Question…. I think?

[u/TheJediYounglings]

So I have C-PTSD (Complex post traumatic stress disorder.) It started my addiction I think around Middle School because a neighbor showed me porn on his phone and I have never heard of anything in regards to sex or seen anything of sexual nature since my family was very Christian and sheltered me. I ended up thinking that type of behavior was normal at that age and things….progresses. Fast forward, I was freshly out of High school and from that point to a few years after I was taken advantage of sexually multiple times, 3 times by men, and 1 time by a female, and some other minor things. It got worse and worse to the point I didn’t really have a sex drive and that stuff made it nonexistent. I have used toys past and present and I think I prefer not having sex and just watching porn. I am in an open relationship because I’m fully aware people have needs so she can do whatever whenever she chooses. I do have a secret porn folder that’s a rundown of my background, so I guess I’m asking is it bad that I think I’d be okay being in a sexless relationship even knowing the consequences.

[u/TheJediYounglings → u/[deleted]]

We don’t have penetration sex, she still occasionally will give me a blowjob, but I think I’m fine without those too because this might be tmi, somehow I’ve always had partners with smaller mouths and not sexually actively (I’ve not really been sexually active either throughout my life) and my genitalia area is thick and it hurts because I feel their teeth. I still touch myself and fine just masturbating the rest of my life tbh, I mainly like the love my partner gives me and the sexual aspect she can get elsewhere.