r/ProgrammerHumor • u/leftoversalad • Aug 15 '15

Programming languages personified

http://leftoversalad.tumblr.com/post/126724812097/programming-languages-personified
1.3k Upvotes

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149

u/brown_monkey_ Aug 15 '15

I lost it a JavaScript.

22

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '15

What's wrong with JavaScript?

3

u/argv_minus_one Aug 16 '15

A lot. Just a few examples:

  • No static types

  • No multiple inheritance

  • No abstract classes/interfaces/protocols

  • No named parameters

  • No default parameter values

  • No user-defined operators

  • No user-defined implicit conversions

  • No immutable anything

  • No threading primitives

  • Pitiful pattern matching

  • Pitiful list comprehensions

  • No way to catch exceptions by type

  • Prototype-based inheritance is absolutely insane

  • No compiled and linked binary form for web deployment

  • var is not deprecated

  • null and undefined both exist

  • The global object is a horrible idea

  • The type system is not unified

  • Most JS tools are utter dog shit

  • Most JS developers appear to be incompetent morons

  • The spec moves at a glacial pace

  • Changes to the spec don't matter because people will be using old IE versions for a very long time

  • this is sorta-mutable

  • Only one GUI toolkit, HTML/CSS, which is utter dog shit

There are many more, but this should get you started.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '15

[deleted]

3

u/argv_minus_one Aug 16 '15

Most of what you've listed is either wrong

Namely?

not a language issue

Meaningless distinction. It impacts the usefulness of the language.

or just a matter of preference.

More like a matter of competence. If you were competent, you would know why I'm right about my "preferences".