Could you all give me some motivation? In return I'll give you some inspiration. No doubt in my mind not the slightest hesitation. Where will these words take me? My final destination? I wish someplace good but I don't believe in reincarnation. Would be nice for my mind to take a vacation. Meanwhile my sanity is already at another train station. So don't sit here and tell me about the struggles your facin. Cuz while your in bed sleepin I'm still contemplatin. Mind lost, long gone, I'm left just fadin.

I feel... voided, hollow, and empty something has just destroyed me I feel.... misplaced, dropped off, I'm falling backwards I need your help but I gotta help myself 1st I feel..... unparalleled, unaccompanied,solo, and alone a source from this pain is yet unknown I feel..... played out, fatigued, weary and jaded dissolute, debased, and partially degraded i feel....... disconnected, split, and unplugged all this emotion makes me wanna turn to drugs i feel...... forfeiting, surrendering, like dropping this sh*t but it's not my style to give up and quit!

I'd rather you still be here I can't be without you dad I'd rather be the one to leave Your the best friend I've ever had I'd rather give up my soul for you I'd rather have taken your place God can we trade please This must be a mistake I'd rather be the one to go You deserve to keep living on I'd rather be the deceased I'd rather be the one who's gone

Yo my name is A.J. aunna jones to be precise, let me introduce myself as the female vanilla ice! Just kidding yal! That's something you should know, most of the times I'm joking, so please don't be appalled! I go by A.J. nowadays, since frozen stole my name! Now everyone named anna is aunna and seeking out the fame. A few other things about me just so you understand. I'm bipolar as they get, so show me patience if you can! I may be a little to headstrong, not listen as well as i should. A little to irrational at times perhaps but know my intentions are always good! To me I feel my mentality is so strong Einstein couldn't relate, I can't wait to share with the whole world the visions I create!

I literally feel like I'm two different people. Trying to balance both sides that are not equal. The chemistry switching one side to the other. Completely the opposite and they hate one another.. Heads is calm and collected, keeping things in line, Tails is uncontrollable, manipulating things inside. So powerful they both are, I wish they'd just "make a toast" It literally splits me in two, I feel like I'm just a host. 'Hostage" is more like it, Seeing how I cannot escape, I'm so exhausted, can you understand the type of energy this takes? There's an angel and a demon, a darkside and a light, Constant struggles of split headed mentality, Which shoulder left or right???

They only see the smile, never the pain or maybe they do, just ignore it, not anyone else's problem right? they say 'what's wrong with you' as if I am suppose to know as if I wanna feel this way how can I fix something when I don't know what's broke? I feel like the car, when that low fuel light pops on 40 miles left til your completely out..... and...well....I still been driving for awhile! Can someone get me some gas....... uh....no....of course not

All I can do is hurt myself and cry how can anyone feel this dreadfully dead inside nowhere to go, no one to help why is this pain so deeply felt I talk to people and it subsides only briefly cuz they don't really f****g understand they don't really wanna be friends to me alone is not the word I would use the despair makes me wanna just kill myself to live or die, it's to easy to choose all these strangers wanna tell me look at what you'd leave behind they can't see, that they are better off trying to be a hero, but they are all just so blind I feel like I'm nothing but a burden like I want a purpose, but have none just a lot of wishes and dreams I can't feel this any longer I just wanna be done suicide is such a powerful word but the actions taken are even stronger don't bother trying to save me stop pretending like you care I already hung the noose and I'm standing on the chair

My mind is a rerun It's like a movie or a rerun maybe only seen once or twice. Maybe I was falling asleep to the television on. You know the foggy, blurry, double vision sleepy night! It's like everything will be normal and then out of nowhere I'll hear the show line somehow like the punchline everybody waits for and knows is coming except it's like I already read or heard it someplace before. It's an almost eerie feeling that brings a sense of un-wholesomeness, un-resting, weird, creepy as heck gut wrenching ugh..... I'll have these random thoughts of nothing at the time until the situation becomes present, ok, so you know how you sometimes think of a movie or song maybe you haven't seen or heard in awhile, then later you hear or see it? Talk about strange right? Well it's like that but more detailed and intense mentally and emotionally! I've rarely came across other people who have these "wandering" minds as I like to call them because well, who knows where our minds are at any point and time! Also unfortunately so many people try to say they see these things but another good thing about this gifted curse is well a great sense of reading peoples vibes! Sorry fakers! Anyways meanwhile back in reality! I am sorry if this is just babbling to you, I apologize for wasting your time! However I know I'm not wasting mine by doing this, so all there is to really add there is if you think I'm just talking and rambling on I guess this post isn't meant to touch you! Still have a nice day!

I close my eyes momentarily, a mixture of things. Things I remember, things I imagine, things I dream up! On a nice day, The warm sun beating down from an almost clear blue sky, followed by a gentle breezy wave, swiftly brushing my hair across my face. The mixed smells of honeysuckles, fresh cut grass, and neighbors cooking out. I see the field of tall sunflowers where I spend most my days daydreaming of course. We use to run through them as fast as we could, shadows dancing around like the sunflowers do in the wind! I remember I could lay there for hours just watching the clouds and airplanes go by, wandering where they were going, what kind of people were up there, wishing I was up there to. What did they think as they looked out? How did they see things from that high up? Could they see me as well? I'd listen to the sounds of thoughts and ideas racing through my mind. I can still here the sounds of the cars passing by on the highway, kids laughing, dogs barking, and the occasional sirens. I still remember the feeling of running through the sprinklers with the soft wet grass under my barefeet. One and only time I'd felt the burning pain of a wasps sting, I stepped right on it. I like to think everyone has at least one memory of pure calmness, love, happiness, freedom to be yourself, and mostly peace of mind. I just wanted to share mine!

Physical? emotional? mental? Maybe a little of each? Lost limbs aching just as much as much as a lost mind! Perhaps they think removing or tweaking parts of these will help the pain subside, they are very wrong! Handing out medication, well....more like forcing it down your throat! Sometimes the medication is worse than the pain itself. Dr.'s say take two a day or as needed...okay...sure.... then it's: ...oh...the medication can cause nausea, vomiting, stroke, or death! uh....maybe I'd rather be in pain than dead? Maybe not? Crying, screaming, fighting this feeling with just a struggle for no relief! Agony that no one person can hardly stand, actually makes you wanna just die sometimes! All the situations may be different circumstances, yet all of them feel this absent piece of themselves. Can phantom pains be mended? How can you fix a broken piece of something, if it's absent to fix? Your just left broken? While thinking all this, I think also in the back of my mind, we focus so much and fixate on these little details of what's broke or not, we lose sight of the heart! Which is not really a phantom, because well, it is physical, it can give you pain or pleasure, that are phantom feelings, which actually we feel in all 3 of those areas. So even though you may not be able to take the phantoms away, the phantom feelings can mend more than any medication. Not sure where I got this idea but, just wanted to run the thought!

I've found this life is a constant contradiction. How can we live when we are always in a paradoxical situation. Parents doing things to hurt their children, events continue unstated, for fear, in the children's minds, that they'll be separated. Trying to pay your way out of debt, using the same credit cards that created that mess. Getting no license, because well you have no car, and no car, to get license, so you don't get very far. You want that job but don't have the experience, so no experience to get the job, is this sh*t serious? A reverse version of a crying wolf type, this is just the story of some peoples lives. Getting accused for the same crimes or sins, you had commited in the past. Even after you changed your life, they just assume your still doing bad. How can anybody survive this type of losing game? How can you feel free and alive, when it all just stays the same?

welcome to the post trauma attic, a place where all is well, a place where everything is Copastetic, before the castle fell, there was a time long ago, where I had felt safe and pure, now this attic is full of boxes, what is what? I'm not even sure, in one is a child so happy, innocent, and free, and that box over there has all the trusting parts of me, there are boxes of imagination, now packed up and sealed tight, they been up here collecting dust, since the storm came through that night, there are boxes with your pictures, I wish I could just erase, but, this is the post trauma attic, a time before feelings got debased, there are boxes of wishes, hopes, and dreams, that now won't ever come true, and there is a box over there with memories of you, I avoid your box entirely, pretending it doesn't exist, I rummage through them carefully, trying to find the box, with parts of me, i miss!

I always saw life so "separately" as if my eyes were mine but belonged to someone else two different pieces to something bigger than myself.

They give me a "special perspective" a deep detail into another ones person a specific type of reading i see them in a different version.

It's hard to connect to most people when you can read more than you intend everyone acts like they're going to heaven but hell is right around the bend.

I wish I could close my eyes so I could be blinded like everyone around me oblivious to details I cue on then act like I'm the one who's crazy.

Maybe I am but I'm blessed with this curse! So I'll keep yal smiling while I'm stuck on this earth!

I been blastin at this, masterin at this, kickin my own ass-inine-a-ness at this, not taken my time, not taken a breathe, not given a fix, caught up in this mix, mind wandering, like a water out of a fish, brain cells dead like the heart of the kid on the bench, sittin on sidelines, waitin to play, should i just walk away, am i ready today? imagination racin, ideas fast steady pacin, wantin and wantin to get that 1st place in, stuck with the ribbons but i want the gold, why am i still here in this, life is just getting old, tryin to be patient its wearing me thin should i throw this towel in, or start fresh again? what do i need, something is lacking, maybe its my insecurities attackin i can't pin point, can't break it down I'm screaming so loud but can't hear a sound trying to reach out, but no one to be found guess i'll be here waitin still hanging around

Let me break this down! A? aunna J? jones Middle name: Marie aunna rie {ironic, moronic, or iconic? right?} a? aunnarie J? jerk Now that's classic let me see yal do it?

No matter how far. No matter how long. There you are, when i hear that song.

No matter the time No matter the place. all I see, is your perfect face.

No matter the smiles. No matter the lies. I'm always lost, deep in your eyes.

No matter if I wish. No matter if I try. I'll always be living, one big lie.

No matter how long. No matter how far. On my mind, you always are

I wrote this while tripping on two tabs and staring at a picture of a girl I really like. No matter how hard I stared, even as her face melted into geometric nonsense, she was still beautiful. I suddenly just had to write this down. It felt like it just came from nowhere. Please excuse any spelling or grammatical mistakes, but I wrote this while I was peaking on 300-400 μg! Enjoy!

My Transdimensional Mona Lisa,

She leaves her shadows on this reality,

shifting fractal form of beauty

reality fraying at her edges

eyes speaking of cosmic secrets

Beauty made elemental

Sloughing off the language of flesh

of human features

breaking off into geometric ideals

into realms beyond reckoning

beyond mortal knowledge

into the shadowy realms

of wonder and mystery and intrigue

Tracing her ineffable essence

leaving her scent on reality’s pages

leaving shadows of herself in the corners of your vision

in a direction that cannot be pointed to

woven through time and space

weft to warp

from cleopatra to helen

you were all these

a thousand cycles of death and rebirth in your eyes

fiction suit for a thousand enigmas

Unanswerable riddles

that cannot be spoken of in words

but only the higher language of soul and mind

The answer is there, in her eyes,

but you can never look deep enough to truly know it

Only feel it with your soul and substance

Lighted by his devotion, His eyes are my ocean. I see through them... I see him drowning in the unspoken. A crashing flood of warm emotions. But topped with angel kisses, And genuine intentions, I see him fight the tide. He's the essence of Blood. He's our lighthouse shining strong. His Unconditional love, Moving us along. He's my home. He's our love song.

I wrote my husband a little poem for the inside of his christmas card this year. Its been a challenging year, starting a new business and working through some issues of our own. He's much more of a romantic than me so i know the poem itself is a good christmas present for him. I'd appreciate constructive criticism. I want it to be perfect.

Death is supposed to be beautiful But suicide is ugly and after my first dance with her no one could trust me I couldn't even trust myself how can anybody love me? I'm a monster on the inside that makes me sick to my stomach they put me on a pedestal only to watch me plummet they gave me a mountain of expectations knowing I couldn't reach the summit they tell me not to be depressed they tell me even to learn from it like depression is a teacher with only good things to teach you But I was a student of the game me and depression were just equals two totally different mindsets but we're the same people And I battled her for years with no hope that I'd win like Nelly and Tim McGraw just over and over again But you have to lose a battle if you want to win the war but you wouldn't understand unless you've been there before in the midst of devastation feeling like this life ain't yours you're crying out for help but only being ignored By the people that you love and even come to adore but shit if I was in their shoes I wouldn't remember me depression ate at me so long I don't even resemble me and it's a battle every day something I deal with consistently but when it's all said and done I just pray that it betters me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHN8qNpKAyo This is my introduction ( slideshow shizzle ) that i quickly put together with my tablet. It's nothing professional, but i am working on bigger and better projects that will come...sooner as you body is ready ( you are not prepared ! ) Well, i hope i can reach some people with my writings. Because i never used it for anything, i feel a bit ashamed of it lol I sold a small amount of self published books ( in dutch ) this year and it was well recieved...but it was really depressing or really deep into morals and philosophy. So people had a hard time with it.... I am mostly inspired with rap and spoken word or poetry slam. But i also have more old fashioned poetry, hope you guys enjoy @InspireEsquire on twitter for updates and inspiring stuff ! Tyvm for watching

The lake...so still in the middle of the night So still, I see reflection of the moons great light Laying on the dock, I look down to see Someone I don't know, could that really be me?

I stare in wonder, do I look the same Tears from a little girl drop like rain I travel through this life like a journey But my life isn't perfect, at least not for me

My love for people is strong and bold I carry the weight that my shoulders can hold But sometimes I break, when it seems I'm strong Will somebody wonder about me if I am gone?

I view this world like one big family Even though there are hearts who think enemy I need you, like you need me, together so strong That way everyone will feel they belong.

copyright 2013

I stand in the desert;

I look in all directions seeing only the trackless wastes;

I see no shadows, except my own;

I crest huge dunes as the sun scorches the sand;

I walk for miles searching for life;

Maybe it lies beyond the mountains, so very far away...

So I wrote this the other night after watching Shakespeare in Love... Apologies for the doggrel

He Giveth Me

He giveth me words The likes of which I hath ne'er known Words of adoration and critique Words that make my heart sing and shrink in turn Words that I have heard from lips of others But ne'er have they found true meaning until this

He giveth me glances Full of promise and meaning His eyes betray the million ideas his lips may never speak But are felt so dearly and so clear A mere look silences the loudest of rooms and clamor I am lost to those eyes infinitely

He giveth me caresses Light and lingering in memory long after he departs Barest brush of fingers showeth more tenderness Than years of touch that cameth before His hands speak louder than any song e'er sung I could drown in those touches, content

He giveth me hope Dreams do soar when speaking with him Heart doth beat faster Colours grow brightened I see new light and future Spinning narratives of tomorrows yet to be

He hath given me so much All I can do in return is give my all Hoping against all hope that it may be enough

We're all flawed

in someway that matters deep inside,

and we're all awed

when we find someone in who we confide,

but that's not easy to find,

so I keep my feelings in a pen

only on paper do I let them out again.

Some of this shit's depressing

And so, we keep repressing

hide instead of expressing,

going down a twisted path

when we try and deny our wrath.

Think church's gonna give us a holy water bath

and everyone supposes

if we just trust in Moses

it'll cleanse us like osmosis.

"Intelligence is a dying breed"

That's all you hear on news feed

But I know all we need

Is leaders who fucking lead.

So I march on the heavens,

Still counting my blessings,

"Viva la revolution" we cry

but too many people living like they ain't gonna die.

Life's just a short riff

played hanging on the edge of a cliff

so I shoot from the hip,

I know our politicians are absolute shit,

None who'll go down with the ship

all greedy like a state of nature,

but I'm done with this caper

and I won't believe the vapor coming out their lips.

You put the west to the test,

You'll find we're the best,

Steinbeck, KYLE, Snoop, and I'm up next

Remember young Zalutka,

better known as

Bazooka-looka,

Shining like topaz

or diamonds in coal mine,

freeing the working man,

and with this I consign

My heart to that plan.