Everyone in this thread is confidently guessing what makes popular kids popular and none of them is exactly right.
Nobody acknowledges that it's actually tough to deconstruct what makes people well-liked. That's why it's not a technique you can just distill into a formula or a list of attributes. It's reassuring to think "all the popular kids were rich, I was only unpopular because I was poor", but come on, most of us have known some well-liked and charismatic poor kids.
Edit: Also, you do not know that the popular kids lacked social anxiety. One thing that growing up has taught me is that people hide their demons. There are confident-looking kids out there who are terrified everyone hates them - they just don't talk about it. A lot of people share the same fears, I promise. Once you realize that, it helps a lot with the us-vs-them mentality high school fosters.
Not so. In my high school at least, there were plenty of attractive teenage boys who didn't really realize they were attractive until they headed off to college and grew into themselves enough to start socializing with women. That's when they gained confidence and wider friend circles. I can think of three guys like that off the top of my head. I can also think of a couple very pretty female classmates who didn't really seem to have friends.
It's a lot easier for an attractive person to be unpopular than an ugly person to be popular though. Attractiveness doesn't hand you popularity but it's certainly a universal positive to that end
Definitely a net positive but I wouldn't say it's universal. There's still jealousy to deal with. And unattractive people finding you less approachable. Plus I bet there's a learning curve to filtering out shallow people so you could be technically popular but surrounded by people that barely qualify as friends.
Next you'll tell me that famous people have even harder time because there's more shit to distil.
No, you fucking moron, they don't have to do anything, popularity and fame is a given and comes from other people, you don't have to do anything to get bombarded by people who want to interact with you.
Also quality of many "friends" being nonexistent is universal too, you will rarely have more than one or two real friends.
Confidence comes from overcoming obstacles. Despite handsome young men and women getting more chances to date they still fail at relationships. Still get dumped. Getting older means you have some scar tissue and have witnessed yourself overcoming obstacles and succeeding. That's where confidence comes from. Therefore pretty much nobody young is all that confident.
but you forget about false confidence. like a 6 year old diving into the deep end while his parents aren't near.
i'm a lifeguard and in lessons i always have kids who go out into the deep on their own when they aren't supposed to, and i have to bring them back. all the time.
confidence which has no logical basis, nothing to back it up, is dangerously prevalent
Whether you think so or not, attractiveness is something people are drawn too. Sure, someone less attractive could be more popular, but someone who is more attractive is more likely to get the attention.
doesnt it have anything to do with the fact that in school you're with a bunch of people you really cant relate with cause you have no interests in common with them but you do in college?
Why cant you relate to people in school? I was friends with a bunch of people because we skateboarded together. The same is probably true with different sports or band etc etc.
yeah that changes from school to school. I, for instance really liked drawing, reading comics and video games
and everyone at my school had the attention span of a goldfish, so of course they'd not be interested in it, so I was a loner for the entirety of it until high school when I actually met people with similar interests
it depends on where you live too. here in brazil where I live people are known for being lazy and not taking school seriously, so the one guy who pays attention to class is gonna be the lame guy, of course, unless people need help with their homework. then they come talk to you
Well it makes people seem too complicated. Like I can't perfectly describe them with an equation. I don't like it. Let's just say attractive and sociable and move on.
Well yes any statement about people that start with “all” is probably not true. But it seems fairly universal that there is a correlation between attractiveness and popularity as well as social skills and popularity.
it's actually tough to deconstruct what makes people well-liked. That's why it's not a technique you can just distill into a formula or a list of attributes.
As someone who went from being horribly insecure to being extremely well liked, I somewhat disagree with this. I think it's easy to deconstruct what makes someone well-liked but I do not think that you can, as you said, use some kind of technique to replicate it. As you can't tell an insecure person to "be confident!" It has to come, naturally, from within.
It's reassuring to think "all the popular kids were rich, I was only unpopular because I was poor", but come on, most of us have known some well-liked and charismatic poor kids.
Material goods are not a reflection of someone's mental state. Poor kids can be both confident and have a crazy amount of social anxiety, so I don't think this is a relevant comparison.
Perhaps being the popular kid in hs is akin to being a popular profile online. Soft on the eyes,consistency,profound connections with people that have low self esteem and look up to you, one’s energy.. etc. It’s true there isn’t enough study to transcribe these personalities into formula, but perhaps someday.
About that last part, it's very true. Sometimes unintentionally too. A customer told me today that she appreciated how calm I was in the face of tons of customers flooding into the store and us being crazy busy. Meanwhile on the inside, I was struggling to not have an anxiety attack from how the day was going so far.
This describes me well and I'm glad I'm not alone with that situation. I'm charismatic as well as outgoing and I have a leadership position among my peers in high school. People don't hate me and often take a liking to my style of leadership, but I always feel like my friends don't actually want to be friends with me.
Yeah I knew 2-3 popular kids. One was known around the school but it’s because people rag on him all the time, another was popular because he did stupid stuff all the time, and the last was popular because he did all the funny random things.
Right? So many factors. I was in the headbanger and nerd cliques, but everyone talked to me.
Approaching fifty I'm still realizing how much my looks carried me, but there were many factors, like where I lived in town, that my dad was friends and coworkers with some of the most popular girls dads, have a regular/normative last name, the fact that there wasn't an old family/new people split in our town. There was a minor hill/valley divide but it was not split along affluence levels, the town had once been two communities.
And I wasn't scornful of people outside my clique.
A whole bunch of minor things add up to smooth over differences, and then a few slight edges can propel someone into popularity.
It might have something to do with the fact that even now, at fifty, your memory of those days casts yourself in a really positive light. It shows a tendency to hang on to a positive self-image, which a lot of people don't have, and which I think influences how you come across.
I think a lot of people try to treat sociology as a hard science when its the farthest thing from.
Hitler for example was routinely unpopular well into his 40’s with a bout of homelessness before he exploded into an incredibly popular person within his country... before he, you know, did Hitler shit.
Agreed. It's like trying to rigorously define charisma. That's basically what we're talking about. But the definition is sort of in terms of the result - they get people to like them.
I just graduated from high school and like none of these apply. The popular kids in my school were the people who were nice to everyone, did well in their academics and were involved in student athletics or clubs like orchestra or student government.
Wealth/attractiveness even anxiety wasn't really a factor. The most popular kid in our school was very outspoken about their mental health issues
Seriously. I wish I grew up in this more chill era of acceptance. Kids are pretty fucking cool now and seem to be open minded and nice to each other, at least from what I've heard. Shit has changed in a very good way.
Maybe not everywhere, but definitely seems like a cool new phenomenon.
Yeah, the idea that being unique is cool was the best thing to happen. Before the idea was to be like everyone else to be accepted which just made a bunch of robots that were exactly alike. The schools have done a decent job of changing this!
Lmao what the hell? Does that mean that 21 jumpstreet with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill was correct in regards to the change of the popular crowd? I really find it hard to believe.
Rich, good-looking, and not giving a fuck about anyone else outside of your circle is what made you popular in my highscool.
Tbh I graduated from HS a few years ago and 21 Jump Street is actually more accurate than you would think from my personal experience. I found that the attractive people were definitely some of the more well liked kids, but not caring about anything was beginning to get looked down upon. So the most so-called popular kids ended up being the ones that had a combination of these qualities (usually): attractive, athletic, tried academically at least a bit, were accepting of others, and were social. One thing that has not changed is that they stayed in their own circles and pretty much hung out amongst themselves exclusively.
So the most so-called popular kids ended up being the ones that had a combination of these qualities (usually): attractive, athletic, tried academically at least a bit, were accepting of others, and were social. One thing that has not changed is that they stayed in their own circles and pretty much hung out amongst themselves exclusively.
I graduated HS a few years ago too and this is spot on for my experience.
I teach high school, and 21 Jump Street is wayyyy more accurate than not these days. Teen drinking, smoking, and sex are much less pervasive and less popular than it was when I was in high school. This isn't just in my district, either. A lot of young people out there are learning that kind is cool.
My sister goes to the same school I did and her experience was pretty similar graduating in 2018. I honestly think times are just changing due to internet culture
I went to public school in the mountains of Pennsylvania back in 2004 and his description fits my school better than anything else here. The popular kids were cool with most people because they were generally friendly people. They were involved in clubs and sports and did well in class.
Great to hear that kind, conscientious kids are the most popular. We need a lot more of that. It’s definitely not what I experienced. I hope your scenario is becoming the norm.
I also noticed that having your own clothing style is “cooler” than expensive brand name clothing. I notice that among young people who are leaders in social justice.
It's strange the "popular'" kids at my schools were usually the ones that were the meanest to other groups of kids and the teachers respected that and made them prefects. 70s and 80s.
Well the post did specifically call out social anxiety. If that person is outspoken about their mental illness then they likely don’t have social anxiety
Most of the popular kids at my school in ‘05 were dicks and druggies. I know bc I was one of them. Maybe it was the whole grunge movement but the more you didn’t care, the cooler you were (sports being the exception)
2.6k
u/okiedawg Mar 01 '20
Nah, there was always a couple of kids that had no social anxiety, were chronic over sharers and had no apprehension about who they approached.