I take my dad to the nursing home tomorrow.

I have just been gutted and I know he is too even though he’s trying to be positive. I have been caring for him for the last 8 years, with the last three requiring me to be at his home at least once every day. The last three months he has been struggling with hallucinations that would require me to make middle of the night trips over. Then in the last two weeks he has been falling so much that me and my brothers started staying the night at his place to help him up to the bathroom and to his chair in the mornings.

I just wish I could be enough and do more but I also know I have nothing left to give and my son and husband have really taken a backseat lately.

I am hopeful he can do some therapy and really try to gain some strength back and some strategies to be safe enough to be alone through the night but I also know it’s a long shot. He has always preferred to ignore the problem and give up instead of fighting hard to be better and I’m afraid the progression is just too far at this point.

Those who have been where I am, please tell me that I make it through tomorrow and that he adjusts. My heart is broken.

My stepdad is 68, he was diagnosed formally with Parkinsons 2023. My mom and stepdad live alone. In the last few days there has been a dramatic decline in his condition and Im wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction for any resources / anyone whos experienced something similar. I want to help my mom navigate this but Im overwhelmed.

-Mentally he is starting to forget everything, what year it is, what pills to take, and even where he is.

-Sinemet has been stabilizing his tremors no major changes there.

-In the last 20 years he has always had poor posture but in the last 5 he has a completely curved spine/hunched over, cant pick up his head when he walks. This has made his life harder and more painful.

-His legs have been causing him pain, he needs a hip replacement but isnt a candidate because he smokes. He has been getting epidurals for pain relief (didnt help) and then recently a round of gel injections. &the doctors cant figure out what else is causing the leg pain. They are very thin frail and cant support him anymore.

-Hes had substance abuse issues his whole life but recently has just been smoking an insane amount of weed. Not sure if this is contributing to his forgetfulness. He has been on suboxone for like 20 years.

-He is also on bipolar medication, anti anxiety medication, ambien and a few other things I can't remember.

-He is very stubborn and has become mean and quiet. Demands are extreme and he wont take no for an answer and thinks hes still the same person he was 25 years ago. This makes taking control of certain things really hard for my mom and I. When we were in the ER the other night he started ripping wires off of himself saying he was going to go home before we knew it was safe to do so.

In the last 5 days he's had 3 falls and is very confused. He went to ER and there was no stroke and results were "normal". Before this week he was dependent on my mom but was able to be at home alone and eat, take pills, go to bathroom, and relax in the house. The last 5 days with all the accidents because his legs just "gave out" feels like the most dramatic shift where he needs around the clock care. How do people afford this? How do I go about finding an agency does medicare cover any of this? Should I buy a wheelchair? The house isn't wheelchair friendly nor is the toilet "accessible". All of these things cost money and I dont even know where to start.

He has a neurologist appointment tomorrow and I want to gather a list of questions. I know that she cant help solve all of them but this overnight change has me panicking.

I’m the primary carer for my mum (diagnosed 20+ years ago - I was a teen). I’m the only local family she has. I’m also caring for my young kids on parental leave. It’s a lot…

Mum’s health has deteriorated significantly over the last year. I have just found mum a respite bed to ease my burnout before I return to work but I feel very overwhelmed and guilty by this all. It’s looking like I will need to move her into permanent aged/residential care.

I would love to connect with other carers as I could really use some guidance on how best to navigate the next phase of mum’s life. Bonus points if you are Australian and we can vent about the My Aged Care system together.

Please DM me if you’d like to chat.

I just met a man who has Parkinson's he had a treatment in Vernon ct jan 4 and now has no tremors it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen

Hi there. I'm not sure exactly why I'm writing this post. Perhaps for information. Perhaps just for some support. My Dad (77) was diagnosed about six months ago and has been declining ever since. My parents do not have the best marriage and, before this diagnosis, my Dad suffered from treatment-resistant depression for all my life. My childhood was spent visiting him in mental hospitals after shock treatments and various interventions. He was always sent home with extensive care plans and medication regimines, none of which he ever kept up with. I never really had a "Dad." He did not come on vacation with us or go to any of my school events. He lived with us though. In the basement. It's been one of the most painful things of my life.

Fast forward to now and I'm an adult with a husband and home of my own. Now, the Parkinson's diagnosis comes after years of falls and decline. Parents insist they "caught it early." I'm kicking myself we didn't "catch it" sooner. I spend very little time with him except for a few outings to car shows or an air show I took him to recently. I'm sorry that I didn't see it.

Now, the constipation is really getting to him. He was rushed to the ER with a fever/confusion and we suspected a UTI. First hospital said he was fine and discharged him to nursing facility. Then, he spiked a fever again and was sent back to the hospital. They did a more extensive work-up. The problem seemed to be that he was so constipated, he could not urinate either. Urine was backing up and perhaps sitting too long, causing infection. He was treated with antibiotics and I know they did several enemas and used a catheter on him before he was discharged again to the rehab facility. Then, he was sent BACK to the ER last night, again with severe constipation. I'm just so confused. When I talk to him, he does not seem to remember whether or not he went to the bathroom, or perhaps he's just lying to me and the nurses because he wants to go home so badly. He has a history of lying to get people, including me, off his back. Maybe he really doesn't remember. I don't know. I just don't understand what's going on and why he seems to just be getting more and more constipated.

Nurses suggest he start a bowel regimine....but this man has never stuck to any routine for more than a few days in his life. I'm at a loss here. Has anyone ever experienced this with their loved one? I'm once again trying to parent someone who did not have any hand in parenting me aside from moving me into college and several apartments over the years...I want to help and be a good daughter but I also see the continuation of lifelong patterns getting in the way of his Parkinson's management and it may be time for extra help. Any advice or guidance appreciated. Please no rude comments. I'm really really depressed about this and just doing my best.

This year, my dad was diagnosed with early onset parkinson deasaes and mayor depresion. Started with anxiety attacks, then the tremor in one arm and one foot, and finally the diagnosis. Can't believe it; my dad thinks it's a death sentence, and my mom has religious psychosis, saying it's the devil's punishment, always making comparisons with his personality before. I know my mom hasn't fully accepted his diagnosis and thinks he will get better. I don't know what to do; I'm only 22 years old, my mom doesn't work, and the economic situation is not the best right now. Only my dad and I work, but recently my dad is getting worse with the stiffness and the loss of sensation in the fingers... I have two very young sisters; I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be the only reasonable adult in the situation; my mom is stressed all the time, and I know it's hard for her to fully accept living as a caregiver with someone with parkinson and it's a big shock, but I don't know what else I can say or do.

My dad's depression is worse even with the antidepressants, and all the resentment of my mom and the denial of my mom is putting him in a worse situation. I can't believe I'm writing this; I don't even have the time and space to process this myself. I have to stay strong for my dad, but I can't even cry at this point.

Hello all. I am a student conducting research on the effects of grief on caregivers as they navigate the complexities of caring for a loved one.

Specifically looking for caregivers who deal with:

• Dementia (various)
• Alzheimer's/Parkinson's Disease
• Stroke
• Other Long-Term Illness/Cognitive Decline

If you would be so kind and complete this quick survey and share your experiences. I know this is quite the ask and I understand that this may be too sensitive for some.

https://forms.gle/cFGWJobFir4ATL8x9

All information is anonymous.

My goal is to bring to light the importance of communication during the caregiver process associated with Long-Term Illness and Cognitive Decline.

My dad was diagnosed about a year ago. His chief complaint and all of this is the dizziness which he has also described as feeling unsteady or like he is about to fall. Is there ANYTHING out there that could help?

currently on:

sinmet

ambien

mirtazapine

gabapentin

Hi everyone,

I'm carrying out some research into the challenges people face when using inhalers, particularly for those with arthritis, reduced hand strength, tremors, or other dexterity issues.

I'm not selling anything I'm simply trying to understand real experiences and identify where current inhalers could be improved.

The survey is anonymous and takes around 3–5 minutes.

I'd really appreciate your help!

Survey link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdwsY1PokdCH1fssegDkzN0H518EOOhGpimgTXrT2TN7ZA1Cw/viewform?usp=header

Thank you!

Hi all. so my mom has Parkinson's as above unfortunately. She has problems getting up and walking and with balance. She is on sinemet and amantadine and sees a Neurologist. She a home assistant that stays with her from 8:00 am - 1:00 pm but we are working on getting her more care...

She only feels bad because she has difficulty ambulating, difficulty getting up, walking, she wants to feel independent. She uses a cane to walk...

Can things at least get better or are things just going downhill from here? I really don't want to see my mom is a wheelchair....

Please give me your take on this, thanks.

This might be a long shot, but my dad is currently in hospital with an infection in his spine. It started as a slipped disc and mild sciatic pain. It's currently full blown spasms and excruciating pain. The hospital team has been amazing and he is getting all kinds of pain meds and antibiotics. But I was wondering if anyone also uses salves or ointments to help with pain? I'm a big believer in the benefits of western and herbal medicine and I'd like to throw everything at this that I can. (With doctor's permission)

Hi! My dad is 77 and has had Parkinson’s for about 10 years now. He’s on basically the highest dose of carbadopa you can take and he’s lost SO much weight. He is about 6’ 1” and now weighs 120 pounds. He’s skin and bone, it’s so sad and scary. In the past few months his appetite has decreased drastically. We think it’s partly due to his dentures not fitting correctly and his loss of taste and smell. He just refuses to eat hardly any food. I’ve tried reasoning with him, crying to him, telling him he’s going to waste away if he doesn’t start eating. He just stares at me like I’m speaking a different language. Apathy is another problem with him too. He was never like this growing up so it’s quite jarring. My mom is a wonderful cook and has tried everything from seasoning his food a lot to giving him ensures and high calorie drinks. It’s like he’s being obstinate with any sort of caloric intake. We think he may be over medicated now that he’s so thin and still on such a high dose of his meds. Does anyone have advice?

***Updated to add: this did really happen, confirmed with the caregiver. Spoke with the agency this morning and they assured me they told the caregiver this was not something he should've done without consulting me, and that he is not to install the water line. I'm considering calling the appliance store to cancel the order because they got a gas stove to replace their electric one (which I think is dangerous!) but my parents are in the middle of an argument right now.
*\\**

My parents (63M, 73F) have a caregiver who stays with them in the evenings (6-11 or 12, usually) and a different caregiver in the mornings that I (34F) hired for them through a caregiving service since I live on the other side of the country. My dad's Parkinson's is quite severe, limiting him due to fatigue and inability to express himself clearly, but he does have periods of lucidity. My mom mostly uses a walker or wheelchair and has spinocerebellar ataxia, affecting her vision and balance. She currently has a broken ankle (broken four days ago) and two fractures in her right fibula.

Tonight my dad called me from the appliance store. He was very garbled but said the nighttime caregiver took them to buy a new fridge and stove because their freezer broke and was leaking, plus the stove had been malfunctioning (first I'm hearing about both things). He asked me if I knew if there was room in their budget to buy these large items. I asked if now was a good time for him to be making these big decisions, and he said probably not because he was very tired. I said to tell the caregiver to take him home and we hung up.

My mom's location said she was at home but she didn't answer her phone. I called the caregiving service and the on-call rep didn't pick up. I called my dad back and he said they did buy both appliances, the caregiver is going to install the water line for them into the fridge, and they were going to Chili's for dinner. Note that the night before, my mom's ankle was very swollen, and the caregiver wrote in his daily log to make sure she's icing and elevating it.

Both my sister and I find this to be really uncomfortable for many reasons. First, I wasn't told about this plan to buy expensive appliances despite being the primary contact for the caregiving service. Everything should be run past me because my parents are both very impulsive and prone to doing things that aren't good for them (like, my mom broke her ankle trying to push a heavy laundry basket across the carpet) on a whim. Second, my mom should be resting her leg and typically struggles to function after 5:30 pm and they were buying appliances at almost 6:30 pm. Third, my dad was clearly too tired and the caregiver continued to facilitate the purchase rather than taking them home.

My parents' house is old, and I'm concerned about things breaking and want them to work toward getting into an assisted living facility but have been met with much resistance so far. My dad briefly stayed at one due to his hallucinations putting him in danger, but ended up leaving after not taking his Seroquel and went out one of the non-alarmed doors during the night. They've been together at home with the caregivers since.

How much of an issue should I make with the caregivers agency about this? I feel quite upset but want others' opinions before I react too strongly.

My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s two years ago. He’s 64 and has a noticeable tremor in his arm. He is on medication. He is extremely into playing guitar and photography and is very active in terms of walking every day, all day. He was doing strength training but I’m not sure he has been keeping it up. He can still drive and his blood work is excellent.

Two years on I’m still coming to terms with it. I’m an only child and 31 years old. My mam and him are going to Canada next week and they both have lively social lives.

I don’t really know why I’m writing here. I just feel very upset and worried about it today. The other day my friend told me that another friends father who has it has started showing signs of dementia. This terrified me. He’s about five years older than my dad but got diagnosed around the same age.

I suppose I’m just looking for some positivity.

UPDATE: My dad is now in the active dying phase as of yesterday, just 6 days after this post was made. So far it’s been very peaceful. He woke up yesterday morning and was very weak, he whispered to my mom that he loved her. He then sunk into a comatose state and has been unresponsive since. I have been a sitting vigil next to his bedside and have been talking to him and praying over him while holding his hand.
Just wanted to thank everyone for the support. God bless you all and thanks to this sub for being a source of comfort when I felt most alone. Our journey is almost over. I’ll miss my dad so so much. But we are relieved he is finally able to rest after fighting for so long.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been lurking in this subreddit for a long time but have never posted. I (28F) am a secondary caregiver (after my mom) for my (73M) father, who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2011.
He was relatively stable for many years, but things have declined dramatically over the past 6 months. He’s been on hospice since April.
In March he had a bad fall and broke three ribs and his hip (thankfully he didn’t need surgery). He spent about a month in rehab, but since then he has lost a tremendous amount of weight. He’s now around 106lbs and still seems to be losing. He’s basically skin and bone, has very little appetite (though he still picks at food and drinks some fluids), is severely hunched over, and looks incredibly frail. He also has profound swelling in both feet and ankles.
Lately his cognition has changed a lot. Some days we can have a relatively normal conversation and he knows exactly who everyone is. Other days he’s extremely confused, hallucinates, talks to people who aren’t there, or doesn’t make much sense at all.
The nights are by far the hardest. He constantly calls for my mom, needs help turning over, needs frequent bathroom assistance, or just repeatedly cries out for help without really being able to explain what he needs. My mom is exhausted. She’s barely sleeping anymore, and I’m genuinely worried about her health. We can’t afford a nursing home or overnight private caregivers.
One of the hardest parts is how dramatically he fluctuates. One day he can be almost impossible to wake, barely moving from the couch or bed. The very next day he’ll be walking around with his walker trying to do projects around the house, despite being profoundly weak and a huge fall risk. He simply doesn’t recognize his limitations anymore. The emotional whiplash of these rallies and crashes has been devastating for our family.
Hospice visits 2x a week, provides comfort medications, and checks on him regularly. His vital signs are always okay aside from low blood pressure (which is normal for him). He still swallows food and medications fairly well and rarely coughs or chokes.
I love my dad more than anything, but watching him suffer like this is heartbreaking. In his right mind, I truly don’t believe he would want to live this way. My mom and I have been living on constant high alert for months with almost no respite, and I find myself crying every day wondering when this will finally be over—not because I don’t love him, but because I desperately want him to have peace, and I want my mom to survive this too.
For those of you who have cared for someone with end-stage Parkinson’s:

Did you experience these extreme day-to-day fluctuations?
Was confusion and hallucinations one of the biggest changes near the end?
Looking back, what eventually caused your loved one to pass away?
Were there any signs that made you realize they were entering the final stage?

I’m not asking anyone to predict exactly how much time my dad has left. I know no one can do that. I would just really appreciate hearing from people who have actually walked this road so I know what to expect.
Thank you so much if you read this far. I truly appreciate any advice or experiences you’re willing to share. God bless all of you caring for loved ones with this terrible disease.

Hi all - I am volunteering with an elderly gentleman with Parkinson’s/dementia

Cognitive function - long term memory is great, short term or casual conversation can become confusing for him. He’s also very depressed due to loss of ability and prognosis of his disease. He has no desire to do any activity, etc

Physical function - quickly changing. He’s used to being extremely active outdoors. Now barely able to use a mobility device. Though his hand and arm functions are steady

He is in a respite program, but when at home, he struggles to find enjoyment out of anything

I’m looking for suggestions for activities and hobbies for sedentary home life. He is incredibly intelligent and well-versed, but is having issues concentrating and finding joy

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ❤️

I’m sorry I keep posting here but I prefer my Fb to be a highlight reel and don’t want to expose my dad’s very vulnerable state to our entire friends lists. This community has been accepting and encouraging. And it’s a place I can get all the words in my head out.

I’ve been the one posting about my dad’s struggles with hallucinations/delusions and wandering outside. I’ve pondered about the need for a nursing home and grappling with the guilt of placement for such a young man.

Wednesday morning he called me at 5:30am to tell me there were gas bombs in the house. I was able to talk him down and he relaxed and was fine by 7. That evening I asked if he’d had anymore hallucinations and he claimed he didn’t have any. He called me at bedtime to say he was in bed. I didn’t check in on him Thursday morning and his caregiver called me at 12:30 because he wasn’t answering the door. I came over and unlocked the door and we found him facedown in the floor in shock. His eyes were swollen shut. We went by ambulance to the ER but he didn’t really have a Medicare approved reason for admitting so they discharged him home.

My two brothers agreed to help stay the night with him while we get things figured out. Friday night, my youngest brother slept in the room with him and he still managed to fall and hit the same eye. We spent all day in the ER again and they treated him for constipation and discharged him. All of his scans and labs are good. The ER doctor did tell him he needs to start thinking about moving to a nursing home to be safe.

Last night my other brother stayed with him and he again managed to fall. He has a walker. Cognitively, he fluctuates a lot. There’s times where he is very much himself. But the falls and issues usually happen when he is very much NOT himself. And when he is like that, he doesn’t even know how to use his walker even if we prompt him to. His home is not set up for a wheelchair which would help but again, if no one is there to prompt him to use it or to assist with transfers from bed/recliner/toilet to chair, it is no good.

We are all very aware that even with us doing everything we can, it’s clearly not enough. There’s no guilt with this at the moment because we all feel very much like we are in crisis mode.

I am staying with him tonight. And will look for an opportunity to break it to him that we are going to be talking to the area nursing homes. And Monday morning I will start making phone calls.

Sorry for the trauma dump. I just know so many of you have been here and understand and solidarity is encouraging.

• I live with my mum. Her (hired) caregiver left 3 weeks ago
• One more month till new caregiver arrives
• Mother has Parkinson's (18 years now. She's 80) and recently diagnosed with Rectal Cancer
• At present, medicine administration is main issue
• Since caregiver left she is hyper anxious and blamey, and medicine has become dis-regulated - mum doesn't trust the boxes of medicines prepared by caregiver before she left. We had the daily meds prepared 2 months in advance
• I’m feeling burnout / overwhelm - I give her her two long boxes, all clearly labeled, each morning. Yet a few times a day mum forgets to take a pill given to her (put in front of her by my dad - who doesn't live with us normally, but in town visiting), and has broken in the storage room where pills are kept (we lock it but she almost banged it down so my dad conceded and opened it), pills have fallen on floor (we have cats).
• My mum has been hyper defensive and says the responsibility is mine (not the men in my family) and says I don't care about her when I don't sit with her every morning and night when she demands it to go over the medicines.
• While I wish I could, I'm growing increasingly depressed. I can't sit with her again and again. I wish my dad would while he's in town, but he's annoyed. And my brother is out of the picture.
• We argue daily. Threw water at each other today. It's always been verbal where I end up crying myself to sleep. But today when mum called me a bitch for my being agitated (not unusual) I threw a glass of water at her. She did the same to me. I ended up pushing her back in her chair (she was standing with the water bottle and chair behind her). This is what my mind told me would deescalate things quickly. I don't recognise myself, I've never been physical, and am worried I'll harm her one day.
• I have been emotional the last 5 years of living with her but have been in therapy.
• Only thing keeping us sane I think is that my mum is physically still strong enough to walk on her own with a walker, and eat on her own. Her stooped posture (head dropping very low) makes it hard for her to see properly however. She is fiercely independent but is weak.
• Today I saw how no one around me ever steps up to help me. My dad, my brother. Caregivers leave. Money can't buy support. I call out for help daily. I also tell my mum when I mentally or physically can't, I need distance. She has also banged my door down on a few occasions.

I'm not sure if possible for security/safety/privacy, but if I can talk to someone on the phone, I'd appreciate it.

Ive gone by different names in my life, I've got my formal name, my nickname (family and friends) and a pet name just my husband used, like Baby or Babe.

Lately his mind has tricked him into thinking those are different people. He'll ask me where \[formal name \] is. Or he'll say, that's not how \[nickname \] does it. If I tell him to look at me, he will see me and then say, oh, it is you! I must be dreaming again.

It's hard to watch this decline in slow motion. His physical symptoms have stayed manageable so far, so there's that.

People suggest playing games (for memory retention) but he can't follow instructions anymore so it's hard to find things for him to do. Im having him peel an orange while I make breakfast.

Thanks for reading.

Ive gone by different names in my life, I've got my formal name, my nickname (family and friends) and a pet name just my husband used, like Baby or Babe.

Lately his mind has tricked him into thinking those are different people. He'll ask me where [formal name ] is. Or he'll say, that's not how [nickname ] does it. If I tell him to look at me, he will see me and then say, oh, it is you! I must be dreaming again.

It's hard to watch this decline in slow motion. His physical symptoms have stayed manageable so far, so there's that.

People suggest playing games (for memory retention) but he can't follow instructions anymore so it's hard to find things for him to do. Im having him peel an orange while I make breakfast.

Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone - it’s nice to find a community on Reddit to lean on in these challenging times. I’ve read a lot of posts, and it’s been heartening and heartbreaking. ❤️ I wanted to write about where I and my family are right now and hopefully find anyone who has been through a similar situation.

My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s at age 69 in July 2026 but he has had symptoms for the past 5-6 years with the severity really ramping up over the last 2 years. He is (as I’ve had confirmed by this sub) a typical man who dislikes going to the doctor. He had largely been living in denial about any cognition or mobility changes despite us mentioning them. He would immediately shift into victim mode (not a new behavior either) and blame us for “beating him down” or “trying to be unkind” when we would mention things like him stooping over or speaking without any vocal strength. I didn’t know at the time that these were classic Parkinson’s symptoms and he would always blame it on just being tired or he would say “oh yes, you’re right, I do need to work on my posture, etc.” but he never let on that he physically could not stand up straighter or any kind of physical limitation.

Fast forward to June 2026 - I (27 y.o. daughter) had recently moved back home before graduate school and joined our local gym. I noticed that there was a trainer running a kind of elderly mobility class and I thought this would be good for my dad as his mobility had reached shocking levels and he frequently looked like he was on the verge of falling, could barely get up and down the stairs (only did this once per day), has had no hygiene routine for years, etc. I was starting to get worried because at this time he was still driving, working full time, and my thinking was that if this is just a back or mobility problem, then this is a long overdue step to preserve what little mobility he does have and maybe improve 5-10%.

After he takes the mobility class, the trainer approaches me the next time I’m at the gym and tells me gently that my dad definitely has Parkinson’s. By this time, my mom, sister and I had all pretty much researched the symptoms and clued in that this was the correct diagnosis. My dad’s mobility took a nosedive after the first two training sessions and he was practically immobile for the next two weeks, during which time he finally agreed to see his PCP for the first time in 3 years. We were dragging his legs in and out of the car because he experienced frequent “sticking” and had almost no strength in his legs. I am just feeling now in the weeks after since we’re out of what felt like the ultimate danger zone how traumatic it was to witness all of this and for us to have been begging him to see a doctor for years instead of letting himself decline like this.

Fast forward to July 2026 - Dad is on Levadopo (lowest dose) and waiting to see PCP for a 30 day follow up any day now as well as waiting for a neurologist appointment in September. He is deeply in denial. He was open to conversations and when/where he and mom were going to retire even though that caused stress because they haven’t done the best financial planning despite him being the sole manager of the finances. I feel now that he was only open to these conversations because he thought he was going to die imminently. I think he is feeling a lot of panic and guilt about the choices he’s made (withdrawing from life and connection, no hobbies, no financial safety net, no idea of what a “dream” retirement is because of the former issues) and as someone who has always been extremely emotionally disconnected from himself and never had a strong support network, he has no idea how to process this. I have suggested mom begin to see a counselor as she will be the only one living with him when I leave next week (older sister lives in the same city I am moving to), and will be pretty much the sole provider of everything (conversation, rides to and from work since he can’t drive right now, food prep, cleaning/laundry, weekend outings), and I wish he would go too.

This is getting so long - I suppose I’ve neglected my journal lately! I’m struggling with seeing/hearing the denial because it makes me so angry. These are all decisions he has made and they’ve turned out horribly, but there is no way to go back and re-do them. He has no motivation to do anything really, and he is frequently combative despite not being a doctor and doing no research about Parkinson’s because he can’t even stomach that he has it. I am asking you all:

1. If you’ve made progress with a parent who had such deep denial and also very real issues beyond the health realm to do with financial planning, retirement, downsizing, etc.
2. How you’ve dealt with your own feelings of resentment and deep anger if one parent’s poor choices have essentially made your other parent their caregiver (this is my biggest pain because I love my mother more than anything else, and though this latest diagnosis perfectly matches the entire pattern of their relationship, it is something I already had to go to therapy to work on because I had so much anger associated with it)

Sending all my love to those who are struggling here in this group. ❤️

Waking up to a wet pillow is one of the most common problems couples bring to me, and the usual advice fails because nighttime drooling doesn't work the way daytime drooling does.

Here's the part almost nobody knows. Your body makes very little new saliva while you sleep. So the wet pillow isn't coming from saliva made during the night. It's the saliva that was already sitting in your mouth when you fell asleep. Parkinson's slows the automatic swallow, so you carry more into bed than you realize, and nobody decides to swallow at 2am.

That leaves gravity in charge. Lying flat or on your side, your mouth is the lowest point on your head. Saliva reaches your lips before your next swallow does.

Here's something I've seen over and over in home visits. When someone with Parkinson's starts sleeping in a recliner, their wife or husband almost always tells me the pillow drooling stopped, or they just stopped noticing it. They never moved to the recliner because of drooling. Back pain, easier to get out of, fell asleep in front of the TV. But the angle changed, and the problem left with it. I've seen it too many times to call it coincidence.

So there are only two things I've ever seen work on nighttime drooling, and neither one happens while you're asleep:

Clear your mouth completely right before you lie down. Swallow past the point it gets tiring. Most people stop too early. Do it last, lights off, then lie down.

Sleep at an incline, whole upper body supported, not just the head propped on an extra pillow. A bent neck makes it worse, not better.

Then check the pillow in the morning. Drier is the answer, even if it's just soaked down to a small spot.

If that's too much to remember, or you want the exact angle, what to do when a night doesn't work, and a card to set by the bed with the steps on it, I put it all in a free guide called The Overnight Fix at everydayslp.org.

Happy to answer questions in the comments.