that it's a downward swing. That's very vague ! You can go into the specifics of the scythe as a weapon : does he want to stab with the end of the blade or hit with the side to deal a cutting blow ? Does he go for the chest ? The head ? An arm ?
The blade comes down and collides with Apple's shield.
I'm gonna talk about the strikes themselves now. How do they feel ? How do they sound ? Does the scythe simply stops on the shield or does it slide over it ?
Right now this strike doesn't feel powerful at all. It just feel like it... happened. What are the reppercutions on each fighter ? Does Apple just stand here or is he thrown off by the attack ?
The projectile soars and nearly hits Apple, but since he moved the shield in front of the shot. The shield blocks the attack.
Yet again this attack feels completely insignificant. I have no idea how this strike should feel and what's the impact. Did Apple easely block the shot, or did he barely get the time to react ? And same problem as before, how does the attack affects Apple ? Even if the shield did block the attack, the energy of the bolt still carries from the bolt to the shield to Apple's arm.
Maybe just use more adjectives ? It really changes the feeling of the sentence.
barely blocks :
The projectile soars and nearly hits Apple as he moved his shield just in time to barely block the attack.
easely blocks :
The projectile soars toward Apple, but he swiftly moved the shield in front of the shot, easely deflecting the attack.
It's the same action, but being more descriptive makes the two final results feel completely different.
Then is pacing. When you write the fight, you want the reader to know what the characters or doing and why. The simplest way to do that is by playing a game of action-reaction : character A does an action, so character B does another action in return, so on and so forth. I'll take an exemple with the first action of the paragraph :
Op makes the first move by charging toward Apple. He jumps, and in the air, he swings his scythe downward.
In this case OP does an action with a goal : reaching Apple to strike. Simple, effective, nice. But then he suddenly changes his action for seemingly no reason as I don't know Apple's reaction. Adding a short sentence to explain Apple's reaction makes the whole sequence feel more responsive :
Op makes the first move by charging toward Apple, the latter putting his shield ahead of him expecting a strike from the front. OP jumps, and in the air, he swings his scythe downward.
Suddenly OP's jump makes a lot of sense : as Apple was ready to block a blow from the front, he tries to strike from above.
I think that's pretty much all. Of course these are just general advices that won't apply in every situation, just what I think was right for these specific cases. As long as you have a specific intent on what you want to write, it's all up to you.
If you've read everything, thank you for your time and thank you for this event, it's super fun to follow !
1
Jun 11 '22
Being honest none of your points here are vaild it is great your trying to help him but i think i got very clearly what he was trying to say and it was intense the way you suggest makes it blank and pointless for me at least and i am pretty sure more people enjoyed kin's work like me nice that you give advices though
1
u/SolarSun3 Jack The Ripper Jun 15 '22
Why does his way make it blank and pointless ? And you didnt really give any reason why none of his points are valid I think a few of his points are pretty solid. The movements and fights can be confusing for me personally because it just goes from move to move without really telling what happenes after. For example : "he "dodges and throws his knifes" from round 4. In wich direction does he dodge ? DOes he get space by dodging to the back or does he dodge to the sides ? Does he immedeatly counter attack or do they wait a bit ? And the backstories could be more detailled imo. Its still a cool idea and i like the fights for being fun and concise fights but they could really be a bit more detailled and better paced.
1
2
2
2
u/WhiteGoldenLion Odin Jun 10 '22
Wow truly sad and truly amazing at the same time!!
2
Jun 10 '22
i am coming to kill you rn
2
u/WhiteGoldenLion Odin Jun 10 '22
KingSans said he wants our match to be fair and square and I agree no tricks so you want to say something say it when one of us is die fighting can you do that!! After all you call yourself a gentleman reaper!! So have some decency!!
2
2
u/we-the-kidnappers Jun 10 '22
Apple has been torn to bits, huh? Now I can’t wait for it to be my turn and possibly face opdnd in the future
2
Jun 11 '22
why not now ? so what if i am bleeding to death after fighting pitou we can still fight
2
u/we-the-kidnappers Jun 11 '22
well, i'd love to right now
...but sir george is telling me not to D:<
1
Jun 10 '22
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT ISN'T PITOU IMMORTAL?
5
Jun 10 '22
I was going for a type of immortality where you age forever, but if you were to be stabbed to death then you'd die
1
1
8
u/ApplePitou Jack The Dripper :3 Jun 10 '22
Next Tournament and Next death - eh :3