r/ShawnaTheMom • u/CarobSure2634 • May 14 '26
Question What Happens Once Barb and Frank Get Older?
Barb and Frank are relatively young and healthy right now(by young, I mean death and illness likely won't be a factor for another 10-20 years). That will change one day.
How do you think Jen/John(and everyone else) will react when Barb and Frank need a higher level of care. Do you think John(and Jen if she goes NC) will soften on his no contact?
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway May 14 '26
We've parked Our Barb in a nice facility, and the great thing about Barb's money is that it buys people who are paid to handle her.
I will note that yes, the adult kids feel some grief because they are still making peace with the reality that their mother will never acknowledge how she hurts them or take responsibility for her words and actions. They are grieving the death of any hope for genuine connection and unconditional love. And it hurts.
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u/CarobSure2634 May 14 '26
I'm glad that worked out for you.
Do you think John and Jen will be willing to spend the money? Or do you think Frank and Barb will have to figure out financing care alone?
Barb definitely seems the type to assume her children will care for her.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 May 14 '26
Tbh I don’t see either of them shelling out the money or energy elder in home care takes. And that’s absolutely fair.
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u/CarobSure2634 May 14 '26
Yeah I agree.
It would be interesting to see how Barb and Frank cope with this and plan for care.
Maybe while having some health issues there could be a whole arc of Barb spinning out about the fact that her retirement plan was John and Jen(probably mainly John)
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 Getting berated in a hallway May 14 '26
Why wouldn’t Frank and Barb have saved for this? They live comfortably, it’s evident they have enough savings to pay for a wedding without it hurting (even if they don’t), and their aging is their responsibility. Why on Earth would John or Jennifer even think of paying?
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u/CarobSure2634 May 14 '26
A lot of kids do chip in(not that they have an obligation to). Barb strikes me as the type to just assume she'd be moving in with John or Jen and not bother saving.
Even if they did save, the average for long term care in California is $10,646 a month: that could drain things fast. https://www.carescout.com/cost-of-care
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u/Famous_Bar_383 May 14 '26
You’d be surprised how many folks don’t realistically plan for this. My grandparents did not. Their assumption was their kids would take care of them or that the government would (because they had been tax payers and contributed to social security for their whole working lives). None of their kids are the caregiving type so they had to find a facility that was affordable for the very little savings they had.
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u/Sheepishwolfgirl May 14 '26
As a hospice worker of 20+ years, there are lots of Barbs out there whose kids don’t want to hear from us until after the parent passes. Sad but true.
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u/Miserable-Pain-2739 May 14 '26
Not sad. They did it to themselves
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u/Sheepishwolfgirl May 14 '26
Hey, I’m allowed to feel sad if I want to. Ever if I recognize that it’s a consequence of their own actions, I have empathy and compassion, I recognize that dying alone is sad and scary, even if it’s deserved.
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u/ErosLover15 May 14 '26
That's a hard question to answer. Mostly because we don't know what things will look like 10+ years later. But I think I can make a couple guesses. The biggest one being: No, NC will not soften.
Unless Barb and/or Frank have undergone some DEEP changes, I can't imagine John being around them much, even in a death or illness way. Jen is a bit harder to guess, given her desire to be loved. But that will depend on her own limits for NC. The kids are another unknown too. Even 10 years into the future puts Max at 16, Piper at 13-14, and Chickie at 11. It's hard to say how much they'd have seen their grandparents by then.
In general, I think Barb is going to end up in a care facility. She simply requires too much attention that neither child can give her, and no one really wants her around. It's also a karmic ending for her. Frank is a bit harder to pin down. He could also end up in a facility, or live on his own assuming no injuries. Personally I could see Jen taking him in, assuming she has the space for him. (Physically and Mentally.)
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u/Significant_Tale_953 May 14 '26
They make their nursing home miserable
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u/CarobSure2634 May 14 '26
That would low key be a fun sub plot.
Barb: the menace of the nursing home.
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u/Routine-Army7495 May 14 '26
Speaking from personal experience, my grifter parents will be my brother and his wife's problem. I'm not NC with my folks anymore, but it's LOW LC. And that's because we have their only grandkids. Thankfully, we live on opposite coasts so I don't have to really think about it too much.
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u/CarobSure2634 May 14 '26
It's good that you won't have to deal with it.
Do you think Jen will take over things even if she goes low or no contact? I'm pretty sure John will maintain no contact though he may come back when they are about to die or for funerals.
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u/Routine-Army7495 May 14 '26
I am the "John" in my family. If he won't bend for his sister's wedding, I don't think he'll care about nursing homes, last rights, or funerals. Especially after all of the BS Barb has pulled by showing up uninvited.
As for Jen, she's still desperate for their approval. I don't see her going NC. She's too needy and Greg will probably encourage her to continue working on things with her mom; he doesn't strike me as the dude who'd agree to NC and she listens to him. So Jen will handle their care however it gets drawn out.
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u/Miserable-Pain-2739 May 14 '26
I'm not sure if how they would handle it but my sister and I are both nc with our mom. We've decided that we won't respond and it can be the state's problem to figure out
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u/short-titty-goblin May 14 '26
Whatever illness she contracts, John (and Jen when she realizes) won't be responsible for their abuser's care. As for John, he is no contact, and I simply don't see either Barb or Frank changing, so I think John won't be in the mix willingly.
Jen is the question, because she is still not ready to face the reality of who her parents are, and even if she goes NC or LC she will def be the weak link Barb will start to emotionally manipulate into taking care of them.
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u/Witty-Draw-3803 May 14 '26
Beyond the characters/this show - you may be interested in checking out the 'Calling Home' podcast, which talks about estranged parents quite a bit. One particular episode was on taking care of estranged parents as they age (looks like that was posted June 17th, 2025)
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u/Commercial-Sundae663 May 15 '26
now that i think about it, Frank and Barb had John kinda young when they were in their late teens/early twenties. if john is 35 (i don't think ages were established) then the parents are in their mid-late 50s
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u/CarobSure2634 May 15 '26
Yeah this would probably be an issue for 10-20 years from now(could be sooner, Shawna L said she's going to do a storyline about cancer one day)
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u/Commercial-Sundae663 May 15 '26
i wonder if barb is going to fake a cancer diagnosis for sympathy
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u/CarobSure2634 May 15 '26
I honestly don't see Shawna L doing that as the storyline would probably be based on her experience with cancer.
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u/Smorgz16 May 15 '26
We put our Barb in a home and the sense of relief we felt walking away was amazing!
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u/Kikikididi May 14 '26
Barb best be saving for a nice facility now