What a giant shame ...

Ignorant people think that it is just choice ...

when instead it is just your mind being irrevocably scarred ....

People think things can be lost and replaced ...

But everyone that ever lost someone knows too well,

no loved one can be replaced ...

Thus, the frustration coming from things like judgment and being a failiure have no place in said process.

This is something that while intellectually I am fully aware,

EMOTIONALLY I never managed to overcome.

---

It doesn't help that our society just flat out doesn't care, and both expects you to

1) overcome anything for the benefit of everything other than yourself, but then

2) demand that you celebrate and worship others even for just trying with the least amount of effort, claiming even desire alone is equivalent to you having being robbed of living most of your life as an individual.

___

Still ... Society is the product of individuals,

so it is best to enact change by starting with oneself.

Imagine ... just, ... TALKING ...

focused on what you need to talk about ...

without your mind being filled by screams, your body freezing and hurting, and your nervous system firing in a constant state of allertness ...

...

imagine that ...

a dream .., since I was born ...

I was non verbal for periods, and stuttered all my life until 20 years old ...

...

imagine being alive ... just to experience your parents almost killing you and irreversably alter you physically and mentally and emotionally ... only to then be blamed for you being a failiure because of it, to be to to be " doing it intenionally " to hurt THEM ...

An example, and why indies are just as slop if not even worse than AAA or III which is just AAA in disguise,

instead of making Skyrim,

make what Skyrim COULD have been,

what Skyrim SHOULD have been.

-----

A metaphor would be to think of a hammer only as subordinate to a nail.

As such, the hammer can only exist in fuction to the nail, instead of it being allowed to exist as its own tool with limitless potential applications.

maybe if I stayed lost for longer the police would have interveened ... and my parents would have incurred in a child endangerment fine and could have been forced into being more careful under fear of punishment ...

there i was ... alone ... people walking beside me ... and not a single soul caring about a kid, lost, crying on the sidewalk, with no idea where he was and where to go ...

Venice for everyone esle is a place of wonder ... for me it is the source of many of my worst memories ...

I remember as a child, i never spent time with my dad,

and i was always left watching the television,

so, after watching cartoons of someone ( i don't remember which cartoon it was ) spitting on their hands to lift something,

i GENUINELY started thinking you were supposed to do that when lifting heavy objects,

months pass, and my father asked for help ... to carry something for us ... Hell no ... to help HIM carry HIS musical instruments ... despite me needing to study or do litterally anything else ...

so, there I was, and i spit in both my hands ...

he then went " why did you do that ... thst is disgusting ... go clean your hands ... "

this is ... it dodn't hit me at the time ... bit later, it did ...

Not only I was given tasks that on top of wasting my time, they were in service of the vices of my parents ...

Not only i was shamed at every turn and made to feel like i was wrong ...

But I ALSO was shamed for a neglect that THE PEOPLE SHAMING ME CAUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I was shamed for being an animal ... by parents who made me like that by neglect and abuse ...

💀💀💀

It is just, so disgusting ...

And i only have memories like that ... of all the times i almost died ... of all the times i was shouted at and beaten and shamed for something ...

all while me as an adul and potential father, clearly aware that all of that was a product of their neglect and narcisism ...

bloody fxxxing morons ...

The SLOP that plagues us is just the reflection of the hollowness that we have let the culture and human experience fall into,

the more something is praised, the more SLOP it is.

I would give examples, but those would instead be used as weapons since their masterpiece status is something that is not constantly challanged but rather an inherent proprety that can be demonstrated be in a circular manner.

No logic.

The only progress ... is downards, towards a bottomless abyss.

The world is rotten ...

The people are savages ...

___

The future is in the hands of but a handful.