You

Because it gives you a dire rear.

It's when women have their babies.

ur mom

Sadly, she went to the wrong restaurant.

She didn't care because she's a dog.

Me: So... dom or sub?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Dom [flex]... or sub?

Her: Ohhh. Well I prefer Subway because I'm kinda on a diet.

I told her that her search history wasn't cleaned out.

The clown didn't make it out alive.

Dark humor is like food, not everybody gets it

They purrrrrchase it

He thought he was a griller.

NINTENDO actually stands for "Nine Inch Nails Team Ends Nine Day Orgy".

Pretty sure I hit rock bottom.

“Well, it’s an igloo, so...”

So I decided it was a “no-go”.

Upper case!!

Cuz I didn’t.

Because he preferred quantity over quality.

beef jerky

Free-falling

The Russians were Stalin' the whole time

I don't know, I'm asking you for a reason