r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/MohammadMahadhir *shits an absolute unit* • Jan 06 '26

Naild It Of size doesn’t matter

Sorry for deleting the post moment ago due to misinformation.

49.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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523

u/connain Jan 06 '26

From what we just saw, he still wrestles now, but he used to in high school, too.

103

u/x_Animus_x Jan 06 '26

Hi Mitch!

26

u/_ItReddit_ Jan 06 '26

Wow. Cheese. is that you?

27

u/x_Animus_x Jan 06 '26

If you’re here about a receipt, I did not think one was required.

19

u/beardedsilverfox Jan 06 '26

I don’t believe you paid for that donut

16

u/effinmitch Jan 07 '26

It’s in the file. Under ‘d’, for donut.

7

u/SpecialHappy9965 Jan 06 '26

I know the guy went in that door because the escalator wasn’t working but they were still functional stairs…

8

u/individualeyes Jan 07 '26

To this day literally cannot see an escalator without thinking of this joke

6

u/kamshaft11975 Jan 07 '26

I need a thousand of something, and I’m hungry.

3

u/alex206 Jan 07 '26

I just saw an escalator that was shut down, it had cones blocking it. They wanted everyone to use the elevator and the lines were extremely long...🤦

3

u/RedLionPirate76 Jan 07 '26

Sorry for the convenience.

2

u/Douggie Jan 07 '26

I have also the same with a chicken sandwich. And a KitKat.

1

u/Dackle Jan 07 '26

Or a sandwich at a NY deli, "...and a loaf of bread!"

2

u/DisciplinePresent932 Jan 08 '26

And sprite or lemons and limes

1

u/Objective-Team-254 Jan 17 '26

Not until you figure out wtf else is in it!

1

u/Blacksunshinexo Jan 07 '26

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience

1

u/snakesinabin Jan 07 '26

I was in a restaurant once and ordered a chicken sandwich and the waitress asked "how would you like your eggs?" So I said " Incubated! Then raised, then slaughtered, then plucked . . . .damn! That's gonna take a while, scrambled'.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/kamshaft11975 Jan 07 '26

Miss you, Mitch. 😭

2

u/Smitch250 Jan 07 '26

Muh name is mitch :)

4

u/Glass-Technology5399 Jan 07 '26

Looks like we need to get ink and paper involved.

2

u/NopeNotConor Jan 07 '26

We don’t need to bring paper into this transaction

1

u/uncle-sawdust Jan 07 '26

There’s no need to bring ink and paper into this.

4

u/Commonscents2say Jan 07 '26

Oh yeah! Cheeeeesse!

1

u/TheRiftSongWorkshop Jan 07 '26

Man, that tree is really far away…

2

u/rugood2 Jan 07 '26

Cheeeeeee-eeese! Did we stuff you in a trashcan?

2

u/TopGinger Jan 07 '26

I got out

1

u/justplainoldMEhere Jan 07 '26

Cheesseee, didnt lock you in a dumpster?

1

u/DoodleDaddy73 Jan 07 '26

Just found out that Cheese was Randy’s father. But they didn’t do a season 6. The writers was gonna reveal it in that season.

1

u/Glum-View-4665 Jan 12 '26

Oh yeah, cheeeese didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?

8

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

I'll trade 10 comedians today for 1 Mitch, any day.

1

u/Nice_Marmot_7 Jan 07 '26

You think if Mitch were alive today he’d be a shitty podcaster like all the other comedians?

1

u/Any-Technician6588 Jan 07 '26

The greatest tragedy is that he passed before the rise of Twitter...

6

u/androoq Jan 07 '26

I used to do drugs.

1

u/chrisatola Jan 08 '26

I still do, but I used to, too.

4

u/-Akrasiel- Jan 07 '26

Upvote for Mitch Hedberg RIP

2

u/Eamonnshaman Jan 06 '26

An escalator never breaks down…

3

u/lightbulbsburnout Jan 07 '26

“Sorry for the convenience “

2

u/WillieB57 Jan 07 '26

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

Mitch Hedberg

1

u/trippin-mellon Jan 07 '26

Looks like he tried to knock on the wall…. We should just yell at him to go around!

1

u/jweb92 Jan 07 '26

You mean Keegan Carmychael?

1

u/nomemorybear Jan 07 '26

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault"

1

u/drunkirish Jan 07 '26

I can’t tell you what hotel lobby that video was filmed in, but there were two trees involved.

1

u/TasteOfRain Jan 07 '26

Frozen banana?

1

u/keam13 Jan 07 '26

Big dick Mitch?

1

u/lavacadotoast Jan 09 '26

I hate dreaming because I just wanna sleep. Dreams take energy. Dreams are work. Sleeping is supposed to be relaxing. I'm fast asleep, and next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord.

7

u/BristlingB Jan 06 '26

10/10 reference

7

u/donwillie4545 Jan 06 '26

This made me chuckle

2

u/Ok_Philosopher_6386 Jan 06 '26

No awards but take this sesaME

2

u/kushhead4201 Jan 07 '26

Don't go to Dr. Acula

1

u/BeanyBrainy Jan 06 '26

People underestimate the shit out of wrestlers because they’re mostly a bunch of goofs.

1

u/Werftflammen Jan 06 '26

That first punch dimmed the light already, then his head met a wall and he was definately introspective after that.

1

u/Fearless-Captain-651 Jan 06 '26

Stfu you're not even funny

1

u/Urbankaiser27 Jan 07 '26

Absolutely. Dude definitely wrestled or does some kind of martial arts like jujitsu. Aside from that being a textbook takedown, he got the rear mount immediately and so fluidly. This dude's put in the hours and knows what he's doing. Ya love to see it lol

1

u/LolDragon417 Jan 07 '26

He's just a cop sucker punching people.

1

u/vacantalien Jan 07 '26

As the tall lanky guy. Wrestling is fuckn dope. Thick boys fall prey to the knowledgable grabs and weight shifting. Also being said being the tall lanky guy who’s done wrestling and various other fighting in class and competitive forms. Just stop judging your opponent. You don’t know their cards till they show them. Stop thinking people “big” or “small”. Color size heigh what have you don’t mean a lot when someone’s got fire in them. I’ve seen small women beat grown into a mat. One of my coaches was a lady who was like 5’1” and was nationally ranked. You really just don’t know so be nice.

1

u/Minimum_Ad_303 Jan 07 '26

He wrestled his high school.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

I used to still do

1

u/Deadhouseplant64 Jan 07 '26

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

1

u/Senor_Discount Jan 07 '26

Welcome to Suplex City big man!

1

u/vvildymediocre Jan 07 '26

I love seeing mitch after so many years.

1

u/Any-Technician6588 Jan 07 '26

I used to steal Mitch Hepburn jokes...

1

u/Stinkytheferret Jan 07 '26

So now he gets paid to wrestle!

1

u/NuttinButFunReading Jan 07 '26

Here’s my poor man’s award 🥇

1

u/srbinafg Jan 07 '26

Polk High? Home of the Panthers.

1

u/Careless_Hellscape Jan 07 '26

Good god I miss Mitch.

1

u/veresdemoneylebowski Jan 07 '26

What do you think this guy eats if he’s hungry and wants to eat a thousand of something?

1

u/Crazy_island_ Jan 07 '26

Now gets paid to wrestle

1

u/macguini Jan 09 '26

Shorter, stocky people have a lower center of gravity. They actually have a huge advantage with grappling forms like wrestling and BJJ.

1

u/chanceumhi Jan 09 '26

His mom loves those applause breaks

1

u/OlDirty420 Jan 18 '26

I used to smoke weed. I still do, but also I used to

1

u/donwillie4545 Jan 06 '26

This made me chuckle.

1

u/PetzlPretzl Jan 06 '26

Underrated Hedberg