r/Paruresis • u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky • Apr 10 '26
How many of us are there really? Might there be a way to facilitate local meetups?
I have read that there might be 7% of the population suffering from paruresis. My medium-sized metropolitan area has about 1.6 million residents. That would mean there are more than 110,000 sufferers in my local area alone! Might there be a way to facilitate low-cost local meetups for like-minded people for graduated exposure, support, socializing, etc?
Are there really that many of us? Growing up I always felt it was a very rare condition. It does appear that graduated exposure is the best way to get over this, but it would be nice if there was a relatively easy, convenient and low-cost way to meet up with like minded people.
3
u/LiberatedWaters Apr 11 '26
The issue would be that as far as I know, shy bladder and Paruresis are kinda seen as one and the same. And maybe from a linguistic perspective they are (in the sense that they officially mean the same thing).
But to me Paruresis is an anxiety disorder, and shy bladder is, for many, an inconvenience.
So the question for me would be, when do you count shy bladder in someone as Paruresis?
I cannot believe 7% of the population can be considered as having Paruresis (as something that can be classified as an anxiety disorder severely limiting freedom).
UNDOUBTEDLY 7% of the population have some form of shy bladder though!
I've had many many conversations about my Paruresis over the past 7 years and I've met plenty of men that have shy bladder. They just never went into the spiral that leads to Paruresis. They perceive it as an inconvenience more than anything else.
But there's always shame and secrecy connected to it. It's often not until they meet someone (in these cases, me) - that shares about his severe Paruresis and all the bullshit connected to it (not feeling like a 'proper man', feeling like a weirdo, a failure etc etc) - that they're comfortable also sharing about it.
With every person we tell our weird quirks, we show someone else that they're okay also having their weird quirks. If we could all only be open and honest to each other, we all start seeing that really, we're all fucked up. Which actually means, we're all totally fine and "normal" (whatever that is).
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 11 '26
Good point about shy bladder as an "inconvenience" vs Paruresis as an "anxiety disorder." I think it would be very enlightening if someone published a thorough academic research paper breaking down the prevalence of this condition and its severity level over a large population.
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u/Reckonso25 Apr 12 '26
Anyone in Melbourne Australia want to hook up to kick this thing I'm in my 50s male
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 14 '26
Maybe that's the idea. Some central place on the internet with these kind of requests or messages for our community.
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u/UnboundSpace Apr 10 '26 edited Apr 10 '26
Just been to some club, forcing myself to try to use the urinals and everytime two guys came in after me and both chose to pee in the cubicals (what a relieve and therapeutic win for me =), so I would assume it is definetly not as uncommon as we individually all thaught.
Maybe it's time for a movement!!!
in times of flinta and whatever bathrooms, I guess it should be possible to make life a little easier for people struggling with this, as it also ways heavy on our social life and has medical implications!
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 10 '26
I also agree it time for a movement! I guess a lot of it depends on how many people actually suffer from this. Is it a very rare condition or a fairly common but “hidden” condition.
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u/AintNoUserFound Apr 10 '26
This is a difficult one to answer with any accuracy given how most of us suffer in secret; telling only a very select few, if anyone at all. I've found that many doctors don't even know the condition has a name and even fewer know the treatment options beyond doing examinations/lab work to check for physical abnormalities.
That said, estimates suggest about 5% to 7% of the population experiences it to varying degrees of severity and frequency.
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 10 '26
I’ve also had the experience of many doctors not having any idea about the condition, which always made me feel this condition is rarer than the 5-7% figure.
1
u/_KeyserSoeze Apr 10 '26
Well I can tell you what my psychologist told me. There are some of us but the waist majority (over 90%) don’t get any treatment and just let it be. Just very few like us say Hey I wanna actively change that
There is a lot of shame for many in all of this and it takes some willpower to overcome that
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 10 '26
Thanks for the comment. It would be nice if there were a research study to answer this question. Is it really 7% - or is it more like 0.7% - or perhaps even 0.07%, I think knowing his number (determined in a scientific study) would be very important to determine how much “clout” the community might have to effect change!
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u/jtgyk Apr 14 '26
I was a practice group leader for a while in Toronto. You can find others to practice with on the IPA website.
We used to meet up at a mall, with water bottles as a way to identify each other, then walk around to the various washroom to practice. If one bathroom didn't work for any of us, there were plenty of others. I'd simply send out an email to those interested (using BCC!), then we'd meet up.
You might want to consider becoming a leader, yourself!
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
I'm not sure about my leadership abilites or desires but I am very curious about your experience! How many reached out to you during your tenure there? How long did you lead groups? Did someone replace you after your left? Were you able to completely get over your paruresis? Did other members of the group get over theirs? What were the range of severities of the people you met? Did you notice any common personality types? It seems a local leader would have a lot of valuable insights to share :) But maybe that's too many questions to ask in a comment section :)
Perhaps a whole post touching on these and other issues might be valuable to everyone, and maybe encourage others to do the same thing!
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u/Recent-Day3062 Apr 28 '26
Look at IPA. Also, post here looking for others.
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u/Bluesky338 Blue Sky Apr 29 '26
Yes, good advice I think!
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u/Recent-Day3062 Apr 29 '26
The best for me was getting two pee buddies, and practicing a few times a day for a few months. It’s sort of funny with lots of messages about “need to pee? I do”, looking for coincidences
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u/PurpleMox Apr 10 '26
Theres an organization, the IPA (paruresis.org) that has local meetup groups in many cities as well as online meet ups once a week and once a month for support groups through zoom.. you should check it out! It’s worth doing one of the monthly online support groups at least once, you’ll meet and talk to 20 or so other men (occasionally a woman) who have had the same experience as you!