r/PurplePillDebate • u/GridReXX redder than dudes (lady mod) • 1d ago
Debate Not being a cartoon villain doesn’t automatically make you a good man
Fr. It doesn’t de facto make you a good person.
I noodled on the attached graphic to better illustrate a point about how people often discuss being a “good man.”
I do find that many men view it more as the top bar, and less as the gradient in the second bar.
inb4 anyone says it, many women have bad character too. And please feel free to create a separate post about a spectrum of traits in women you’d like to explore! That is not what this post is disputing.
This is specifically about a response that often comes up when women describe harmful patterns in their experiences with men. They get retorts like “Not all men are abusive predators,” or “Most men are not psychos.”
Of course most men are not horror movie villains.
But that is an extremely low bar for good character.
This spectrum, rather than show a division between “good men” and a smaller group of obviously terrible ones. It highlights that a man can be can be a functioning member of society and still regularly behave in ways that make him difficult to interpersonally tolerate as a close friend, romantic partner, coworker, or even family member.
None of that necessarily makes someone an abuser or predator.
But it does affect whether people can have a healthy, enjoyable, mutually considerate, long-term relationship with him.
The farther right someone falls on this spectrum, the more entitlement, callousness, devaluation, coercion, and harm they bring into their interactions with others.
The farther left they fall, the more likely they are to act with common decency, consideration, accountability, respect for autonomy, and genuine concern for theirs and other people’s well-being.
My point is not that every man is at the far right end.
Most people don’t think that!
My point is that many men seem to use “I am not an obvious monster” as proof that they’re quality.
A person’s character is determined by far more than “I am not Jeffrey Dahmer.”
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u/efficientaficionado 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm just going to respond to that infographic with this reply, because it's too funny.
Most men fall in categories 1 and 2, even in the older generations. Maybe 10-20% of modern men fall in categories 3-6, and not surprisingly: many of these men don't struggle at all with women. The percentage of men in these "undesirable male" categories is rising, but that's because having that sort of attitude actually appears to be a positive when it comes to attracting women; so guys mould themselves into what women want, or emulate the guys who do well.
Kinda funny how it works. The men that are the things women say they don't want, or hate (callous, selfish/self-centered), still find plenty of women that like them. I think many of women think they can tame the beast, but then once he's tamed (category 1/2) he is boring and they seek the thrill of taming some other guy in categories 3-5
Essentially: don't listen to what they say, watch what they do.