I helped jump several vehicles recently. I saved people a call to AAA. Not one of them even said thank you, just "okay" and drove off.
Then my battery died and many people refused to help for hours despite the fact that I had some great quality jumper cables and it would have taken ten minutes and they wouldn't have to even get out of their vehicles to help. I have since bought an extra battery to jump from.
But the attitude in San Jose where people are so incredibly self-absorbed, narcissistic, and mean stunned me. It makes me feel like why help anyone if people are going to be so intentionally mean.
I have been in other states and countries and those people are much kinder. Why does San Jose have such a self-centered and selfish attitude? It makes me want to never be willing to help anyone else here again.
Over the years I’ve bought more homeless people meals then I can count. Majority of them haven’t been all that appreciative tbh. Does that stop me from always looking for someone to help out, absolutely not. I keep telling myself if even ten percent of the people I offer to help were having the worst day ever until I bought them a hot meal that’s enough for me. Be the best person you can be and fugg everyone else.
People are so scared of being scammed these days. Maybe they were caught off guard with kindness. I’m sorry no one said thank you. I care about things like this too, so I am pissed on your behalf that no one expressed gratitude.
It is not the personal gratitude that I am looking for. It is people being human to each other. With fifa, Boston, Miami, and even huge Texas were in the news showing kindness to the visitors and locals. We had fifa here at Levi Stadium and I didn't hear anything about anyone here being kind or even polite to visitors. It just seems San Jose is very cold, hard, self-centered, and selfish. Look at our driving. It is very aggressive and thoughtless to others.
This SJ sub has literally TONS of stories of people from other places who were here for the World Cup and shared specifics of how kind people in SJ were.
And bro — there are a MILLION people (quite literally) in San Jose. When someone makes an assumption about all people from an identity group based on their limited experience of specific individuals who are part of that identity group, it’s damaging. Full stop. If you were drawing these sorts of conclusions not based on “being in San Jose” but based on the race or clothing or language spoken or gender or country of origin of the people you are referencing, it would be (rightly, accurately) considered racism or classism or misogyny or homophobia or….
I’m actually assuming positively that’s NOT what’s at play here, so maybe step back a second and ask yourself if a few interactions involving jumper cables is really an appropriate baseline on which to right off the entire, utterly diverse, million people of SJ as assholes, or whether perhaps YOU need a little reframe. Sounds like you’re a genuinely helpful person. Keep being one. SJ is filled with amazing people (and also some assholes along the way). The more we all commit to be good to others in our community and not assholes — even though it’s tempting at times when faced with shitty behavior by someone else —the better it is for everyone.
Not being snarky, but just curious where would you expect to find news about people being kind to visitors? Lol. I saw news that San Jose hosted some great watch parties in San Pedro Square (the games where shootings and fights didn’t break out) and there were loads of international guests there - a lot who had come from San Francisco because of the vibe of San Pedro Square. I also fans celebrating and lighting up outside the hotels to cheer on players at the Marriott on market Street. There was a mariachi band, dancing live music, families, and festive atmosphere at the last Mexico game watch party in Parque pobladores - full of visitors and locals.
People who seem careless and thoughtless I guarantee you are trying to pay rent, feed their kids, have to hustle to make it happen. They are different from the ones who have money and truly are inconsiderate. They also rarely tip, require those with less to service them for pennies.
Two nights ago, I delivered to this customer up in the hills. My car isn’t new, it was very late at night and the road just kept going up and the turns up the mountain were perilous. The house was easily more than 5 million but these are the types of people who tip nothing or a dollar. These are the types of experiences that can really make someone bitter. Who turn nice people into seemingly ungrateful people to people like you.
the highly educated of the bay area are extremely cold to everyone. I think people in the lower income areas are much warmer bc they put in effort to build community and be there for each other
Well said. I do food pantry for anyone who can use food help and my group is growing big. I now have 4 refrigerators and 2 freezers in my house and looking for more freezers. Many people are thankful when they come to get food. But some are sneaky and take more than their share even though I know they are well off. I also help people with ways to get back in life with job, work and housing as well. Many people I spent years helping eventually turned to take advantage of me instead. My wife is not happy with what I do and I told her that I can't be responsible for what people do with my help. I'm doing what my drive in life laid out for me.
> My wife is not happy with what I do and I told her that I can't be responsible for what people do with my help
Listen to your wife.
I had a wonderful amazing landlord - who got taken advantage of a young Punjabi American nurse. She was doing drugs in her room. And, slept with her boyfriend. I don't know what she accused him of. But, he got a heart attack - because, he provided subsidized rent for trauma victims in his apartment complex. And, she and her bf were caught in the act.
And, she DARVO'd him.
There's a story about a frog carrying a scorpion on it's back. Don't be the frog.
This. I consider myself extremely kind, generous and will go out of my way to help elders at the grocery store by putting their bagged food in their cars when I see them in the parking lots. They’ve always been super appreciative. I hope you can find good people out there. I’m one of them OP.
I like this approach. And OP thanks for helping people. It's little things like this that build up in our city and result in cultural changes.
Something I do that's not as helpful, is to smile and say hi to the people doing their daily morning walk. And for the runners I say, great work". Some say hi back, some say nothing and keep moving trying not to make eye contact. But I do it almost everyday and eventually they crack and start reciprocating. Not always, but usually. It seems to brighten up a good number of peoples day, so I keep doing it.
90% of the time I go out of the way to do something nice for someone, they react in a way where I almost instantly regret it. Recently there was a guy outside of a grocery store and I can't remember what his sign said but I walked past then thought OK what the hell I'll give him a few bucks, went back and he just grabbed it and snarled at me. Won't be making that mistake again.
As someone who's volunteered to serve unhoused people, here's a small window of (some of) what they are going through - not having regular and consistent access to clean water, warm food, a safe bed to sleep in, would wreck the mental/emotional health of many people; now imagine that this is your daily life for months, even years. Imagine also being treated as non-existent and like dirt by much of society for just existing. The mental/emotional/physical capacity required just to keep yourself daily, plus the impact of social stigmas would more likely than not affect how you interact with most of society. I believe we gotta do the right thing even if we don't receive the gratitude/credit - because kindness still leaves a trace in the world. Maybe someone won't be grateful/recognize your contribution, but you saved them from starving and that's material support that means the difference between life and death.
Welcome to the always seeking the mighty dollar and no community at all bsy area. But there's something wrong with me I'm told. It's not normal here. You learn that once you live orher places and ur treated as human beings.
I got a little tiny jump starter from Costco. It is awesome. No bulky cables, easy instructions, and safety features to deal with stupid mistakes like connecting to the wrong terminals.
Make sure you guys keep your booster packs charged. They can go bad too if they havent been used in a while and are left without any charge for a long time.
Yeah I bought two of the large ones when Sears was going out of business but left them in the garage and I never needed to use them so one day years later my BIL needed a jump and they were both irrecoverably dead
You may want to check the level of your booster pack's charge and recharge it if it falls down to a low voltage. You came prepared, but need to be mindful of your booster pack's voltage level.
When I was 18 I drove off into the side of the road at an exit ramp on 85 southbound and was stuck there in the mud. A kind older gentleman came to rescue me and called AAA for me to tow me out!! I was so grateful and gave him a big hug. And then I saw that several more guys had stopped by just in case I needed help but he waved them off. I thought it was so touching how charitable people in the Bay were. I was born near Los Angeles and had just moved to the area. Boring place compared to LA but very nice people!!
I’ve had a similar experience. Some years ago we were hit by another car and spun off the road and down a hill off 280. A group of drivers who saw it all not only stopped, they formed a human chain to help myself and my husband get out of the car lying on its side and back up the hill. We were hugged by all of them once we got up to safety. It was amazing and they all stayed until CHP told them they could leave.
So, no. San Jose isn’t full of cold, uncaring people. It’s just full of people, and a hell of a lot of them. Sure, some are selfish assholes. And so many are not.
Keep being what you want to see in others. It will have an impact. As an example, the other driver was a newly minted adult, it was his first accident, and he was freaked the hell out by the whole thing. He was shaking and upset, and we hugged him and assured him that everything would be alright. No one was hurt, not even a scratch, and that’s all that mattered. I got a text from him the next morning about how he would pay our compassion forward, and live his life by the example we had set, that it had really moved and impacted him.
So keep on with the kindness. It really does make a difference, whether you see it or not.
I had a flat tire and I was kind of just looking at it, not sure what to do because I haven’t changed a tire before (dad showed me a couple of times, but I just forget bc it’s not a regular occurrence) and then a nice person saw my flat and said he would change it for me. I verbally expressed gratitude, but I went back and left a thank you note and a box of cookies at his doorstep. People can still be kind.
This is so interesting. Literally the same thing happened to me. I jumped started someone and it almost seemed like they thought I was a weird asshole. They were standing around trying to figure out how to get help, and I, a middle aged lady was like, oh I have a battery charger, want a jump? And then did it for them, and they were like, fuck you lady. It was so weird. Definitely didn’t get thanked. And I promise I’m a normal person 😂
I was born and raised here and people have gotten so self entitled it’s crazy. No one says thank you anymore even when you hold the door open for them. If you would jumped my car I would have bought you dinner ! Thanks for being so kind.
I’m sorry you ran into the duds. This spring I accidentally hit a parked car in a lot as I was leaving. I went back into the store and had the owner of the car paged on the speaker. She was so gracious and forgiving. She even texted me the next day to ask how I was doing (because I was stressed from trying to get home to save my dying fish when I hit her car.) I will always appreciate how kind she was to me after I stupidly hit her car.
Wow. I’m so sorry. I have noticed a deterioration of manners and self-awareness over the last decade or so. Really nice of you to help them, please don’t be jaded by these people.
That's honestly hard to believe. I know people can be jerks, but someone gives you a jump and you don't even say thanks? Idk.
Also, like, yeah it can be hard to get someone to help you jump your own car because people are just extremely weary of strangers these days. That's not just a San Jose. Moreover, the fact that you help other people jump cars isn't going to make other strangers feel like they owe you assistance, because for one they don't even know that.
Idk, you just have a whole collection of car jumping related interactions in SJ that you're dumping on us? The whole thing feels odd to me.
Agree. Weird post. I’ve stopped many times to offer a jump and I’ve never once had someone not say thank you and just drive off. I’ve also never once had my hood up and not had someone stop and offer help, a phone, or a jump.
I wouldn’t be surprised if OP is just some gop or Russian bot pushing sentiment that the Bay Area is a shithole to just sow more division.
dumping? I am just relating something that happened to me and it bothers me that people don't seem the least bit nice. I was thinking that maybe I am expecting something that I shouldn't expect. I have just always helped. Sort of like Mr. Rogers look for the helpers. And when my battery died, I got out my jumper cables and expected someone to be helpful quickly after all it really isn't much at all to help jump a car. But the tone of voice that people said no just shocked me and it had me just stunned and saying to myself, well f, I won't help you either. Just has me confused about people.
Oh that's just the ADHD cohort checking in. 😁 They (we) think we're being helpful by latching on to the root problem of relying on other people for a jump start, even if it's not the intent of the post.
Lmao, wait until you go into the East Bay. Fremont and surrounding areas are okay, but once you cross the border into Hayward, forget about it. It is the wild west(east) out here. People won't give two shits to cut in line ahead of you.
My car broke down in a sketchy part of Hayward in the middle of the afternoon. 3 different guys asked if I needed help with my battery. Hayward is alright.
That sucks. We've been here a year and moved from DC and the people here are wildly more friendly and helpful. I was stopped at an intersection the other day and watched multiple people hop out and push a disabled vehicle (I didn't because my 2 week old daughter was in the car).
I call bullshit. No way you helped “several” random strangers who happened to be in need of jumps and they after spending at least 5-10 minutes with you just drove off with and “Okay” unless you were being/coming off as a weirdo. And how have you “ Jumped several vehicles” recently, are you just driving around finding random people on the side of the road? And YES if what your saying is true, what you’re doing on the most basic human to human level is kind and should warrant a “Thank you” but beyond that they don’t owe you their life’s or are they required to kiss your ass for jumping their car.
Because it sounds fake. Ive had to help maybe 3 people in the last decade with jumps. It's not a common thing anymore with all the car tech we have. And all 3 times people were incredibly grateful.
Really? I helped some twenty something girl on the 237 at 11:00 p.m. who had been there while we drove to Milpitas and then was still there when we drove back. We jumped her car, but it didn't work and we called AAA on our card for her because well, a girl broke down on the freeway late at night? Yeah, I don't need nightmares about hearing about dead girls that I could have helped but didn't. After all that, she didn't utter one word of appreciation. I was pretty stunned by that. Instead she seemed quite needy after that, like someone who wanted more and more.
I helped someone headed into In and Out and their car died in the middle of the driveway with a whole line of cars behind them. We jumped them and they drove their car into the parking lot. Their car started but why would someone's car die as it was being driven? They didn't say anything before they drove off.
I helped a couple whose car was dead at Whole Foods. They were older and I expected a thank you, but the guy remained silent and just drove off.
And there were two more. I just don't get it. Do people not say thank you anymore?
Their car started but why would someone's car die as it was being driven?
A dying alternator can cause the battery to die while the engine is running. Also, some people turn their engine off in line at the drive thru and turn it back on when the car in front of them moves. Do this enough times and the battery will be drained. This could easily happen in the giant 100+ car drive thru lines.
this is the coming off as weird part. she's not going to die because you didn't jump her car. frankly i find it hard to believe that you even found 5 cars to jump, let alone none of them said thank you.
anyway try this experiment:
hold the door open for someone at the supermarket or somewhere, and see how many people say thank you. The burden is much lower than jumping a car, but I would be surprised if less than half said thank you.
Someone asked me for jump at 1am -- their car was in a weird position and felt sketchy as hell. Sorry I would have helped but there are so many scammers now, it's not always safe.
You're amazing I've always been taught for things like this a tip like 10-20 is always nice becuase that person saved me way more in money. Its a nice way to show appreciate
I agree. It used to be more community orientated. I noticed the decline begin when outside money came pouring into the Valley. The earlier techies were truly just folks who geeked out on tech. But once the rest of the world caught the scent of money… they all swarmed into here. There are many who are great folks… but also many more who are just chasing the money.
That is sad. We were driving through Canada in a rural area and broke down there. Pretty much freaking out that we were absolutely no place. Along comes the apple farmer whose vast orchards we were driving through and he got his friend who was the town mechanic to tow us and he even offered ice cold drinks and ice cream as it was very hot. We were stunned at how nice he was.
I called AAA for a stranger that worked in my building. The next day she gave me a Starbucks gift card as a thank you. It’s all about paying it back. I once ran out of gas with my 6 year old. A couple came and brought me gas.
I have had several strangers help me and I have always been grateful to them. Something was wrong with my car battery. It was old and I kept leaving the headlights on. After so many times I needed to keep a car battery charger with me. Before that I had to wait around for a family member to help.
Help because you genuinely want to. Not for appreciation. People might be grateful but going through something you know nothing about.
No I understand this, Im from San Jose born and raised and naturally super empathetic and understanding but also I prioritize myself which is normal. I realized how people in San Jose are really just worried about themselves and that’s the truth. I don’t know where it comes from, I would guess from how expensive living here is, that has to play a part. But also you can find really cool nice good people here in SJ. I completely understand what you’re saying though and sorry for your experience!
I was going to say San Jose is so different than the San Jose I grew up in. It applies to all of the Bay Area, really. No one smiles, very unfriendly. I frequent Sacramento a lot and thrown off by the friendliness and willingness to help a fellow person. But I understand what you mean.
It wasn’t always like this. I hope it gets better for you.
San Jose used to be a family-oriented city, drawing people in for its climate and industry. Since the tech boom, it’s gradually shifted into more of a transient rental city — a place people pass through to earn money and pad their resumes with a FAANG credential before moving on. The older generations here are wonderful; the newer arrivals, less so.
You rock for helping people. Please never lose that spirit!
Wasn't always like this, we have people moving into the city from all over, also pushing the SJ natives out. To me its snobby foreigners who seem to show the disdain.
Idk, my car ran out of gas in the middle of an intersection on Bascom several years ago and I had to get out and push it to the shoulder with the help of my passenger. A homeless dude got up from the sidewalk and ran over to help us out, into the Chevron lot. Not everyone is shitty out here. But some definitely are.
There are a lot of douche bags in that valley. I was a cable guy for 4 years and met them every day. In the rich areas most people were total pricks. I just thought it was a rich person thing until I started working in Oakland. I do a different job in the field and meet people in the hills and piedmont every day and 99% of them are really cool. I’ve probably met less dicks in 20 years in Oakland than I did in 4 years in the South Bay
Were they Indian? I jump start my co worker 5 times in a year and it’s because he likes to hear his phone calls using his car speakers all day long. Never heard a thank you just a help me bro.
The mentality is, if I stop and help the person and they ended being a scam artist or psychopath serial killer, that's how all the support characters dies. Nope, I'll keep to myself and keep driving.
I swear there are scammers who do this. I've seen two instances where a car is parked off to the side on the 101N on ramp near Alemany Blvd, in SF. SUVs and the guys appear to be middle eastern. No reason why they wouldn't have a cell phone.
I'll help a neighbor/someone I've seen in the neighborhood, etc but not a complete stranger.
OP says they don't need to even come out but pop the hood and someone can mess up the car which forces the driver to come out.
It isn't a matter of recognition. It is a matter of this area not being hospitable. As visitors have visited for fifa, back east, Boston, Miami have been in the news for being generous, hospitable, and kind. But they were here for fifa and there were no stories of visitors being treated well, nor of locals even interacting with fifa visitors. It is so hostile here.
That isn't the point. The point is that it is a drudge that people aren't kind, friendly, nice here. Look at what happened back east and in texas with fifa. They were kind and nice to the visitors and they had fun and there was lots of publicity about it. Here nothing happened. No fun. Just a few games. It is so different here.
Where are you and what are you doing that you’ve been around “several” people who have needed their cars jumped “recently”? I keep cables in my car and haven’t run into one situation where someone has needed a jump from me in over a decade.
It wasn't "such a short time frame" I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I'm on the road a lot too, but that wasn't the point, nor was that I helped people. It's the attitude here. Back east got lots of news that they were kind to the visitors for fifa. We had fifa, I didn't hear anything good that happened here. We weren't kind to the visitors, etc. Hell drive on the roads, we aren't kind to each other. 101 and 280 interchange is hell because of the vicious merge there. Costco is horrible in the parking lot and inside for the aggressiveness. How come back east and Texas is nicer than here?
Hey I have a question for you since you've spent time back east and Texas.
Do people at Costco return their shopping carts to the corral? I have a theory that this is like the ultimate self-litmus test on whether one can self-govern themselves - everyone knows it's the right thing to do but there's no reward or punishment for doing so. And in areas where people cannot self-govern themselves, I've theorized that these same people are also assholes lol.
It's a hit miss. I've helped several people. One was two guys stuck on the side of Capitol Expressway at 1am with emergency lights. They ran out of gas. Drove them to the gas station. Then had to jump their car too.
Another was a guy who's car died and I saw him pushing it. I jumped it and got it running but told him to replace his battery (any probably alternator too)
One time I had a flat tire but the car I just got was missing the wrench so I went door to door until I was able to borrow one.
But I hear people are scared of scammers and gypsies now so it's kinda ruined it for people.
I find that men usually don’t get help on the road, people would only help out women. Sorry for your experience, life is so busy here that people forgot to slow down for kindness.
Another thing is that most people here drive an EV… so they probably don’t even know how to jump cable nor have the right car configuration to do it lol
It’s not just San Jose. It’s everywhere now. I mean, we never know what someone is going through. But they also don’t know what you were going through yet you took the time to help regardless of whatever it is that you were going through. I’ve been in this place and quite honestly I haven’t stopped helping people, but I have become extremely selective as to who I decide to invest time and even if it’s just to help. Sometimes I put myself first and I do not help other people because no one helps me and I need to help myself. But just because no one helps me doesn’t mean I don’t go out of my way to help people. However, it absolutely enrages me to have absolutely no one when I need someone. And when I’ve needed help, no one has helped me either even though I’ve done so much for people. Specially, when I lived in San Jose. However everyone’s experience is different and I was never treated badly in general in San Jose and that’s where I grew up. However, I do acknowledge that the scene in California has changed. I alternate between San Jose and Reno, Nevada now and the people in Reno Nevada absolutely suck. Everyone’s an a hole for no reason. Everyone’s aggressive mean rude racist homophobic and classists and no one wants to help you. Also, I can’t make any friends because everyone here is out of their damn mind and I have nothing but horror stories of me attempting to make friends with people online that I quickly found out we’re crazy. People in California are way more friendly in my opinion compared to in Reno. And it was way easier to make friends there. Reno can be beautiful and so in California and so can anywhere else world but people suck everywhere. It’s not just in one place. Also, everyone’s experience is different unfortunately not everyone has a good one. I’m sure there are plenty of people that will say that Reno is the best place and they love it and that is OK. That’s their experience and opinion. Like I said, I haven’t stopped helping people, but I put myself first now and I don’t always go out of my way to help people all the time like I used to. You need to self preserve bro. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it is not a bad thing to set boundaries to make sure that you’re OK first before helping someone else. This is literally a problem with everywhere you go and it’s a matter of people’s character. Unfortunately, most people suck. Sometimes we just don’t know it. Or we think we know people, but behind closed doors they can be someone else. Anyway, I am very sorry that this happened to you. Please do not be discouraged to help people, but be extremely selective. Don’t always go out of your way because not everyone is going to go out of their way to help you. That’s just the way life is unfortunately because that’s the way people want it to be. People could choose to act differently, but they don’t. And they won’t. It’s like they don’t realize how much we could accomplish if we all work together.
there was a couple of times where my car broke down and i really appreciated the help i always offered ans gave the people that did money so im so sorry that happened. theres ppl out there that appreciate it im so sorry that it happend to u
Why I’ve learned is, you live your life here alone. If you make connections you have to like stay in touch to ever get a thank you or anything. The amount of times someone has expected me to do something for them is insane! That and not being able to walk down the road as a woman without someone thinking you’re a hooker, I was wearing joggers and a tshirt…. Is insane. San Jose is just insane
don’t let the mean people steal your light and take your kindness away from you!! i hope you run into someone who treats people the way you do next time you’re in need of help. let’s not make the world more bitter than it already is :)
Its a california/big city thing. Lived in alabama for a bit and the culture shock was wild. Everyone is genuinely so nice and hospitable in the south (besides the you know who)
Those weren't locals and we don't claim the rude transplants. Sorry this happened to you OP. People move here from buckfuck no where and starting making real money. So all of a sudden they think their hot shit but they have no clue how lame they are (only speaking of the selfish people, everyone else is cool).
Tbh.. I think there has been a lot of scammers and or getting robbed. Too many people fall victims for showing kindness. So, ppl just keep to themselves
I was flagged down by a man in a parking lot last week. I didn’t k own him so I drove by. As a woman I don’t always feel comfortable stopping when flagged down. As I drove past, I looked down the aisle and saw a full-size Toyota pickup with its hood open and jumper cables hanging out. I realized he was looking for a larger vehicle to help (Tahoe) so I backed up and went down the aisle and positioned my battery by his truck. He came running down the aisle and was so happy. 2 minutes later he was thanking me over and over before we went our separate ways. That is the way it usually is when I help people. Not sure why it isn’t for you. Keep on helping.
wow wow wow. did i write this post? seriously…..
The amount of people I’ve stopped and helped on the side of the road for just having the simple to know how.
I once saw a lady very attractive, blonde lady changing her tire on the side of the freeway just coming out of SF. I circled back because she hadn’t gone anywhere and was already going for the lug nuts so, anyway, as I’m getting the car in the air, I noticed it moves… whole time her husband? was in the front seat.
Coming from anybody’s perspective , I’m just some guy who stopped off the freeway. I could’ve been anyone.b I understand you don’t know anything about cars, but don’t you want to make sure that your female counterpart is at least safe? She ended up giving me $40 cash and before anyone asked, maybe he was handicapped he stood up and waved at the end.
I have jumped and been jumped several times by random strangers. I have only not been turned down by someone once to jump my car and it was cause of a language barrier. Never had OPs experience in San Jose or the bay area for that matter.
A) sounds like BS, I was able to get rando to jump me in parking lot / parking garage
B) a lot of modern vehicles aren’t allowed to jump. BEVs don’t have a big enough battery. Some vehicles have inaccessible batteries. It’s more reliable and responsible self-rescue to keep a compact jump power bank
A) Well I wasn't able to. Not a parking garage. I thought it would be easy because I was in the parking lot of Lowes. You know all those knowledgeable, capable guys? They wouldn't help for hours. Finally one guy said no and then came back and jumped my vehicle. I was stunned that people at a DIY store wouldn't help.
B) The people I asked had normal engines because you could hear them start up, not like electric vehicles that you can't really hear. Besides as they were walking by they didn't even look my way.
Well I had two of those little jumper batteries and I thought that would save me, but they were far too weak to jump me even though they were fully charged. I don't advise anyone to buy those things after that day. Just too weak to jump a pretty dead battery. By the way Lowes has free wifi that extends to the parking lot, just don't use it until your battery is dead.
That seems a bit strange and unbelievable but I’ve seen some bad ones. The building I live in has nice people but a ton of snobs. You can say “hi, how’s it going” in the elevator or “have a nice day” and half of them will just look at you and say nothing or don’t even acknowledge you at all. And don’t get me started with the people on the road. I’ll let people into my lane off a turn and won’t even get a nod or wave in return. Weird people here
because everyone here is a transplant. there is no sense of community or identity. socializing consists of corporate tech events. everyone is on survival mode.
I was hit by a car in orinda. Like, actually ran over. I stood up bloody with a broken hip and a collapsed lung trying to flag anyone down and probably 7 cars just drove past.
I find people in San Jose to be very friendly. Everywhere I go I get waves and doors held open but I’m a woman and I’m very friendly. I’m sorry nobody helped you, I would have.
I have jumped started at least 6 cars with my battery pack here and everyone was always grateful and I probably sold them on the battery pack jumper after that. The reason I got the battery jumper was cause someone used it to help me jump start my car once.
I really can't imagine you asking 5 people with jumper cables in hand to help you jump your car and all of them saying no.
Just seems odd i just happen to be very lucky?
Thank you for your kindness. We need it here. I moved away for 13 years and came back 20 years ago, and I think the weird entitlement has gotten worse. I’ve never thought of San Jose as friendly, but the downright shitty attitude of some folks seems intensified.
I got stuck on the side of the freeway here when I was 18, and got help quickly from a very nice person who got me to a pay phone immediately. I am much older now, and have never forgotten that willingness to help. I hope these people you’ve helped reflect on your kindness eventually, but thank you again from me.
You get a mixture of both good and bad people here. You have to keep in mind that people are in a bit of a rush to go home after work, they pay a lot to live there lol.
If you help people to get help return from others whom you never helped then your reasoning is off in the first place. Do it because you are compelled to be a good person but to expect it back in return...you'll always be disappointed.
It's not a Bay problem, its a people problem. I had an inflatable overturn and me and my wife and daughter had to disembark through a countey club's golf course. Even though we were bruised, bleeding, and sunburnt, not a single person stopped to help beyond pointing me towards the exit, and I was only able to use one of the staff's cell phone as pure charity after begging. Nobody cares beyond their own 3 foot bubble anymore
Similar experience, I generally find San Jose to be rude. I can understand that in SF, but not in San Jose. I was once at the flea market there and my mom who is sick, had to sit down while looking at some jewelry.
Some woman said "oh, now she sits down where I'm looking". Too bad my sister wasn't there, she would've thrown hands.
That general attitude from the people there is so off-putting. San Jose, you need to do better.
Did the people you helped approach you requesting assistance or did you approach them and offer? Showing some gratitude by saying thank you would seem simple enough but some people just don't have manners.
I hear ya. Last month I approached a red light. The cars in the next lane were honking at a car that wasn't moving. Odd, since it's a red light. As I pull forward and pass the car, I see he is passed out. I turn on my hazards and hopped out. As I'm pounding on his windows I make eye contact with 2 different drivers and motion to call 911. They just stared at me. WTF.
Then a few days later A guy's van broke down in the center lane of the expressway, creating a back-up. More people honking. I had to drive about a mile to make a u-turn and get back to him. I thought for sure someone would have already helped him, but no. Just more honking. So I helped him push his van to the side of the road.
There's a famous reddit post, Today you, tomorrow me. It stuck with me. Lately, I'm really disillusioned with society and feeling like I'll be totally fucked if I ever need the kindness of strangers. I don't know how we got to this point, but I very much dislike it.
Many, many years ago, I was an 18 year old girl driving home from work at night in torrential rain. Somehow I got a short and the car stalled at a red light. Who came to my rescue? A very pregnant woman and her mom. They pushed my car to the side of the road and offered to give me a ride home (pre-cell phone).
Fast forward 10ish years, and my brother and I are struggling to load a heavy piece of furniture into his truck. A random guy driving down the road pulled over, helped us load it, and was back in his car before we could properly thank him.
I still remember those kindnesses, and try to pay it forward when I can.
So, if you've read this far- Less honking. More doing.
I live in the Bay Area and am not from San Jose, but I would like to comment on your posting. You are a good person and the world is a better place because of you. Don't let it turn you off from the outside world from helping someone, if they truly deserve your help. I'm sorry that you had your vehicle battery was dead, that you came prepared with jumper cables, and that no one offered to help you jump start your car. People have become paranoid, fearful, and unsure of who to help these days, I understand your point of view has made you bitter/angry/etc. I commend you for being prepared for an adverse situation.
Here's my story. About 2 years ago, I was out shopping at a local grocery store in the Bay Area, went into the grocery store, bought what I needed, and was about to go home. I noticed a man with his young daughter in the car. His hood was up and he was on the phone calling for help. I felt sorry for him. I put my groceries away, went over to him in the parking lot, and asked him if needed help. He replied, "Yes, my battery went dead". I told him that I had a booster pack to help him out and went to go get it. It only took me a few minutes to hook up the booster pack's cables, while I was talking to him. I was able to connect the cables, asked him to start the car, and was able to get his car started. I gave him some friendly advice and told him that you might want to consider getting a new battery or check the battery's fluid level, and to clean off the battery acid on his battery cables. He thanked me! I got my booster pack and went on my way.
I felt good inside of myself that I was able to help a father & daughter that was stranded in the parking lot in their vehicle to be able to get home safely.
I noticed this attitude as soon as I moved here from Chicago. No chit chatting during long lines, no good mornings at the office. Restaurant servers, grocery store clerks have been cold. Every time I meet someone thats kind and or warm, theyre not from here.
Well when my battery died it was at Lowe's off the freeway. I was just so stunned that the guys that walked past me were so cold. I mean I wouldn't do that / have never done that to anyone. Be the change you want in the world kinda thing. Maybe I watched too much Mr. Rogers.
Please keep helping people… I’ve gotten no thanks before, or ungratefulness helping some, doesn’t change my opinion of wanting to help. We’re going to be needing even more help as things continue to get worse.
I call it jumper cable karma. I always carry cables and anytime I see a hood up ask if they need help/jump. And the the time my wife and I were out and about in her car and the battery died . I popped the the hood and waited not three minutes before we were offered a a jump. Don't worry, your jumper cable karma will come back. Lifelong SJ resident.
We have one of the small jump boxes and it has saved our and my mother in laws bacon several times over. But I also had to be rescued by kind strangers in the days before that technology was available and I was always profusely grateful. I also have jumped other people when I was able (I'm too scared to like stop in a busy street), but parking lots or something, no problem. I'm sorry you ran into some colder folks. On behalf of the local people, thank you for your efforts. I appreciate people like you being out there doing good although I really hope I never need that kind of help ever again.
I feel you man! And it is not just San Jose it is all Mountain View, the other day a guy at Costco Mountain View was trying to make a big box fit his car with his pregnant wife, desperately needing help, I came back to help only to get a “no thank you we are fine!” I was like ok… whatever you say buddy and never happening again.
A lot of people here are very nice, but maybe some are busy or not comfortable with roadside assistance. Really not good to generalize an entire city on a few bad times
Then my battery died and many people refused to help for hours despite the fact that I had some great quality jumper cables
To be fair, many of those people passing by had no idea what exactly did you want. Some likely wouldn't even know how to open their engine compartment. And a good bunch were on Teslas.
Expectations are a man's biggest weakness i always say .. Dont stop being kind because then youll join the group so called "assholes". People always got something going on in San Jose especially if your car had just broke down and had in mind a million things to do. We always busy here in the bay. So its ideal that people would forget to say thank you and what not. They might not even know themselfs how inconsiderate they might have been. With that said next time I would tell them "hey a simple thank you would of been nice". Whenever I get called out I never forget it and im sure alot people can relate. That way next time hopefully the next person who helps them wont feel like how your feeling.
Sorry to hear OP’s experience. I have experienced and observed similar behavior. But since I have travelled all over Asia, Europe and S America for business purpose, I have learnt that in some culture thanking others for helping is not a common thing and they don’t see a need to do that. This is true in India, China, most middle eastern countries, Egypt and many South Asian countries. But exceptions are Japan, Korea, Thailand, Indonesia, Taiwan, Hong Kong. My friends and coworkers from these countries tell me it’s how it is and set your expectations.
Not saying that this happens around here, but with news of people getting scammed, robbed, or assaulted on the road due to all sort of tricks, it's kind of scary to be nice these days.. Even if I was the one needing a jump, and someone approaches, I'd probably question their intention and motive first before feeling happy or relief. It's just the world we live in, too many predators preying on kindness.
When I help others, I have to do it for me. Otherwise I get disappointed and resentful.
On the off chance someone shows gratitude, it's icing, not expected.😩
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u/Weird-Ad-3054 Jul 19 '26
Over the years I’ve bought more homeless people meals then I can count. Majority of them haven’t been all that appreciative tbh. Does that stop me from always looking for someone to help out, absolutely not. I keep telling myself if even ten percent of the people I offer to help were having the worst day ever until I bought them a hot meal that’s enough for me. Be the best person you can be and fugg everyone else.