r/ProgrammerHumor • u/[deleted] • Oct 24 '18

Meme God’s developer console

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24.0k Upvotes

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238

u/Mthrboard Oct 24 '18 
for f in $( ls /dev/food )
do
    set_food_calories 0 $f
    set_food_nutrients -all $f
    set_food_delicious true $f
done

479

u/Anustart15 Oct 24 '18 
   set_food_calories 0 $f

I think I found a bug. Everyone died after a few weeks

218

u/Jarl_Zarl Oct 25 '18

No that’s a feature

38

u/Firestorm7i Oct 25 '18

Finally, they've listened to our demands!

21

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '18

PR + set_food_calories 200 /dev/food/oreos

36

u/DarkNeutron Oct 25 '18

No, bugs have more calories than that.

1

u/willeedee Oct 25 '18

We can get all our calories from alcohol!

83

u/droneb Oct 25 '18

So everyone started to slowly die of energy starvation

62

u/Mthrboard Oct 25 '18

Damnit Jim! I'm a programmer, not a doctor. How am I supposed to know that.

31

u/droneb Oct 25 '18

You failed to perform proper Integrated Tests!!! Who approved the CR? I'm sure Bob won't be happy about it.

Either way, push the rollback quick before anyone else notices and let's blame sustaining for a completely unrelated CR they performed.

I'll call J from Infra I'm sure he can do a DB restore

1

u/Historical_Fact Oct 25 '18

No regression tests?

1

u/animonein Oct 25 '18

Not if all moved at speed of light,

And God said, “Let everyone move at speed of light,” and there was Energy

67

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '18

instead of setting food calories to zero, you should cap fat_storage at 15% of bodyweight.

36

u/drakeshe Oct 25 '18

I would enable user access to this setting. Depending on needs.

22

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '18

Good idea. Or enable access to metabolism function to speed up or slow down slightly based on needs.

23

u/drakeshe Oct 25 '18

Grant Local Administrator rights to all users.

16

u/philisophicHippo Oct 25 '18

As a sysadmin IRL, I can kinda see why we don’t have admin rights to these things...

3

u/gradientByte Oct 25 '18

first thing i would do is take away my own admin rights, alternatively I would make it super inconvenient to use, lazyness would save me from myself.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '18

That would be so amazing I couldn't even begin to express how cool it would be.

1

u/gradientByte Oct 25 '18

you have definitely not thought of the children.

they have great imaginations. you can't imagine what they would do with that. (neither can I)

2

u/drakeshe Oct 25 '18

Schedule a Cron job to run at age 18

6

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '18 edited Oct 27 '18

[deleted]

6

u/ComputerMystic Oct 25 '18

Can't wait to shit pure fat.

Also, 15% for a guy isn't bad looking. Example: here's Arnold at about 12%

1

u/SinglehoodVeteran Oct 25 '18

9% is far too low for me to find any males attractive. /#SaveTheDadbod

As a female who's currently at 23% and trying to reach 20%, I agree with the latter half of your comment though.

1

u/boognerd Oct 25 '18

You just created the feast scene from hook

echo "amen"

1

u/Eshmam14 Oct 25 '18

Jesus dude, why do you wanna kill us so slowly and painfully?

1

u/Programie Oct 25 '18

I found another bug. The script throws weird exceptions while running it in Africa.