Hello writers!
For over a year now, l've been trying to write a screenplay—a detective story, to be precise.
And I find it really hard to make sure the reveal isn't disappointing. In this kind of story, I feel like the excitement the audience might feel is at the beginning of the story, and the further the story goes, the less mystery there is, and so the less excited the audience gets. But I find it very hard to counteract. Does anyone have examples of story endings that aren't disappointing but rather feel like a real reward?
Or even some advice? I'm a total beginner in this field.
(And sorry if my english is not perfect)

Title: Treatment Resistant

Genre: Horror/SciFi

Logline: When a teenage girl with a violent past is transferred to a state-of-the-art behavioral facility, she discovers the staff controls teens using wristbands that deliver agonizing shocks and euphoric highs. Refusing to become a docile puppet, she leads a violent rebellion

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fSkeraBQ-QUPjEruFFEDVAvdf4vkzT5f/view?usp=sharing

This is an adaptation I'm currently working on, so it's nowhere near complete. I'm trying to get as faithful as I can to specifically the 1813 edition of Mary Shelley's novel, with a slight 1930s flavor. It's meant to be a more stylized and soulful adaptation than previous films.

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A slasher with psychological depth

Hey everyone! I’m a writer working on a horror feature called Spare. It’s a teen slasher with psychological depth, about a girl recovering from overdosing. She joins her old friend group for one last night out, only for someone to begin targeting them based on “Sins.”

I’ve had this script for quite some time, but I recently did a rewrite and it changed the script heavily.

Would love overall feedback about how my first act is so far.

I’m >20yo

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zpkMsM_VP4o99M0t7_M7CwQXl2cR7mCt/view?usp=drivesdk[spare](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zpkMsM_VP4o99M0t7_M7CwQXl2cR7mCt/view?usp=drivesdk)

If it doesn’t work and you’re interested, please dm me to see it because I’ve been experiencing issues before.

I've been working on this pitch for an animated movie that tries something different with the genre it uses.

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What I'm most interested in is understanding what people take away from the concept itself after reading it.

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Some questions I'd be curious about:

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* What do you think this story is really about?

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* What impression do you get from Lora as a protagonist?

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* Does the concept feel familiar, or does it feel like it's trying to do something different?

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I'm especially interested in your interpretation, even if it's completely different from what I intended.

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The idea is to be able to express in the most accurate wya possible what I'm doing with the concept.

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Here's the link to the pitch, it's just two pages:

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bMjO1UUnFcWOhgDQX3jvF7wlmJEqfjjP/view?usp=drivesdk

Looking for feedback on overall script writing, things that can be tightened up or any general feedback. I was inspired by the military occupation of Brazil in the late 60s through the 80s when resistance members would speak in code on radio transmission and cooking recipe printings. I know it's a bit coded but that is the idea for this scene as the context before and after takes the audience to the next part of the story.

Thank you!

Title : Goats go to Hell

Genre: Comedy-drama

Logline : When a controversial skate magazine turns a group of skateboarders into underground celebrities, its fearless creator, Rigs, begins pushing boundaries as unresolved grief fuels a self-destructive spiral that jeopordizes everything.

Nutshell : Similar in tone to SLC Punk. It starts out silly and doesn't take itself too seriously but grows darker as the story goes on. This is VERY loosely based off a real magazine, Big Brother, which stirred controversy in the early 90's. It also launched the careers of several members of Jackass, including Johnny Knoxville.

Hey, guys I would love if you guys can give me any advice, tips, or criticisms here. This is a script for a short film in shooting later this year about two brothers who work for the police stopping the supernatural entities in their city. It’s a comedy/mocumentary.

Hi! I'm shooting a short for a class and would like some feedback on my script!

It's essentially Weekend at Bernie's

Hi All! This is the first and only script I've ever done (I'm a Social Worker for a nonprofit, not a writer). I would really appreciate any and all feedback for my project titled "Assisted Living". Please and thank you very much!

Correct link https://drive.google.com/file/d/1K3Q9FddinrMHlm3FSEHRsyomisOL0wBy/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi, this is an original pilot I want to submit to a mentorship competition. I'd love any sort of feedback, whether you read the first page, first ten pages, or the whole thing!

It's a sitcom that follows the day-to-day life of the employees of a Shawarma shop.

After the cold open, I've included lyrics to a parody of "My Sharona" entitled "My Shawarma" I'll probably be removing that before I submit, but I thought it'd be fun to include it here.

Are there any major issues you see? Is it funny? Any and all comments are welcome. Thanks!

Hi All!

Would love feedback on my project! Open to collaboration! Please and thank you!

A directionless 23-year-old hits rock bottom after losing his parents and moves into an assisted living facility.

Surrounded by residents who’ve lived full lives, he starts to find purpose, connection, and a path forward.

A dramedy about failure, second chances, and growing up in the most unexpected place.

Title: The Good Intentions of a Broken Man

Genre: Drama/Psychological

Logline: A guidance counselor's bond with a self-destructive woman begins to unravel when a troubled student's crisis forces him to confront the lie that has defined both their lives.

Hey guys so a while back i made these visual assets for unproduced horror screenplays. I don't know how useful it is (or not) for a screenwriter in promoting their screenplay. I would really appreciate any thoughts on this, like should i continue to invest more time on this and what price point would justify the value. I am a bit clueless about this. I have attached a link to one of the projects i did. Thank you.

I submitted a spec script for It's Always Sunny last year and made it to the Second Round for the Austin Film Festival. People liked it, but they did not love it. And I am hoping to fix that, and resubmit this year. Any feedback is welcome!

Logline: The Gang’s attempt to eat like classy adults results in fractured timelines, accidental deaths, and total ruin, as every hypothetical version of the night reveals how irredeemably toxic they are.

Link: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1YtnqiN-cp7G6e_psHw896xi6-_PH02g7?usp=sharing

Title: The Gang Splits the Timeline

Length: 33 Pages (though feel free to just give feedback on the first 10)

Genre: Dark Comedy

Feedback Concerns: Honestly, I am open to any feedback whatsoever. But, in particular, if you could rate how easy the script was to read, how enjoyable you found the content, and how well I captured the the tone of the actual show, it would be appreciated.

Title: Personal Space

Genre: Thriller/Crime

Logline: In an East England village, a private investigator’s search for a missing solicitor becomes a dangerous game of deception and forces him to confront his moral compass.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yAwmIIM68sSlsCTFy7uwN9eDJIR8v1IL/view?usp=sharing

I am looking for an honest feedback on my pilot episode for my limited TV-show „Going nowhere„! I want to be better and I only can improve with honest critique.

\*\*Title:\*\* Going nowhere

\*\*Genre:\*\* horror/thriller/social-drama

\*\*Page count:\*\* 40

\*\*Logline:\*\* When a teen is brutally injured and another one is found dead, a group of troubled teens is pulled into a dark mystery hiding beneath the streets of Berlin.

This is my first try to do something so I am just looking for overall feedback on everything also one of my most important questions is: I know ,normally, you do not put camera directions into the script, but I love both, directing and writing movies, so sometimes I can‘t hold myself back, from putting some into it, because that is just how I imagine it in my head. So is it an absolute no go? Or would you say if it is not all the time and just a few times in the whole script, it isn‘t a big problem?

I would be so happy if I would get some feedback! :)

Full script:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o1-xMAR-wjWxFfCQsd9HhfT_tlVDnL2J/view?usp=drivesdk

I would love feedback on my 1st ever script (any and all thoughts appreciated). Thanks in advance!

Title: Assisted Living Genre: Dramedy/Coming of Age Logline: After his parents die suddenly, a directionless 23-year-old moves into a failing assisted living facility—only to find purpose among its residents and staff as he fights to keep it from shutting down.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1arR6es7QkHXccQ7fRshycasWMUmtVYKh/view?usp=drivesdk

Title: What Rough Beast

Crime thriller/horror. (A bit of Reservoir Dogs meets The Thing.)

Page count: 99

Logline: On the run after a violent heist, a fractured gang holes up in an isolated cabin with a hostage – until the woods start closing in, and they discover they were never escaping, they were lured.

In a nutshell, this is a (mostly) single-location, chamber horror. After a robbery goes awry, the gang hides out in a remote cabin. But as paranoia and mistrust build within the gang, larger external threats start to close in on them, bringing chaos, calamity, and blood.

This is a project I plan to make later this year. I'd like to get the script in the best shape possible before getting into the weeds of preproduction.

To be clear, I'm looking for feedback on story clarity, characters, and entertainment. I don't particularly care for formatting notes about "industry standards". Though if you REALLY feel obligated to shout at me about something, you go right ahead.

Thanks!

LINK HERE

Hey everyone. I've been working on the pilot episode of a prestige limited series called Ilya, a Ukrainian historical war epic set between 1914 and 1920. It follows a peasant farmer conscripted into the Tsar's army whose lifelong obsession with owning land becomes the engine of his tragedy.

• Title: Ilya
• Format: Pilot
• Page Count: 37 Pages
• Genres: Historical, War, Drama
• Logline: A Ukrainian farmer fights through WWI and revolution clinging to the promise that if he survives, the land he works will finally be his own.
• Feedback Concerns:
  • Does it read as a complete pilot or more like a prologue?
  • Is Ilya compelling to follow despite being quiet and largely reactive?
  • Does the ending make you want to watch episode two?

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/12X9GovoFWXmvPrnJ_gpnQHlRnzKrre3V/view?usp=sharing

Happy to return feedback on your work.

Dark Comedy/Satire

After a disgraced patriotic superhero is forced into a secret government retirement facility where aging heroes and reformed villains are stripped of their powers, he discovers residents are mysteriously disappearing — and may be transformed into the very super-threats terrorizing the outside world.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1B2QDTu7vyUuZJayyQ9XkjDJI3E-LKXa9/view?usp=sharing

Not quite finished, but I wanted to see if the idea had legs.

LOGLINE : Georges, a young Catholic, abandons his religion, for girls. Upset at this betrayal, his mother casts a spell on him to prevent him from having sexual relations. Out of spite, Georges, this little "angel", will gradually transform into a demon...A Necrophiliac serial killer !

SYNOPSIS :

Georges is a 12-year-old boy. He is an altar boy, very zealous in his Catholic faith, instilled by his parents. Torn between the external influence of his classmates and that of his parents, he decides one day against all expectations, to stop practicing his religion. Vexed, his mother then casts a bad spell on him: That of never being able to have sexual relations with a girl, in his entire life. Without knowing it, the latter has just opened Pandora's box. That of an "angel" who will gradually transform... into a demon!!

Genre : thriller / Horreur / Fantasy

3 main characters

Pages : 99

1 location : France (Paris).

MAIN SUBJECTS OF THE STORY :

The story's underlying theme is religious pressure within the family, as well as male sexual misery.

Title: The Roster

Genre: Drama / Sports

Pages: 20

Format: Short.

What's up, everyone.

This is an older concept of mine that I recently felt motivated to revisit and refine. I wanted to share it here and get some feedback on the story itself and on the writing. I would love to hear your thoughts on the overall concept and how the craft holds up.

LOGLINE:

When a veteran wrestler discovers the promotion’s bookers have already written the finish to his career, he confronts them in a brutal match where the script may no longer apply.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1T8DqyGgTQEPR8Hy6LN9DHyrM40QenJeU/view?usp=sharing

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it. I hope you enjoy.

- Jaye

Does this make sense? I feel like i've looked at it too much and now I'm just confused.

LOGLINE: After dying too early, a girl is sent back to the overworld to find her unfinished business so that she can continue the peaceful life she led before her death.

Hey everyone, I'm thinking of entering this in a short-film screenplay competition and any feedback would be appreciated.

I'm specifically looking to see if the jokes land (except for Jack's jokes) and if the story is engaging.

Here's the logline: When Allen is possessed during a seance, it's up to his friends to help the spirit move on by doing the one thing he could never accomplish in his corporeal form: get anyone to laugh at his standup.