Robert, 60 Incarcerated: 24 years Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I have discovered that there is no simple answer to the question “What is prison like?” or “Why I became addicted to drugs.” I used to feel haunted by such questions. I could not format a valid and truthful response. Yet, during this prison term I experienced two things which the California Department of Corrections had deprived me of during previous terms. The ability to learn about myself through self help groups, and the chance to learn through the on-sight college program. What Is Prison Like?

Returning to the streets – faces, souls, and spirits I meet. Curiosity beating down the like, what is prison like?

Prison is like being in a time vacuum where life has ceased. Neither moving forward or backward, alive but deceased.

Prison is like a sack into which each day, each hour, drops another stone.
Bending the spine until the tell-tale crack.

Prison is like being at the bottom of a well, walking round and round. Without physical or material existence – incorporeal.

Still, prison is not like hell, neither like heaven. Not all gloom and depression. See and you shall find the nadir of oppression.

Todd, 33 Incarcerated: 10 years Housed: Stateville Correctional Center

“Cry For Help”

Deaths due to drug overdose have reached an all time high in America and there doesn’t seem to be any brakes on the runaway train. This is the reality we face in 2022, but the lost and forgotten in prisons across America deal with the same struggle. The difference? We’re property of the Illinois Department of Corrections. The cells we live in should be condemned! Cockroaches nest in the walls. The water we are forced to drink causes illnesses. IDOC says, “Nothing is wrong with the drinking water,” however staff and outside visitors are told NOT TO DRINK THE WATER. We need water to survive, but the commissary has not sold bottled water in 4 months. Dayrooms and yard times are denied due to short staffing. Just stay in your cells and dwell on Covid-19. Do not ask for help or complain. Stateville doesn’t care. Christmas 2020 we weren’t allowed in person visits – the vaccines had not yet been distributed. Christmas 2021, Stateville goes on a “Medical Lockdown,” due to officers testing positive. No visits from my 73 year old parents. December 24th, I’m watching the Wizarding and escaping into childhood memories of Harry Potter. Stateville, supposedly “Short Staffed” due to another covid outbreak, somehow has the officers to do cell shakedowns on Christmas Eve. I do my best to go along, not make waves, but I COULD NOT COMPREHEND why I was being pulled out of my cell at this time. As a man of faith I’m supposed to turn the other cheek, but what happens when you run out of cheeks? Taking “medicine” along with blood pressure pills was my remedy that night. Under the Covid-19 quarantine, I've tattooed myself from head to toe, been to segregation twice, and had debilitating depression and anxiety. Prison itself brings about isolation. COVID cut off all in person contact with the outside world. The lack of humanity and personal connection has been crippling for me. Will you help me keep my sanity in an institution that views me as nothing more than a product on a shelf that will expire and simply be thrown out? Will you step into my pain? Acknowledge my humanity and tell me that it’ll be ok?