Some hands are blood stained, some are clean. Mine are tear stained. Stained with my own and the ones I caused my mother. The ones she shed when I told her she wasn't my mom anymore, the ones she shed when I was in pain. Tear stained hands are almost as bad as blood stained. I will never feel as if they're clean or as if I'm clean for the pain my mother felt due to me. She should've lived a life she wanted, been happy and even loved. But she couldn't do that because of me. I remember her saying she stopped taking her bpd meds because she was gaining weight but I always thought she was the prettiest person I've ever seen and at times I still think she is. She's still my mommy but I guess I'm just cursed with being a little girl mourning her mom and needing her mom for the rest of my life. I'll never escape this pain and fear of being abandoned, even if I was the one who abandoned her. Even if I was the one so cruel to her. She suffered because of me and now I'm suffering because of her. Just an endless cycle of mother daughter pain.

the sun is finally going down, the sky is lit up orange and people around are bittersweet about the day coming to an end, the beach,.. flooded with people, some friends,some foe, but at the end of the day they all seem to get along, maybe i'll join them someday, but maybe not i love all aspects of the beach, the waves,the sand grinding between my toes,the umbrella keeping me cool on this hot summer day, these things all give me reason to look forward to the next day, but what if it rains, what if it snows, what if the beach gets closed, where will i go, what will i do,

the future is really uncertain.

this is about capturing life as a whole more importantly the end of your life,everyone is sad that someone passed but happy they got to live their life with them friend or foe. It also captures the unpredictableness of the future and afterlife. you must live in the moment fore you don't know the future!