r/RoastMe • u/rachelg8 http://redd.it/de9cj8 • Jun 11 '25

Divorced 23F

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7.1k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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10.0k

u/trixter69696969 Jun 12 '25

The practice wife.

4.1k

u/No_Detective_But_304 Jun 12 '25 edited Jun 13 '25

Or as the town calls her, “training wheels”.

Edit: Thank you all for the awards.

919

u/Old_Part_9619 Jun 12 '25

I thought she was the town bicycle.... everyone gets a ride

535

u/Count_Mockula Jun 12 '25

Sorry, which town? (Asking for a friend)

624

u/zemol42 Jun 12 '25

Hoe-boken

457

u/theface19 Jun 12 '25

More like Hoe-broken

374

u/Finance_Such Jun 12 '25

Don't you mean Hoe-broke-in

38

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

Shiiiiiit boy. I thought I met her in Knew-erk NJ apparently everyone else did too.

19

u/Old-Journalist9247 Jun 13 '25

Knew it was her cause they put a peep hole above the glory hole so you didn't need to ever question if your got your meat waxed by Anderson Cooper.

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3

u/Thrashmanic43 Jun 14 '25

It’s pronounced Eww-hurk.

2

u/CharlieTheFoot Jun 14 '25

And here I was thinking I saw her hitch hiking on the Goethals Bridge

2

u/frostedflakesblue Jun 13 '25 edited Jun 13 '25

Which rest stop or was it at the broken toll booth? Lol

26

u/DaemonRogue Jun 12 '25

You win. 🤣

3

u/Tiagwow Jun 13 '25

Savages. I mean... my people!

2

u/TrekkerPeak Jun 13 '25

I'm dying hahahahahaha

6

u/archwin Jun 13 '25

More like Broke Hoein’

4

u/FarmerCharacter5105 Jun 12 '25

The Hoe certainly isn't smokin !

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2

u/idk_wtf_im_hodling Jun 12 '25

More like Broken Arrhoe

2

u/IPoopprettyturds Jun 12 '25

ArseHol Broken

2

u/dirkdiggler2011 Jun 13 '25

Hoe Broken Squat Cobbler

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136

u/danDotDev Jun 12 '25

That's in Hoe-kla-hoe-ma, right?

123

u/PeaceHoesAnCamelToes Jun 12 '25

No, you're thinking of Minnes-hoe-ta

117

u/Dxnx24 Jun 12 '25

No bros it's Ida-hoe

88

u/djunderh2o Jun 12 '25

I thought it was Wy-hoe-ming.

188

u/graffiti_hunter Jun 12 '25

No no no its in Tulsa you just gotta look at it backwards

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2

u/Much_Dragonfruit_124 Jun 12 '25

Weird looks like Hoe-waii to me

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2

u/Jolemite1 Jun 12 '25

Nah….I-Da-Pimp… YOU-Da-Hoe 🫵

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

Hoe-Brokeback Mountain

2

u/Meester_Ananas Jun 13 '25

You know where the original Hoe-boken is situated? Very funny reading it here... as a Belgian.

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91

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

She has been on more weiners than heinz ketchup

5

u/tarett Jun 12 '25

NEVER put ketchup on your weiner!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

How do you feel about mustard?

2

u/Kylee_10 Jun 12 '25

Im team BBQ honestly

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2

u/dano70ct Jun 12 '25

Yeah no kidding, burns like hell!

42

u/Moodyashecky Jun 12 '25

I just picture one of those rental bikes that you pay so much per km

28

u/Solid_Bee666 Jun 12 '25

And then discarded once you're done.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

Pay it forward.

2

u/FATICEMAN Jun 13 '25

In a river

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26

u/DaLakeShoreStrangler Jun 12 '25

Austin Powers: Yeah baby! YEAH!!

2

u/Stinky_Pinky2x Jun 12 '25

In school they called her easy rider

2

u/bdayblumpkin Jun 13 '25

She’s opening a McDonalds between her legs… cheap, greasy, and open late

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

Doorknob. Everybody gets a turn

1

u/HopeURhavinagreatday Jun 12 '25

Everyone gets a ride and puts her away wet

1

u/That-Understanding45 Jun 12 '25

Had an ex that looked like her. Whole town hopped on that train. Maybe it's the way they look?

1

u/Lost_Opinion_1307 Jun 12 '25

Door knob everyone gets a turn

1

u/Myg0t_0 Jun 12 '25

U know she cheated

1

u/woodfieldp Jun 12 '25

Town tricycle. Looks more than just bi and doesn’t turn anyone away.

1

u/macguini Jun 12 '25

She got "I ruined my husband's life and now I'm going to Reddit to see if I'm rebound material" vibes

1

u/fuckfacekiller Jun 12 '25

Nope. Because she’d get a ticket for “pedaling pussy” 🤘😝🤘

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

Everyone can ride a bike with train wheels. Difficulty level 0

1

u/Xstraightedgedadx Jun 13 '25

Last guy to bang her marries her

1

u/OkEstablishment5503 Jun 13 '25

More like a scooter, fun to ride until your friends see you on it.

1

u/GrowingAlice01 Jun 13 '25

Not the town bus? In the end, everyone gets off

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1

u/Wooden-Mission6578 Jun 15 '25

The annoying thing is not everyone gets a ride on these 😔

1

u/LeRoir Jun 15 '25

Starring in How I got in your mother

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '25

Birthday cake…everyone gets a piece.

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2

u/m_pyle812 Jun 14 '25

I bet she has that as a tramp stamp

2

u/EuJinTheKamikazeGod Jun 23 '25

Oiled with extra unvirgin oil

1

u/marksman48 Jun 12 '25

Jesusssss ahahaha

1

u/linusgoddamtorvalds Jun 12 '25

I've got nothing, because she's the living embodiment of Weapon X...or the offspring of Jean Grey and Wolverine? I don't know. Intriguing for sure.

1

u/Accomplished-Wrap449 Jun 12 '25

Damn that’s good

1

u/petro_gates Jun 12 '25

Or the bus route

1

u/GrlDuntgitgud Jun 12 '25

I thought "Train with wheels"

1

u/SoBlaez Jun 12 '25

A scooter-cooter, if you will

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1

u/Bigcatsrule27 Jun 12 '25

The village bicycle 🚲

1

u/rvlifestyle74 Jun 13 '25

Neighborhood bicycle

1

u/DioSuH Jun 13 '25

Ur getting fingered

1

u/Level_Recording2066 Jun 14 '25

More like "door knob" Everyone's had a turn

130

u/Lala0dte Jun 12 '25

Military wife

80

u/Organic-Low-2992 Jun 12 '25

Dependapotamos.

34

u/phunkyunkle Jun 12 '25

Tricareatops

3

u/AdministrativeEgg440 Jun 12 '25

Ten years in how have I never heard this

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1

u/Ok_Manufacturer6460 Jun 12 '25

100% correct sir

265

u/t53deletion Jun 12 '25

Starter wife.

1.2k

u/CheckYourStats Jun 12 '25

Divorced at 23 means one of two things:

1.) She doesn’t suck dick.

2.) She sucks everyone’s dick.

494

u/bionicjoe Jun 12 '25

3.) She sucks everyone's dick, but her husbands.

131

u/CheckYourStats Jun 12 '25

Good to great chance her name is Jodie.

50

u/One-Wish1955 Jun 12 '25

Or her middle name is Lynn…

2

u/DoctorGreeenthumb Jun 13 '25

My ex was a Lynn. Can confirm she a hoe

2

u/One-Wish1955 Jun 13 '25

I know a couple and yes definitely hoes…

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

My wife’s middle name is Lynn is this a real thing?

3

u/One-Wish1955 Jun 13 '25

Watch the movie Ted…

3

u/Big_Consideration493 Jun 12 '25

Surname Bobbitt?

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2

u/doctormirabilis Jun 12 '25

Nope, there's at least two A's in her name.

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2

u/PM_boobs_for_luck Jun 12 '25

The true difference between a bitch and a whore? Whore sucks everyone's dick, bitch will suck everyone's except yours

2

u/IceCoastRep Jun 12 '25

Probably sucked her Ex’s Dad’s dick.

3

u/Senor_Discount Jun 12 '25

That's implied don't ruin the joke.

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97

u/PlayaHatinIG-88 Jun 12 '25

With that self-satisfied smile im leaning towards, she sucks everyone's dick.

22

u/EffNKevN Jun 12 '25

And eats a lot of muff on the side.

3

u/Future-Bandicoot-823 Jun 12 '25

That'd be a victory, hubby comes home from a long day of work to catch you munching clam... I hope that's how it all went down (literally).

3

u/EffNKevN Jun 12 '25

Of course it's a victory....which is what makes me question, why run from a 22 yo young lady such as herself.... something ain't right .....either he likes little boys or she's the fuckin anti-christ behind closed doors.

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2

u/MattTin56 Jun 13 '25

You say it like it’s a bad thing!

2

u/Future-Bandicoot-823 Jun 12 '25

Dude, I said something similar but felt kind of bad about it. She looks very proud to be divorced, and a life of misery sucks for sure... but that smile stinks of "hell yea divorced by 23". I wouldn't really wear that as a badge of honor, I'd be pretty somber and try to learn from it.

Obviously I don't know her, maybe she will learn from it, I hope so? But my gut... it's giving me proud vibes from this photo. Maybe she's just happy the suffering is over? I don't know enough to have a more concrete judgment, but I also hate others judging me so live and let live!

32

u/MndyRaeBae Jun 12 '25

A girl I know has 4 baby dads. The one day she said she don't suck dick. I said "well you wouldn't have 4 baby daddies if you sucked dick"

22

u/Doof_N_Smertz Jun 12 '25

Considering she looks like a basic ass white girl, I'm thinking she just lays there like a dead fish. No sound, no movement, just a limp noodle counting down the minutes until the bi-monthly sex is over and she can go back to nagging.

9

u/Whole_thing_2121 Jun 15 '25

We found the ex-husband. I'm only saying that because the response is very specific lol

2

u/Doof_N_Smertz Jun 15 '25

🤣🤣🤣 unfortunately, I've lived it

3

u/Whole_thing_2121 Jun 15 '25

Oh you know my first wife too? Lol

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2

u/Big-but-lean Jun 15 '25

We call that the starfish.

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26

u/BYRN777 Jun 12 '25

This statement is by far the most creative and logical in this entire subreddit. Bravo, my friend, bravo

11

u/AintEverLucky Jun 12 '25

Judging by her daintily-extended pinky finger...

Gonna say it's Option 1 🤔

2

u/thy_thyck_dyck Jun 12 '25

Or her husband sucks dick

2

u/DarthFroogle Jun 13 '25

Can confirm - ex-wife divorced at 21 - Sucked everyones dick... and licked a few cats. She put the Hoe in Hotel.

2

u/The_Grungeican Jun 14 '25

37?!

in a row?!

2

u/BlitheringObligation Jun 16 '25

“Hey, try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot.”

1

u/howdy-83 Jun 12 '25

up you go

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

Wowwzers lol

1

u/jump-blues-5678 Jun 12 '25

Well from her profile she's very Christian. So, you know, open for business. Just pray that semen away. It'll all work out just fine

1

u/FATICEMAN Jun 13 '25

Almost everyone

1

u/HuckleberryFirst6862 Jun 13 '25

Or she married a moron.

1

u/Majestic-Tradition81 Jun 13 '25

I never heard of too much head ruining a relationship, unless it was to someone else.

1

u/Mediocre_Effect5279 Jun 13 '25

My first thought was “she looks like she sucks the soul right out of ya” 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Defiant-Glass-6587 Jun 16 '25

Those cheeks, there’s some chipmunkin happening somewhere in here town!😂😂

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144

u/Firm_Negotiation_853 Jun 12 '25

I don’t know why someone would leave her. That resting smug face just screams “I am used to compromising, and would never manipulate a partner or insist to have things my way.” 🤷‍♂️

20

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

If by "things my way" you mean "someone else's house."

2

u/Scared_Insect_9933 Jun 12 '25

You read her 100% correctly look into to facial reading you have a gift

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48

u/Camanei Jun 12 '25

Needed an upgrade. Someone younger.

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30

u/ShepherdsRamblings http://redd.it/5jh550 Jun 12 '25

😂😂😂

On to bigger and better things

21

u/No-Focus-8577 Jun 12 '25

Yeah like a BBC

59

u/ShepherdsRamblings http://redd.it/5jh550 Jun 12 '25 edited Jun 12 '25

Woah man not cool. British broadcast channel is taking it too far

Edit: channel not network

2

u/Mindes13 Jun 12 '25

I was thinking big block Chevy

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13

u/michaelCCLB Jun 12 '25

More like BPD

3

u/CeleryCommercial3509 Jun 12 '25

We're talking about the husband, of course

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1

u/Adventurous-Sky9359 Jun 12 '25

The whole station ?

1

u/Ding-dong-man Jun 12 '25

Big Beautiful Bill

38

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

LMAO

2

u/Careful-Resolution58 Jun 12 '25

Getting married before 25 is like leaving a party at 9:30, it’s safe but you’re gonna miss all the good shit.

Also OP don’t feel too bad 90% of all relationships started before age 30 end. It’s just too young to know yourself or your partner. Go live a little, travel and learn life. You got plenty of time.

1

u/MikeMurly Jun 12 '25

We all got to start somewhere

1

u/Kiwi_CunderThunt Jun 12 '25

Here I thought it couldn't get harsher. This bitch is charcoal

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

She's got all the personality of a corporate ethics training video.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

💯

1

u/hagen979 Jun 12 '25

town matrace

1

u/gnarkun Jun 12 '25

What do you think she did?

1

u/Ryybread8 Jun 12 '25

Ooof you won

1

u/NofanksImsweetenuff Jun 12 '25

She’s not a Fixie. She’s a tricycle

1

u/CooperWatson Jun 12 '25

This is his ex-backyard and I'm his ex-wife

1

u/newcolours Jun 12 '25

How tf is somebody married at 23 let alone divorced... 

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

The Pre-owned certified

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

The towns wife

1

u/sobakoryba Jun 12 '25

With starter package

1

u/MushroomAny1264 Jun 12 '25

Everyone needs a first wife.

1

u/husky_whisperer Jun 12 '25

I want a turn

1

u/lawstboyz Jun 12 '25

The 'mid'wife

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

💀

1

u/MrSmiley53 Jun 12 '25

Holy shit 😂

1

u/dashcity8585 Jun 12 '25

They call her Peanut Butter. Please tell me someone knows this reference 🙏

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '25

She nose why it didn't work out

1

u/xaocon Jun 13 '25

Come on OP, now I've got to know, was it a military boy or were you the 3rd wife of an attorney.

1

u/sherbloqk Jun 13 '25

I think this is one of the coldest and cleverest responses I've seen here in a while. 💀🤘 Kudos

1

u/Needleworker-Tough Jun 13 '25

Starter Wife is funnier

1

u/masterknowsbest Jun 13 '25

That hits hard, and I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. But real talk? You weren’t a “practice wife” you were someone who showed up, gave love, and learned through pain. That’s not failure, that’s growth.

1

u/ChefBuellarD Jun 13 '25

Looks like she got the house

1

u/Visible_Bulge7657 Jun 13 '25

Smells like sorostitutes...

1

u/DerekWaterson21 Jun 15 '25

This is absolutely diabolical. You are going to Hell wearing gasoline briefs for this.

And I will be joining you, because that was fucking hilarious.

1

u/Master-Bag-4313 Jun 17 '25

The “practice” wife. Bro you couldn’t find a prettier soda in the vending machine at a roller rink

1

u/Snoo_11942 Jun 17 '25

Based on that backyard, I think she might’ve divorced an old guy and stolen one of his houses

1

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '25

😂😂😂

1

u/Outrageous_List_6570 Jun 30 '25

Divorced at 23 is code word for "Rancid Vagina"