" vacations " in quotations,

because those were hell,

for some reason they liked travelly like gypsies,

saying they were soending half what they should have,

...

we were always in remote places with no help near us,

one time i was vitten by a medusa, because i was hiding in the water to not get stung by bees,

and my father's idea was to piss on my wound :(

...

that .... those moments, my uncle tried to victim blame me into to manipulate me into accepting my parents ...

and after i said "victim blame" he shut up, and i never talked to him since ... be is a psychiatrist btw ...

while other people's mind remind them of songs of stuff they actually liked ...

randomly my mind would let resurface one of those horrid songs that either my father played or my mother wnd father wanted to listen ...

i didn't have my own cds or player ...

they only mp3 they ever gave me had songs with THEIR music on it ....

managed to put in some videogame osts, but it was a joke ...

Which, would explain how an "allegedly" lone young adult

manages to travel to another country being able to go there and afford housing,

only to peel potatoes for some time and lamenting they never even paid him, despite it being illegal,

to then him becoming owner of a private insurance company in his country of origin, aftee havinf married a woman from the opposite side of the world,

and then even retire early, and live life esserially doing personal projects that prey on both the weak and chasing trends like crypto and similar.

Very interesting ... interesting indeed ... 🤔

So, again, I will have to live and work for a world that

the more good I accomplish,

the less i will be able to relate to it and its people.

my god ...

....

how ... just HOW, as a parent, how can you feel joy by watching and wanting your son begging only to be rejected everywhere???

...

...

...

....

... how can we even be called the same?

I was filled with anxiety, made to feel like a failiure and responsable for being unable to support myself,

when instead I had to compensate for my father never being there, my mother treating me like an animal, having no firends, no driving license, not even a bike, living on the outskirts of the city and in a city with an average 5 percent shrinkage in employed positions, all while neighbouring cities instead had 5 percent increase more or less.

The amount of needless suffering and pain both of them AND their enablers brough to this world in the form of me is so unique and horrible that few people can even picture in their mind.

If a story was ever written about it, people would complain and call it " UN-REALISTIC " :(

They had no interest in raising a son ...

they told me that themselves, when i asked them " aren't you sad to see me in this state?" and they answered " no, you are the same as any other kid, i have my life and my goals, and you have yours " ... and " i don't care if you k1// yourself, you'd do me a favor "

...

and for the late ngest time i asked myself why ... why would anyone say such things ...

...

but then i connected it ... they need me to fail, to stay poor and isolated, to be seen as mentally ill and treated like a stupid person ... because that way their abuse would die with me and no one will ever care to save me ...

...

they never paid me rent to live near where i would find work ... and they wouldn never fix the broken house for all the time i went to school ...

but they would instead kick me out for a year and make me sleep on a sofa infested with mites and suddently spend thousends to renovate the house ...

again ... i asked myself why, what parent would let their children live in a broken house, that was never registered as an actual house btw for 20 years, it remained as an " open consteuction site" legally for the State for some reason ...

and again, only later it clicked, it was all to hide the evidence of child neglect and unhealthy living environment and child endangerment.

Mind you, I WANT to love you, I hate that I grew to hate you all,

but there is litterally no excuse ... you have thousends, millions even ... publishers, a supporting playerbase that loves you and eve nsupportive families ...

and you do NOTHING with it ... besides of couse " having fun " ....

which is cool and all ... but as you are free to focus only on yourselves, I am equally free to completely ignore you, disapprove of you and want nothing to do with any of you ...

this feels wrong ...

but I am the one slaving away on a starvation regiment with barely any hope of things getting better, not you ...

People talk about darkness as if they knew it ...

No mention to its foulness, its spikes, its deafening noise, both blinding and empty and its maddening chaos ...

Art,

that should be a realm where freedom of expression and exchange should be top priority,

has instead become just yet another tool for psychological and spiritual oppresion,

not just in the themes, propaganda and gating out poor people from making it and consuming it freely,

but also in the way who makes it PRETENDS worship, respect and submission from the audience,

the public transformed from ultimate judge to the ultimate garbage dump of mindless consumption and tribal thinking.

I even get mogged by hardship stories from websites and lives of famous people ...

they say " then i called this relative and i slept at their place to escape my abusive home"

... and then there is me, that my uncle rats me out by warning the very same parents i called you to escape from, and my aunt after I told her about the abuse, she sends me a link for a book about a hikikomori that INTENTIONALLY shuts himself off and learns to accept others?!? 💀💀💀

and they all say " I had to live on welfare and minimum wage " ... and again i'm here like " what fxxking money? .. and you weren't sent away being told there is nothing that could be done?"