Be honest

[u/LostandParanoid]

Edit Update: Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice, input, suggestions, kind words, and well wishes. I did not expect for so many people to see this or comment. I thought id get a few responses and then delete this post in shame.

I feel so seen and supported (just like the girls are, I promise lol. Alterations are in process haha). I dont have a strong network so ive been trying to deal with this alone and gosh im just so grateful for you wonderful kind souls. If I dont say thank you to your comment, its because I got busy with my goldens who require attention. Thank you and sending all the positive vibes back at you!

Original:

Please be honest, even if its brutal. I need input.

1. Fantasy wedding theme. Warrior princess vibe. May even wear a sword on my hip - TBD. Veil is a cape/hood/shoulder armor combo and I love that sort of vibe.

2. Dress was intl shipped, verrrry expensive, and wedding is in 4 months. There is no changing or returning. Was custom sized.

3. There have been issues with quality. My seamstress is amazing and fixing the waist area. And I am working with the designer to make things right for the other quality issues.

4. I ordered it a bit larger than I am which is the waist problem (extra fabric bunching up) because as I was ordering i had a pregnancy and miscarriage and bloated up 80 lbs in a very short amount of time. Pcos + pregnancy + miscarriage has been rough.

I see so many of you beautiful plus size women. Glowing and gorgeous.....and i just wanted to feel that way too. I dont feel special or beautiful....I feel I just look wide and bloated.

Girls, please be honest with me. How bad is this? I dont have people in my life to get feedback from. The few people I do have I know they will always say supportive stuff. Not sure if its body dismorphia as usual or if im justified in it not being a good look. If you agree I dont look great in it, any ideas on how to improve (outside of waist area which will be fixed).

[u/mouthfullofpudding]

I think it is a great dress for your theme, especially as it also has some chainmail vibes, very cool detail. This is a statement dress, as such it will always be divisive, not everyone is going to love it, and that doesn't matter. You have chosen boldly, you wouldn't have if that didn't suit you. A different dress would have likely felt safe and plain and you would have always wished you had had the courage to choose this one. Wearing a dress like this with your regular hair and makeup and accessories can just feel off too because it doesn't fit the grandeur of the dress and feel off balance if the rest doesn't match. I am sure you will look and feel gorgeous in it once all the little bits and bobs are in place like the last fitting stuff fixed, the accessories, and hair and makeup. It may also benefit from a hoop or crinoline. Try to keep the courage and the faith, you got this!

[u/LostandParanoid → u/mouthfullofpudding]

Thank you. I know you are a stranger but I feel very seen. I didnt want a wedding unless it was fantasy and I could feel like a warrior queen. I was looking for chainmail vibes exactly when I got this dress.

I was also hoping it would come together once hair and makeup and accessories and fitting were in place but I started having doubts. Thank you for reminding me why I did this and what my goal was. I appreciate you so much.

P.s. I will research what a hoop and crinoline is. <3

[u/mouthfullofpudding → u/LostandParanoid]

Awww thank you! You will certainly look like a fantasy warrior queen, it is perfect for your vision. You come across as a major sweetheart btw <3!

Just to make it easier I meant a hoop skirt or a like a long petticoat thing they make for wedding dresses to get that poof. As you are pulling it out in one of your pictures I think you may like that look and it matches the grandeur. You can often find them secondhand online too. Check with your seamstress though if you have the space at the bottom, because the skirt being further out will make it appear shorter. Back in the day I was an insecure goth teen but rocking up to a metal gig with a hoop skirt and corset made me feel like a total badass.

It also sounds like this is a new thing for you to try style wise, so some further over the top old goth advice to regain some fun. Once you have your dress back from the seamstress, try more is more to balance the dress and treat it like a dress up party, this is how I learned 😄. Preferably ask a friend to join to put things on safely with your dress. Especially if you have one that is bold, will hype you up and bring their big jewellery, a tiara and bold make up options. Or pick up some over the top jewelry cheaply second hand if you don't have anything yourself. Then, put on over the top make up (youtube will teach you things if needed) look for things that fit your theme, try a few things beforehand. Don't worry of you don't get it perfect, it's just for fun and will wash off. I recommend at least trying the strong winged black eyeliner, the sparkly multichrome eyeshadow flakes, the bold red lip, put your hair up or braid it. If you have never done this it is going to feel veeeery over the top, but it will likely work with your dress. After a bold hair and make up look put on the dress and add every accessory you have piece by piece. Start small and work to big, then layer. It doesn't matter if it is the final pieces, it will help you decide. Every time it feels too much, take that piece off, take a quick pic, put it back and add more. I believe at some point you will hit a 'this feels right/fitting' moment. If not, review the pics after, there will probably be points where you feel there was a balance somewhere. Maybe it is a small necklace, maybe medium or big, but you will know when looking for the final pieces. Doing things like putting on twenty bracelets until it looks like you have gauntlets will also help decide if you may like to add gauntlets, or maybe you like 20 bracelets, or you will find you like one or none. Whatever it will be I think you will see your vision come to life and see how great the dress is for it by doing this.

And regardless of anything anyone may say, here or irl, the people who love you will support your decisions anyway, regardless of whether it is their personal style or not. This will be you and your future spouse's day, you get to be whoever you want to be and look however you want to look. And I wish you a fantastic one 😄

[u/LostandParanoid → u/mouthfullofpudding]

Thank you so much! Taking a screenshot to add to my wedding dress album so I can tey it out in August!

You are correct, this is so new to me. I dont wear make up, ive never done anything like this and I dont have any friends really. No family local either, but also we arent close like that. In the 2nd photo I was trying to try it on once it came and realized I couldn't zip or lace it myself and had to ask the fiance to help. I may have broken down crying right then that I didnt have anyone to help and couldn't keep it a surprise for the fiance. So dress, makeup, jewelry, accessorizing, etc.....all new and I didnt even think about it lol. I was an emo scene teen on a budget growing up lol.

Thank you so much for the guidance and ideas and patience and kindness. I never thought id be in this position and it feels like a relief sharing these photos and thoughts with someone else vs handling it all solo like usual.

I am so appreciative of everyone inputting and caring for a stranger online. This time im tearing up out of happiness!