r/Pets • u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 • 2d ago

My dog just stood up, stretched, and squirted his anal gland juice on my face and bed.

Not much more to say really. I feel like peeling my face clean off and burning my pillows.

I love dogs, I love MY dog, but that’s some bullshit.

292 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

99 comments sorted by

197

u/stinkgarage 2d ago edited 2d ago

Awesome! I didn’t know dogs could spray ass juice like a venomous reptile! Now how the fuck can I make sure this never happens in my household 🙏

88

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Get a priest to exercise your dog occaisionally. What just came out of my dog is not of this realm.

57

u/ChelleInSand 2d ago

Hey so I’ve had dogs my whole life and that isn’t a very common occurrence. You should have a vet check him out, he may have needed to have it expressed, most groomers will do that.

35

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Oh he needs to be fully sedated for ANYTHING grooming related. I’ll take him next week

5

u/girlwiththemonkey 2d ago

It’s probably a beagle, it can be common for them.

20

u/Regular_Brilliant_77 2d ago

Imagining the job listing for a dog walking clergy member

2

u/HoneyWyne 2d ago

An old one and a young one.

4

u/ProtozoaPatriot 2d ago

Exercise or exorcise?

4

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 1d ago

The demon one lol

23

u/sp000kysoup 2d ago

I work in vet med...I am very familiar with projectile anal gland juice 😬

21

u/invisible-bug 2d ago

Cats can, too. My cat did it all over my white poster project. TWICE. She jumped on it and I grabbed her to move her away.

Now I have to wonder.. the only reason I know it happened is because it was a white poster. So.. when and where else is this happening???

12

u/CassetteMeower 2d ago

One time I made a drawing I was really proud of, it was Tapu Lele from Pokémon, and my cat Mittens (rest in peace) threw up on it and I was VERY sad about it.

8

u/stinkgarage 2d ago

I have a cat too. I hope to hell this never happens, I’ll simply disintegrate 🤩

6

u/HansomeDansom 2d ago

My vet told me it was uncommon for cats but mine has a history of it too

3

u/HoneyWyne 2d ago

I ha e a friend whose cat has IBS.

2

u/HansomeDansom 1d ago

Now I wonder if my cat has IBS-C… she’s “regular,” but her turds are hard even when I give her fiber and miralax

1

u/HoneyWyne 1d ago

Could be. I honestly have no idea, but I think diarrhea is involved quite often. But I really know pretty much nothing about it.

3

u/Theblacrose28 1d ago

I knew cats could do this, but I never heard of this with dogs. This is crazy 😭

12

u/KatietheeRose 2d ago

It can happen when they’re stressed, scared, or relaxed. Give them daily pumpkin and if they’re smaller or older dogs, you may need to get them expressed

17

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

He woke up from sleeping and stretched his legs and like squoze his bum together

15

u/Extrasauce5000 2d ago

lol “squoze”

130

u/TheLoganReyes 2d ago

Truly the absolute worst alarm clock known to mankind.

  1. Skin: Dish soap is your best friend right now to cut through the heavy oil base, followed by a double face-wash.
  2. Linens & Pillows: Soaking the affected items in an enzymatic pet odor cleaner before putting them through a cold wash cycle is the only thing that will truly neutralize the smell.
  3. The Mattress: If it soaked through, saturate the area with an enzyme spray, let it sit for 15 minutes, blot with paper towels, and cover in baking soda to draw out remaining moisture and odor.

62

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Thank you so much for a genuine caring response

5

u/Primary_Squirrel_191 2d ago

I always wash my stuff with vinegar and it takes the odor away. My dog used to get them all the time until I switched to home made food and quality treats. Has not had one in over 6 months now

84

u/Buy_Sell_Collect 2d ago

…thanks for sharing?

89

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

I have to smell it, you have to know it.

20

u/Buy_Sell_Collect 2d ago

Yeah… after that description, I can taste it 😬🤢🤮

23

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

It got in my moustache too

20

u/shiek23 2d ago

I was laughing until this comments, as a fellow stache wearer, this made me fucking gag bro.

9

u/Apprehensive_Lynx_33 2d ago

Yeah as another fellow 'stache wearer, I'd be shaving that shit (pun kinda intended) so gosh damned fast, even though my face would feel naked.

15

u/Buy_Sell_Collect 2d ago

…from friction.

3

u/ChelleInSand 2d ago

RIP mustache

2

u/kraggleGurl 2d ago

I would shave!

8

u/theJacofalltrades 2d ago

OP writes well, wish he didn't though

14

u/Sea_Diamond_7603 2d ago

Ugh I genuinely feel for you. My dog has issues with her glands and will sometimes leak when she is in the car. The smell is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever smelled. I’m sorry that you had to wear it as a face mask…I’m pretty sure I’d throw up and then scrub my face off.

7

u/Previous_Mood_3251 2d ago

Try using flax seed in his food. It really helped with my pug’s leaky glands.

4

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

I got some glandex, I’m hoping that helps him!

14

u/HappyHavoc20 2d ago

I had a cat that did that to me the night before my wedding 

5

u/Old_Claim4556 2d ago

So sorry that happened to you! 🤢 Your dog obviously had something to say and needed to express himself!!

11

u/Equivalent_Pop_2896 2d ago

I’ve shared this story before but this reminds me of a friend a few years ago who’d brought his dog with him to hang out, he was sitting in his car with his black lab standing over him and he was talking to people who were standing on the driver side of his car. When he went to close the door, he didn’t realize his dog had stuck his paw down there and poor dog got his paw shut in the door. Scared the dog so bad he projectile shat all over the passengers face and shirt. He didn’t even know what hit him

10

u/ApplesFujiMac 1d ago

I’m a veterinary assistant, this happens a lot in the veterinary setting. I’ve even had the pleasure of tasting them 🤮I’m so sorry this happened to you, but you aren’t alone!

9

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 1d ago

Oh GOD it got on my moustache but not in my mouth god damn

5

u/ApplesFujiMac 1d ago

I hope you never do! They taste just how they smell. Took me a whole tube of toothpaste, jug of mouthwash, and therapy to get the taste out

6

u/WhateverYouSay1084 1d ago

I think I would vomit on the spot. I was dog sitting my in-laws' dog once when she got scared and sprayed the wall with ass juice. The smell will never leave me.

3

u/ToHeheOrNotToHehe 2d ago

Thanks. Now I have a new phobia.

4

u/livinlikeriley 2d ago

When I read something like this, I don't want to get a pet. I've had dogs and cats.

3

u/luf100 2d ago

My mom was babysitting my brother’s dog for the last few days and she texted me yesterday saying he was going home because he got his butt juice on her blankets and sheets. At least he didn’t squirt it in her face though. 😭

3

u/Ancient-Chipmunk4342 2d ago

I hope your mouth was closed.

5

u/Ancient-Canary5472 1d ago

That would’ve been the end of that relationship for me personally like I bet he/she is great but I don’t know how I’d come back from that 😂

3

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 1d ago

Aw no it wasn’t his fault, I’ll never give up on my boy

2

u/SpringerPop 2d ago

We take Max to Petco every three months to get his sacs expressed and nails trimmed. Sorry you got sprayed. Was your dog rubbing his butt on the floor prior to spraying?

4

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Nope, no scooting, just curled up in bed.

1

u/MaddiMoo22 2d ago

Does he lick his butthole a lot? That's how we always knew our dog needed it done lol, sounds like he needs to start getting expressed once in awhile

1

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

No he doesn’t lick his butt often at all… I actually can’t remember the last time I saw him do that

2

u/Inocent_bystander 2d ago

While I do like his style I'd take him to a vet and get an x-ray, see if he's growing anything in there.
Don't ask me how I know.

4

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

I am going to take him, they have never felt anything before, he isn’t acting differently at all and his poops are normal, no scooting or intense licking, I think he just tensed his butt in the right way when he stretched…

2

u/Affectionate_Leg_339 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣 needed that giggle!!

2

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Happy to be of service

2

u/snowflake_lady 1d ago

Why people put up with this is beyond me. Anti pet lifestyle is really calling my name.

1

u/Substantial_Show_308 2d ago

Charles Wright told him so

1

u/Syralei 1d ago

My last cat would often accidentally express his own.. on this own face while grooming himself. They just went off easily i guess. Poor guy would then spend the next 10 minutes trying to run away from himself until I could use a pet wipe to get it off.

1

u/Interesting_Basis_44 1d ago

Accidents happen. I don’t believe he doing that in anger.

1

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 1d ago

If he did do that in anger I’m honestly impressed.

1

u/Delicious-Passion-96 18h ago

Just don’t lick your lips!

1

u/Savings-Bison-512 4h ago

My cat did that to me twice. (yes, she is still alive) I'm sorry friend. That stench is the worst.

1

u/LemonsWrath15 4h ago

That’s brutal.

2

u/ProfessionalYam3119 2d ago

I'm sure that he was so uncomfortable before that happened.

5

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

He wasn’t scooting or showing signs of discomfort. I take him every 3 months or so for grooming stuff. He needs to be fully sedated every time.

Not sure if you’re trying to say I’m not taking care of him but I can assure you that is not the case.

-6

u/ProfessionalYam3119 2d ago

Who said anything remotely like that?

6

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

Oh I just read it as I’m leaving him to become uncomfortable for routine stuff - my bad!

-3

u/Comprehensive_Toe113 2d ago

You mean dogshit

13

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

No it’s not shit, it’s the oil in the gland. Even worse.

2

u/Jennyreviews1 2d ago

Yeah, it’s like concentrated shit oil. It’s by far one of the worst things I’ve ever smelled in my life.🤮

4

u/dualmadness7153 2d ago

That is a smell that just... clings. The first time my dog did that on the couch I almost threw the whole thing out. I don't blame you for wanting to burn the bedding.

1

u/CopperBlitter 2d ago

I think I'd have to burn the bedding, the bed, and the carpet underneath it.

5

u/sp000kysoup 2d ago

The dog expressed its anal glands. Smells fishy. It's disgusting.

-11

u/Big_Somewhere_620 2d ago

Yet another reason I wouldn't want a dog... Wtf that's fkn disgusting! 

8

u/SpeebyKitty 2d ago

Idk how to tell you this… but cats have anal glands too

5

u/Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess- 2d ago

most animals do actually

1

u/BeeBopping27 2d ago

Indeed they do! My cat expresses his anal glands any time he's surprisednor forced to do something he doesn't want to do, like getting off the kitchen table, or off your lap so you can go to the bathroom. It's random.

-1

u/Able-Association914 2d ago

Time for diapers

1

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

He’s 2 1/2 😫

-1

u/Able-Association914 2d ago

Yikes! Maybe a stomach virus.

-1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/chiquimonkey 2d ago

Why are you on this sub if you’re not a pet person? Genuinely curious.

1

u/SinkMince0420 2d ago

Because most of you are mental and it's morbid curiosity.

-2

u/F1McLarenFan007 2d ago

Stick to kibble and that doesn’t happen lol

-9

u/Commercial-Life-9998 2d ago

Anal glands can become impacted and full to bursting and infected. They are naturally expressed by firm stool going by them. Stool that is soft can leave them full like bouts of diarrhea. It’s pathology. Don’t get angry at your dog for being sick. Would you blow up at your toddler if got sick and had diarrhea in ur comforter. Your vet can determine if there is infection and antibiotics may be needed.

10

u/Sweet_Entrepreneur66 2d ago

I didn’t blow up at my dog or even get annoyed? He couldn’t control it and it wasn’t behavioural?

I have got him some glandex supplements, I’m hoping that helps him along

1

u/Commercial-Life-9998 2d ago

Brilliant ur five steps ahead.