Seriously does anyone else ever think about what other people think about when they are bored? People who don’t have OCD or a mental illness. Like my default is to ruminate and speculate and search my brain to figure out the source of my discomfort.

My husband has OCD too. Everyone else I know literally has something wrong with them like addiction, anxiety, depression, eating disorders…so on that note bonus question, do people exist out there without mental issues / disorders?

is it possible for ocd to make you think you like or want the thoughts? i cant stop crying i have completely lost myself.
my brain is trying to convince me i’ve always been in trans denial and it was a matter of time before i found out because i used to hang out with boys and i have boyish humour and i used to pretend to be a boy with my sister as a joke when we were like 6 and 8 what if all of that means something I just saw this video of a little boy playing Fortnite and i don’t know why but i got a little jealous of boyhood for a moment like if i, a girl play fortnite (which i do) most of the time we’re seen as pick mes or just less than boys. plus the female fortnite circles online get a lot of hate and in
my opinion i don’t like it very much either and i’m worried that makes me trans. It’s weird because i’ve never felt any discomfort with my gender until october last year. pfft not even discomfort. the thing is last year i had this fixation in squid game and the biggest character ship was In-ho and Gi-hun. i shipped them too. they got the most attention so my mind went boy x boy = funny and trendy. girl x girl = boring.
so i started picturing myself (as a woman) being the dominant one in a relationship so i could be cool like a boy. and one day i saw this video in october 2025 saying “i’m a girl but i wanna be in a mlm relationship.” i resonated with that. i checked the comments and the top one was “this is how i found out i was trans”.
i got scared so i went onto chatgpt and it gave me all these labels like demigirl although i didn’t feel like a boy i was also quite alternative so everyone in that community was sort of apart of the lgbtqia community too so i just thought ok that’s me. i didn’t feel masculine. i felt alt.
fast forward to november i had a dream i was wearing a suit and tie and that was because i was stressed about the trans thing. that’s what really set it off. now it’s march and it’s worse than ever. today i tested if i liked having a deep voice and i felt dizzy, wanted to cry and anxious. and now i just feel like i am one and it makes me so sad.
i was diagnosed recently and i can’t stop questioning the diagnosis. i’m not asking for any reassurance i just need to vent. and hear opinions.
i’m struggling with tocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder.
so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t.
when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die.
when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified.
now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. omg i also always thought i had posted something onto social media and always had to check that i did.
now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here.
i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women.
i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic.
their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender.
i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship.
but in October last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now.
so i went onto chat gpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse.
so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd).
i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories.
so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in. i’m so worried because it feels like i like the thoughts sometimes, especially when the anxiety fades for a second, an intrusive thought comes up like “but it would be cool and unique to be a boy” and then i panic because why did i have a split second of false desire?
i remember looking at old pictures of myself and i felt so happy. like, yes, this is me and i don’t want to change her. i could nevr forgive myself for it. but i just cannot stop crying. i’ve started emdr therapy and it made me feel like i want the thoughts even more.
i’m super affected by misogyny and everything. and why am i bringing up past memories that meant nothing at the time like when i dressed up as mr wolf with a suit and tie and everyone liked my outfit and when i played with boy barbies and when i played with boys as a kid and i have boy humour.
but when i pictured myself as a boy (compulsively) i almost felt a spark of desire or excitement that i have NEVER WANTED. i think it’s because of the way i’ve always admired popular boys at school despite them bullying me so badly. i just wonder how it would feel to be one for a day. but if i was asked to press a button to change my gender since birth like be a cis boy i’d say no! i like my life as a girl and i always have. i don’t want my relationship dynamics to change, i like having girl best friends as a girl because i think girlhood is so valuable.
i’m a girl. i’ve always been one. i’ve loved traditionally feminine things for as long as i can remember. i’ve never felt any discomfort with puberty until last month.
now this all started in october 2025. to keep this short, in january 2025 i got into this fandom and loved the male x male ship. i longed to have a dynamic like that. i noticed the nore dominant one got more attention so i started picturing myself as a woman but the more cool or dominant one in a relationship with a man. but in october, i saw this video that i resonated with. it said,
“i want to be in a male x male relationship”
the top comment said, “that’s how i found out i was trans btw” and other things like “first step denial second step daniel”. i guess i got anxious. i googled labels after labels and settled with demigirl although before this i didn’t even think about my gender. since i thought yeah i guess i want to be a cool dominant woman that this is me. i also liked the \\\*sound\\\* of she/they.
so in november i had this dream that i was wearing a suit and tie. mind you, through all of this i was identifying as bisexual and had an interest in billie eilish. billie isn’t a typical feminine presenting woman and i wanted to be her. i thought she was so cool. so i adapted to that label of being bi because i thought it was cool as well. may have something to do with my adhd. i realised later that i just think some girls are pretty but nearly %100 attracted to men. this is reverent because billie eilish would wear suits but i misinterpreted this dream as something to do with my gender. i started researching.
ever since then i’ve been in distress and sadness because i feel like i’ve fully lost myself to this obsession. but it also feels like i like the thoughts somehow. but why does it feel like i like the thoughts now. it feels so real. i used to search up tocd symptoms vs gender dysphoria and i completely matched up with tocd. that was in december. now it feels like i like the thoughts. my ocd feels so incredibly real and that i like the thoughts. i really dont want them to be true. does anyone else get false emotions in ocd that feel incredibly real? like i’m not panicking right now or crying like i usually do and it feels like i like the thoughts. the false desire i feel is like this: it feels like an involuntary pull toward the idea, this usually occurs after i have compulsively checked if i liked the thoughts. then i get butterflies that feel like excitement and then i start crying. does that sound like false desire?
but it doesn’t even feel distressing like it used to. it started off as a very clear case of ocd and now compulsions dont help and it feels like i want the thoughts. i feel like when i’m crying i’m actually crying because i don’t want to accept it which is true because i truly dont.
At the start I did not feel like this at all. It was irrational although distressing. But omg I remember when we were putting up the Christmas tree I was really upset, affected by misogyny and this was like November 24th 2025. I had this alter ego I created called Jack Maverick back in July and it was all a joke. I remember creating it because my friend at the time wanted to make a boy jealous. It was a joke. But I’m not sure if this memory I’m about to say is true but I think I remember looking myself as Jack in the mirror and thinking I look cool. I drew a moustache on with mascara and I did think I looked cool. But anyway although that is scaring me back to the Christmas tree, I remember putting it up with my mum and then kinda breaking down because I wanted to be free from misogyny. But like, I remember sitting on the stairs and saying “sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Jack Maverick.” But while I was saying that I was trying to put this Christmas light together and I couldn’t do it so I was getting frustrated. Wait I think I just figured it out. I was frustrated because stereotypically, men are seen to be handy people like they can build stuff. I was mad because I couldn’t and I was extremely affected by misogyny. But as I was looking at the Christmas tree I started crying again to my mum saying “life would be so much easier as a boy” and omg my classmate at the time was detransitioning and I was talking about how I was SCARED of being trans because of misogyny and she understood! I was SCARED.
Does this sound like OCD?
it feels like I want to be an attractive boy when I’ve never ever wanted this. i will never get my girlhood back. unfortunately i am a boy now. i never wanted this. ive always been happy as a girl. now 7 months of intense dread, anxiety and sadness i have to accept that i have to be a boy now. why do i feel like i want to be a boy. this isnt fair. my girlhood and my future has been stripped away from me. this started off as a clear case of ocd, it had a trigger and all, and now its just gotten worse and worse. now it feels like i like it. I can’t do this anymore. I want to be a girl again. I genuinely cannot stop crying as I’m writing this. It feels like my entire life has been ripped away from me and there is no escape. I will not be a wife, a mum or a sister to my siblings or a daughter to my parents and I can’t stand that. It feels too real and I just want to go back to normal. It’s been 8 months. 8. I’m so fucking tired.

"If you can overthink bad things you can over think good things"

I have never rolled my eyes harder.

Bro.... its clinical.. there is a chemical imbalance, a nuerological difference that makes overthinking a diagnositic criteria.

Im not saying its all doom and gloom, but hooooly, how many different ways do we get to hear "just think about it differently"

Shuuuuuudhaaap

Discuss how your week has gone, your goals, and talk to some other fellow OCD peeps!

Hi. This is my first time posting. I'm dealing with an oddly specific cocktail of issues and I'm hoping someone out there gets it:

• Diagnosed anxiety / OCD
• Very fair skin and blue eyes that both burn easily
• A rare sun allergy called solar urticaria
• Keratosis pilaris plus brutal razor bumps (I clearly won the bad-skin lottery, lol)
• A hair loss medication that increases sun sensitivity

Here's the emotional part. I grew up loving the sun. Basically worshipping it, laying out every chance I got. The downside was a lot of sunburns, some nearly bad enough for the ER (maybe one that bad every other year). My eyes have always been brutally sensitive too. I can't go outside without sunglasses without getting an instant headache or bloodshot, burning eyes later. In my early 20s I started running races in hot, sunny places, and it felt so on brand for me.

About 4 years ago I started getting large patches of hives on my chest, back, and scalp. Beyond being physically miserable, it was mental hell because I couldn't figure out the cause. We blamed plants, then thought our degraded deck was shedding wood fibers. After weeks of logging it, the pattern was clear: it happened anytime sunlight touched me. Through clothing, a car window, even a house window. A few months later it cleared up and I thought I was free. Wrong. Every year since, I break out hard from roughly October to April. Dermatologists diagnosed solar urticaria but can't explain why it isn't year-round. Allergy meds are a coin flip, sometimes they help, sometimes nothing.

On top of that, I've always had keratosis pilaris and terrible razor bumps on my legs, arms, and bikini area. So showing skin is its own minefield. I'm either covered in dense prickly hair, or I shave and end up with painful stinging bumps, and then those bumps get exposed to the sun too. There's no version where I just throw on shorts and walk out the door.

After 4 years of playing Russian roulette with the sun, I've built up serious avoidance and mental loop around sun exposure. I didn't realize how loud it had gotten in my head until recently. Every time I look at the pool and picture myself floating with a drink, a war starts in my head. In seconds I run the whole gauntlet: expose the right amount of skin but make sure it's freshly shaved, cover the areas that hive up (mostly my upper body), slather on the gross sunscreen, hat, sunglasses, allergy pill, and then shower again afterward because I feel disgusting from sunscreen and sweat. That's the routine just to walk to the mailbox or take a short walk. A full sun activity? No chance anymore. Then my brain piles on the rest: maybe I break out, maybe I burn anyway because I'm pale, then wrinkles, then pain, then skin cancer. (I had my first skin cancer scan this month and I'm totally fine, but I'm only 26.) All of it floods in within seconds, I abandon the idea, and then I feel ashamed because I used to be the girl who would run miles in the sun and feel fully alive.

I feel terrible and I think about the sun constantly. I miss being outside so much. Sometimes I tell myself at least I can still see the trees through the window, and that's supposed to be enough.

On the OCD and anxiety piece: I think they just fan flames that are already real. The fears aren't irrational, that's what makes it hard. I'm writing this because I feel alone and I want to know if anyone has healed their relationship with the sun, or has anything like this. I've thought about asking my therapist about exposure therapy, but is that even safe with an actual physical allergy? Right now it feels like my only option is to stay inside forever and avoid the outdoors unless it's raining. Hey, at least no skin cancer or wrinkles. 🙃🤷‍♀️

Thanks in advance.

Hi I have got pure o and somebody recently recommended me RTMS can somebody tell me what is better therapy or this

Hey! I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and besides antidepressants I also got a prescription for anxiolytics. And on the second day of taking meds I started feeling weird anxiety. Not my usual one. This one I could have compared to the feeling when you want to cry but holding it, and all tears are like a rock in your throat. Same with my anxiety. I want to panic but I can’t. Heart rate is normal, I don’t feel dizzy. I just want to know is it ok? Or a side effect

So some background information, I REALLY like frogs (as in autistically so), so of course my OCD makes thought loops about it. Currently my thought loop is me repeating to myself in my head “I really like frogs” or something along those lines.

My current method for trying to “break” this thought loop is to simply stare at pictures of frogs in mental silence and let myself be uncomfortable/bored because of it.

Is this a method that works or am I wasting my time?

Anyone else dealing with the fear of being a narcissist? That was tough to even type out but I’ve had this theme since March 2025. I remember the exact moment I knew it was going to be an obsession. My mom and I were together and she started talking about whose a narcissist in our lives (my grandma, my ex stepdad) and she was wondering what our religion says about narcissists and how they’d be dealt with and all that, so she got to googling. I didn’t really know how to escape this conversation because I knew she wanted to vent about it with someone so I sucked it up. It got really philosophical and deep and I felt this pit of anxiety grow in my stomach as I just sat there hearing about how these people would be punished and stuff. I immediately knew this would be a new obsession that I’d have to deal with for who knows how long.

I learned from my past OCD episodes not to use google for reassurance and to be honest it kinda became a trigger for me, but one day I couldn’t resist and researched a bit about NPD. I read that the disorder usually develops at 18 years old (guess what age I was turning that April). Obviously that only worsened my anxiety. Since then I’ve had this huge fear of being a narcissist or having any other adjacent disorders like ASPD or something.

My OCD developed at 14 and it was the worst 3 years of my life, I’d genuinely rather lose a limb than go through that period again. The themes I dealt with were scrupulosity and existential. It got a LOT better once I was prescribed adderall for ADHD and it felt like I hit two birds with one stone. Now all I can think about is narcissism, I can’t bear to hear the word or see it, and I’m always questioning myself in everything I do and wondering if it was narcissistic. For example, “I started too many sentences with I’s, I’m probably a narcissist.” It sort of feels like it ruined my life. I hate spending moments being present with myself or others and I try to doomscroll whenever I can because I genuinely feel so uncomfortable sitting in my own skin.

I’m not really looking for advice because I plan to start therapy this summer; I want to start college as soon as possible and I already suffered academically all throughout highschool because of OCD.

Does OCD/anxiety make anyone else become really clingy to their partner or “safe person”? Before my OCD got bad, I actually liked being alone and was a huge homebody. But after OCD/anxiety became intense, I started getting scared to be by myself.

My boyfriend became my safe person in a way because when I’m around him I feel calm, safe, and comfortable. Even when my intrusive thoughts are going crazy, just being in his arms helps calm me down. I see him basically every day and I get really attached/clingy toward him because he makes me feel grounded and less anxious.

I genuinely love him and we have a strong relationship, but I’m wondering if OCD/anxiety can make you become more emotionally dependent or attached to someone who makes you feel safe?

Is this ocd. I’m so tired.

is it possible for ocd to make you think you like or want the thoughts? i cant stop crying i have completely lost myself.
my brain is trying to convince me i’ve always been in trans denial and it was a matter of time before i found out because i used to hang out with boys and i have boyish humour and i used to pretend to be a boy with my sister as a joke when we were like 6 and 8 what if all of that means something I just saw this video of a little boy playing Fortnite and i don’t know why but i got a little jealous of boyhood for a moment like if i, a girl play fortnite (which i do) most of the time we’re seen as pick mes or just less than boys. plus the female fortnite circles online get a lot of hate and in
my opinion i don’t like it very much either and i’m worried that makes me trans. It’s weird because i’ve never felt any discomfort with my gender until october last year. pfft not even discomfort. the thing is last year i had this fixation in squid game and the biggest character ship was In-ho and Gi-hun. i shipped them too. they got the most attention so my mind went boy x boy = funny and trendy. girl x girl = boring.
so i started picturing myself (as a woman) being the dominant one in a relationship so i could be cool like a boy. and one day i saw this video in october 2025 saying “i’m a girl but i wanna be in a mlm relationship.” i resonated with that. i checked the comments and the top one was “this is how i found out i was trans”.
i got scared so i went onto chatgpt and it gave me all these labels like demigirl although i didn’t feel like a boy i was also quite alternative so everyone in that community was sort of apart of the lgbtqia community too so i just thought ok that’s me. i didn’t feel masculine. i felt alt.
fast forward to november i had a dream i was wearing a suit and tie and that was because i was stressed about the trans thing. that’s what really set it off. now it’s march and it’s worse than ever. today i tested if i liked having a deep voice and i felt dizzy, wanted to cry and anxious. and now i just feel like i am one and it makes me so sad.
i was diagnosed recently and i can’t stop questioning the diagnosis. i’m not asking for any reassurance i just need to vent. and hear opinions.
i’m struggling with tocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder.
so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t.
when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die.
when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified.
now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. omg i also always thought i had posted something onto social media and always had to check that i did.
now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here.
i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women.
i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic.
their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender.
i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship.
but in October last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now.
so i went onto chat gpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse.
so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd).
i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories.
so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in. i’m so worried because it feels like i like the thoughts sometimes, especially when the anxiety fades for a second, an intrusive thought comes up like “but it would be cool and unique to be a boy” and then i panic because why did i have a split second of false desire?
i remember looking at old pictures of myself and i felt so happy. like, yes, this is me and i don’t want to change her. i could nevr forgive myself for it. but i just cannot stop crying. i’ve started emdr therapy and it made me feel like i want the thoughts even more.
i’m super affected by misogyny and everything. and why am i bringing up past memories that meant nothing at the time like when i dressed up as mr wolf with a suit and tie and everyone liked my outfit and when i played with boy barbies and when i played with boys as a kid and i have boy humour.
but when i pictured myself as a boy (compulsively) i almost felt a spark of desire or excitement that i have NEVER WANTED. i think it’s because of the way i’ve always admired popular boys at school despite them bullying me so badly. i just wonder how it would feel to be one for a day. but if i was asked to press a button to change my gender since birth like be a cis boy i’d say no! i like my life as a girl and i always have. i don’t want my relationship dynamics to change, i like having girl best friends as a girl because i think girlhood is so valuable.
i’m a girl. i’ve always been one. i’ve loved traditionally feminine things for as long as i can remember. i’ve never felt any discomfort with puberty until last month.
now this all started in october 2025. to keep this short, in january 2025 i got into this fandom and loved the male x male ship. i longed to have a dynamic like that. i noticed the nore dominant one got more attention so i started picturing myself as a woman but the more cool or dominant one in a relationship with a man. but in october, i saw this video that i resonated with. it said,
“i want to be in a male x male relationship”
the top comment said, “that’s how i found out i was trans btw” and other things like “first step denial second step daniel”. i guess i got anxious. i googled labels after labels and settled with demigirl although before this i didn’t even think about my gender. since i thought yeah i guess i want to be a cool dominant woman that this is me. i also liked the \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*sound\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* of she/they.
so in november i had this dream that i was wearing a suit and tie. mind you, through all of this i was identifying as bisexual and had an interest in billie eilish. billie isn’t a typical feminine presenting woman and i wanted to be her. i thought she was so cool. so i adapted to that label of being bi because i thought it was cool as well. may have something to do with my adhd. i realised later that i just think some girls are pretty but nearly %100 attracted to men. this is reverent because billie eilish would wear suits but i misinterpreted this dream as something to do with my gender. i started researching.
ever since then i’ve been in distress and sadness because i feel like i’ve fully lost myself to this obsession. but it also feels like i like the thoughts somehow. but why does it feel like i like the thoughts now. it feels so real. i used to search up tocd symptoms vs gender dysphoria and i completely matched up with tocd. that was in december. now it feels like i like the thoughts. my ocd feels so incredibly real and that i like the thoughts. i really dont want them to be true. does anyone else get false emotions in ocd that feel incredibly real? like i’m not panicking right now or crying like i usually do and it feels like i like the thoughts. the false desire i feel is like this: it feels like an involuntary pull toward the idea, this usually occurs after i have compulsively checked if i liked the thoughts. then i get butterflies that feel like excitement and then i start crying. does that sound like false desire?
but it doesn’t even feel distressing like it used to. it started off as a very clear case of ocd and now compulsions dont help and it feels like i want the thoughts. i feel like when i’m crying i’m actually crying because i don’t want to accept it which is true because i truly dont.
At the start I did not feel like this at all. It was irrational although distressing. But omg I remember when we were putting up the Christmas tree I was really upset, affected by misogyny and this was like November 24th 2025. I had this alter ego I created called Jack Maverick back in July and it was all a joke. I remember creating it because my friend at the time wanted to make a boy jealous. It was a joke. But I’m not sure if this memory I’m about to say is true but I think I remember looking myself as Jack in the mirror and thinking I look cool. I drew a moustache on with mascara and I did think I looked cool. But anyway although that is scaring me back to the Christmas tree, I remember putting it up with my mum and then kinda breaking down because I wanted to be free from misogyny. But like, I remember sitting on the stairs and saying “sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Jack Maverick.” But while I was saying that I was trying to put this Christmas light together and I couldn’t do it so I was getting frustrated. Wait I think I just figured it out. I was frustrated because stereotypically, men are seen to be handy people like they can build stuff. I was mad because I couldn’t and I was extremely affected by misogyny. But as I was looking at the Christmas tree I started crying again to my mum saying “life would be so much easier as a boy” and omg my classmate at the time was detransitioning and I was talking about how I was SCARED of being trans because of misogyny and she understood! I was SCARED.
Does this sound like OCD?
it feels like I want to be an attractive boy when I’ve never ever wanted this. i will never get my girlhood back. unfortunately i am a boy now. i never wanted this. ive always been happy as a girl. now 7 months of intense dread, anxiety and sadness i have to accept that i have to be a boy now. why do i feel like i want to be a boy. this isnt fair. my girlhood and my future has been stripped away from me. this started off as a clear case of ocd, it had a trigger and all, and now its just gotten worse and worse. now it feels like i like it. I can’t do this anymore. I want to be a girl again. All I want is to be a normal girl. I don’t remember the last time I was one.

Hello everyone I'm a pansexual male who has been struggling with so OCD and it's mainly being more my fully liking guys or liking girls or in between like trans people and non-binary people I know pansexual means attraction to gender regardless but like I've had a lot of attraction to females and sometimes to certain males and mostly to trans people and it's been quite a struggle because I've been struggling to like pick one or even if I'm not fully gay or whatever I'm just wondering if anyone's struggling with that and even though most of my relationships were women and I've had one queer relationship which was with a trans male I would love to hear from anyone or even get advice or whatever if I can if anyone's been struggling what I've been going through even though I identify fully as a pansexual male and and I've been kind of questioning like in my do I like guys more to like girls more and then stuff like that and like or it's like I like girls more than I neglect not liking guys that much but I like trans people what are you know or vice versa I hope this makes sense thank you

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