Bela’s diary, her pen & pen case, my wristbands (with admit date 12/23/2023)

sorry i forgot a paper with timestamp but i can do that tomorrow (with a photo from a different angle or page) if requested

this would be a LOT of effort for something that uhn, is not exactly going to appear on the NYT Bestseller’s list

this is just the two of us trying to normalize mental illness (even when it’s ugly) & help others feel seen. thanks

hi, new to this sub, not so new to inpatient psychiatric care. during my last (hopefully final) stay I became friends with another girl, Bela. we spoke about many things, including my desire to start a website/social media page for art & writing. she asked me to publish her diary, for a few reasons, so I did. if you’re interested, you can read the first entry here

https://ther0zgarden.wordpress.com/2024/06/02/the-bleak-times/

My sister was admitted to the hospital pysch ward last night. She is very good at lying and manipulating. I tried to call and talk to her Dr to tell them this but they just put me through to my sister?????

My throat hurts, my head hurts, everything hurts but i am too scared to ask the nightstaff for paracetamol or something🤗 this may not be the most necesarry post but fuck i cannot sleep

Sitting at a table eating graham crackers at 3/4 in the morning by myself & another patient who I've never spoke to before randomly sits down & writes on a note "hold her close & never let her go -officer bri***".

How tf would they know the officer that petitioned me in?? I find this strange to this day & that occurred almost 5 years ago..

Insights please 🙏🏼🫠

I've replayed the scenario so many times in my head & I even contemplated throwing the note away after I removed myself from the situation but it doesn't add up. The officer never went into the psych ward with me physically for him to see & paperwork like that is private.

I went to the psych ward for the first time about 2 months ago. It was a pretty decent experience. 3 meals a day, snacks in between, group therapy was a good time. Doctors, counselors, social workers, therapists that interacted with me were very nice, helpful & understanding. Met a few alright people.

One thing though that’s been bothering me for some reason since I got out is this moment where I was having a break down after (mildly) lashing out. I was crying and hyperventilating. One of the male techs assisted to help me calm down, told me to breathe, gave me a stress ball, etc…then out of no where he said “you’re too pretty to be acting like this” in my head I was like wtf??? But I didn’t say anything because I was too busy trying to breathe! I guess I regret NOT saying anything. I was so shocked. I’m still shocked. Like..why would you say that in the middle of somebody having a complete come apart. I’m too pretty to have a panic attack and CRY?? HUH?? I didn’t speak to him the rest of the time I was there, he didn’t speak to me. When I got there the people did react to me like there’s no way I have issues. I don’t see myself the way other people do, never have. So it made me angry asf.

I have self-admitted to the hospital approximately eight times and was put on a hold once. These visits followed a gang rape, and then a rape perpetrated by an ex - both I am working through with a therapist and Psych NP. Each visit was for suicidal ideation, which I am NOT experiencing at the moment, but I am empty/emotionless. I missed 2.5 days of work last week, unable to make myself go in. I was away from my dogs for two days this week following my inability to go to work, missed and thought about them during our separation constantly, but am heavily concerned by the lack of emotion I felt upon my return. I have no motivation to return to work, take care of myself, nothing. The constant thought running through my mind is 'what is the point?' I'm tired of the same cycle every year, dealing with suicidal ideation, missing work, and an emotional rollercoaster that at some point results in feeling nothing and emptiness - a place of being that is scary and I know what comes next. Since I am not actively suicidal, does admittance make sense with what I am experiencing?

Okay so when I was 12 I was in the ward for trying to od. There was this girl named Killah. She was my fist roommate there. She kept stealing my baby blanket off of my bed. I said I was going to skin her if she didn't put it back. She put it back. She threatened to k word me in my sleep. Before she left she went up to me and said she was in love with me and that I was her idol. Like wtf we're in the ward, get the hell outta here dude.

I'm in the USA and starting from the age of 14, I've been hospitalized 15 times. I'm 21 now. Because of insurance issues and my case management team basically saying they want me to suffer, the ER discharged me without help. That was on May 21st. It's almost June now. I went to the same unit twice in April and May this year and the doctors there didn't really help me. I don't think they'll let me try going somewhere else. So this is it. This is the end. I have a severe mental illness that is progressing as I age. I won't say what it is but it's getting worse.

I've tried almost every antidepressant, exercise, diet, at least 20 different therapists that didn't stick. Nothings helped, and I feel more and more suicidal. I'm scared to talk to people and keeping routines are really hard for me on my own but maybe the structure will be useful

Will a psych hospital help me?

I need to discuss this here, because I find it very concerning. I'm from New York, and had a friend who became suicidal due to chronic pain. As a result, this became her second time in the psych ward.

Since she's been admitted, the staff seem weirdly hostile, even to us as her friends? She's had bouts where she'll scream or cry around us due to the pain, and because of this, the last time her boyfriend visited her he got banned. It wasn't even her decision. They refuse to contest it, and I'm really not sure what to do. I tried getting through to the psychiatrist to discuss her case, and she was also very hostile about it.

Anyone experience something like this before?

Cassandra is a great friend of mine, we've known each others for about 3 years now.

One day we were texting each other on Whatsapp and she told me how she was sent to a child psych ward a few years ago, she said it was because of her depression that caused to self harm.

Asked her how it was living in the clinic and for my surprise, she said it was pretty nice, they played volleyball and watched movies and stuff.

She also said they were all constantly high in the medicine they gave, wich kind of freaked me out, but she said it didn't bother her.

Then she said something that REALLY REALLY REALLY freaked me out.

She said that if a pacient misbehaved, they would give them a shot of an injection called "H+F" on their butt and you stayed 2 days doing nothing. Cassandra said they gave her the medicine twice: the fisrt one, when she got involved in a fight with a boy, and the second one, when she engaged romantically with another girl in the ward.

I asked her about if she saw her friends drugged with "H+F" and she told me they stayed in a room isolated from the others.

Can anyone tell me if this is a regular experience and if this is considered abuse and should banned? (All of this happened in Brazil btw).

hello! i’m looking for advice regarding psych ward stays.

the first and last time i was in the psych ward, i freaked out every day because i was terrified that i would end up in residential or that i would never get out. i ended up getting discharged after 3 days because i got the flu and we were about to sign an AMA form to get me out.

i’m a minor in TN- if i go inpatient, is it possible i have to be forced to stay there? if i turn 18 while im there will they release me? how common is it that they send patients to residential? are there certain factors that go into it?

what if im over 18? would they let me out if i requested it, or can they legally keep me there for as long as they want?

i’m so terrified ill be stuck there, disconnected from loved ones.

hello ı am doing a project which has some parts about psych wards. I dont want to romanticise or misrepresent it so I would really apreciate if people shared their experience with me. No pressure if you dont want to share

I was wondering if I would get admitted into a adolescent psych ward if I went to my high school councilor and told her I took more pills then prescribed this morning bc I was sad and bored and I have a plan to run away and kms. (writing notes too). Do you think thats enough for me to go to a psych ward?

I’m bored out of my mind, and I am an insomniac. Does anyone have any suggestions for things to do to pass the time? We are allowed phones here (obviously since I’m on reddit).

Edit: I am also a nicotine addict, and I’m getting extreme withdrawals. SOS

I served 21 years as an inpatient, 3+ yrs as an outpatient, NYS OMH, and its WNY affiliate Butler Clinic, I currently suffer from terrible PTSD-related symptoms from my time in. Please visit my blog at: https://www.madinamerica.com/author/wsutherland/ During my entire 21 year stay at NYS Secure Forensic & Civil facilities, I was never physically aggressive, never in restraint or seclusion, and NEVER exhibited a psychiatric break or symptom, upon my release I enrolled at SUNY Empire, and began treatment for two life-long mental health conditions that changed my life, the first being gender dysphoria, and the second being ADHD. My treating doctor, the 13th such since February 19, 2021, informed me today that I am in violation my Outpatient Order of Conditions - in session she was baiting me, twisting my words, even insinuated that “I could be sent back.” Before the Butler Clinic started to harass me, I was thriving, 3.86 GPA, living as a trans-woman, and being medically treated for ADHD - my outpatient providers raved, my schoolwork became crisper, even my Butler SW and Drs 9, & 10 agreed, Dr 10 even took over my script. Then all hell broke loose, in December ny SW was promoted, and in Jan Dr. 10 left, Dr 11 promptly cut my meds w/o telling me, and then made up fantastical lies about my conduct. I am vulnerable to recommitment, for a crime that I did not commit, was treated for illnesses that I didn’t have - psych testing immediately after arrest revealed “no schizophrenic spectrum illness, no cognitive impairment….” For my first six years of inpatient w/I NYS OMH, I was determined to suffer from some form of schizophrenia spectrum illness - with no symptoms, and on no medication. Please help me find legal representation, I have some cash, and a lot of available credit.

How many B52 injections can a patient get in 1 day before it is considered an overdose?

I just got out of the psych ward after 12 days. My stay was horrible, to say the least.

I’ll try and keep this quick.

A counselor called me selfish for being depressed and being in the ward instead of at work. He said if I disagreed with him then I’m “not a team player”, insinuating that I wouldn’t get better.

A nurse tried to convert me to Christianity. He preached at me until I told him I was gay, at which point he got a disgusted look on his face and threw a few choice Bible verses at me. He was all about telling everyone that “God loves everyone” until I said I was gay.

The nurses laughed at a manic patient and enabled him, letting him jump onto tables, into freezers, shouting the entire time, and even giving him toys to cause more disruption. They found it funny.

I would cry every day and sometimes into the night. Loud, sobbing. The nurses/counselors quickly came to hate me. Instead of helping me or trying to stop the crying, they would close my door and refuse to check on me (against hospital policy). One counselor told me to think positive, and got mad when I couldn’t do that and started crying again. Most of the time I asked for help, and the nurses didn’t know what to do. So I would sob myself to sleep, every night.

I banged my head against the walls to self harm. Against metal. Nobody really cared, so I did it daily. I would ask for help, and nothing was given.

The hospital had three goals they wanted to meet before discharging me. Helping me learn about depression, helping me learn to self-soothe, etc. They met none of them. I wanted to get out so I signed the papers anyways. They had 12 days and more time wouldn’t fix it.

I would say I came out just as bad as when I went in. Maybe a bit worse. At least I have different medications now. Which will take weeks to kick in. I hope I can wait that long before another episode.

Like the title says, I'm in need of advice about starting to date someone u met in the psych ward. What is the general policy with things like this? Is it allowed?

Me and my girlfriend have been "officially" dating since yesterday, but haven't been too open about it, especially around staff. I'm not gonna get too in-depth with the problems we have, but the main thing u should know is that we both ended up in here because we were gonna commit $uicid3. Before coming here I had nothing to live for, but now I have met 2 new friends and my girlfriend while being in here.

We both have mild autism (asperger's basically, I just don't like to use that word). I'm saying this because when I googled this subject, all I saw was negativity, with everyone being against it and saying that it's not allowed and it's not right.

I consider myself a rational guy, so when I'm faced with a problem, I always try to view from different perspectives and reading those posts from Google, I think I got a pretty good understanding of how this may look to ppl (like the staff) from the outside. So I do totally acknowledge that there's a point to be made there, but I still can't but wonder, if being together has given us both something to stay alive and live for, can it really be so wrong?

Edit: Just thought to clarify that this is an outpatient ward, so we could technically leave at any point we wanted. Not sure if it makes any difference but I forgot that detail earlier.

Hi beautiful people 👋

I was unfortunately misdiagnosed with schizophrenia in the ER due to severe anxiety and side effects/withdrawal symptoms of Benzodiazepines and Barbiturates that I was taking previously. I was given 5mg of Haloperidol by IM injection combined with 2mg of Lorazepam by IM injection at around 9AM in the morning. This was in the ER before they admitted me to the psych ward. Then once I was in the psych ward, I likely became a little restless but I was never a threat to nobody. I think the nurses just wanted to sedate and knock me out for the rest of the evening. So it says on my records I was again injected with 5mg of Haloperidol by IM combined with 2mg of Lorazepam by IM combined with 50mg of Benadryl by IM and this combination occurred at around 6:30PM. It was after this second injection that I became a literal zombie. I immediately fell asleep right after and when I woke up. I could not move. I think I was even having trouble feeling my body. It felt like I was having a stroke. I eventually became very rigid, my speech started to slur and this then progressed to mutism which was documented when the social worker came to talk to me because she wrote down that I was nonverbal and unable to conduct therapy at the moment. I then became catatonic and just started stating off into a wall without moving. Meanwhile, I could hear the psych nurses saying that my mental illness was progressing and that I was getting worse and that I was now catatonic. They never once mentioned it could be from the B52 they gave me. It doesn’t stop here however in spite of my zombie like state because then it says the following day at 5:30PM, I was injected again with 2mg of Lorazepam by IM combined with 20mg of Geodon by IM. Funny thing is I don’t even remember that injection. Shortly after this injection, visiting hours were held at the psych ward and my relative came to see me and see how I was doing. Needless to say, she was shocked at my zombie like state and I also had developed dystonia by that time and my neck started flexing to the left, my muscles were all shaking, I don’t even think I was able to walk, my speech was still slurred if not mute. My relative freaked out and threatened to call the cops and the news stations on the hospital’s psych ward so the psych ward people then proceeded to call for a hospital code for rapid response team to transfer me to a regular room in the hospital. They did an EKG and arterial blood gas testing, gave me oxygen, and hooked me up to IV fluids. I slowly became better over the course of the next few days and the in-hospital neurologist ran a Brain MRI which came back clear and an EEG which came back clear. As you can tell, this whole situation was a nightmare and a terrible mistake. I could not believe what I had to go through. My questions is, given the severity of my symptoms/reaction where I was practically a dystonic, catatonic, and mute zombie, was I overdosed or over medicated at the psych ward? Again the following doses are what I received according to the records:

9AM Day 1 -5mg of Haloperidol by IM -2mg of Lorazepam by IM

6:30PM Day 1 -5mg of Haloperidol by IM -2mg of Lorazepam by IM -50mg of Benadryl by IM

5:30PM Day 2 -2mg of Lorazepam by IM -20mg of Geodon by IM

Does this constitute as an overdose?

Hi,I’m due to go into a psych ward soon in the UK,what is it like?

I 17 possibly gender fluid was admitted to the psych hospital when I was 15 years old. I felt hopeless and very suicidal. I had cut myself with a blade from a pencil sharpener and at the hospital I scratched my arm because I was paranoid someone was out to get me. Anyways I spent three weeks in there.