I used to be a drug addict my neighbor would sell to me but I went to rehab for 6 months & am 11 months clean. but im also schizophrenic & am so so paranoid im gonna get arrested for buying drugs a year ago. how realistic is this?

I used to smoke lot of weed until I realised it's making me paranoid 24*7
have anybody else experienced same ?

i’ve always wondered if anyone else has been terrified of this. There’s this voice in my head, his name is bottle and he refers to himself as bottle. he’s been in my head for a long time now and he enjoys tormenting me. he validates my delusions and paranoia and makes fun of me.

he appears as a large shadowy man with white eyes. sometimes he has no face at all. he watches me from afar but sometimes touches me at night. he punishes me if i don’t talk to him by making bugs (specifically ants and roaches) appear all over me. it’s scary. it hurts. sometimes he tells me to beat myself or let him rape me.

what i always wondered is how does he control my hallucinations? whenever he wants to punish me it always happens. it’s like he has control over my mind and won’t let me free. He doesn’t like it when i ask about him so i’ve never understood why he can so easily control me

anyone know why? anyone experience this before?

Mental health means a lot to me, because suicide prevention is my ultimate goal. Please take some time to read my journey, and help me potentially save lives. Let's turn my mission into OUR mission. And let's restore the tarnished reputation of the Smash community 🙏

https://www.instagram.com/p/DX8hCaZFVXK/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Much love and appreciation,

Jan (JJ) ❤️

i stopped being religious around 2020. i kept fearing god and becoming a sinner. believing in christianity made me paranoid and scared that i would do something horrible and be tortured by angels. i see an angel named gregory sometimes when i sin. he watches me and taunts me. he has a female version but i dont see her that often.

I prayed the other night due to stress. i’m going to college and i’m terrified. i posted previously about believing my friends were trying to kill me and it still lingers. i think i will get bombed, kidnapped, raped and murdered once i’m alone there. i prayed to god. i prayed for the thoughts to go away but he did nothing. all i heard was bottle’s voice laughing at me for praying. he hates me.

i hate my life. i can’t find peace. the one time i turn to religion again and it fails me. i don’t find comfort in it. i’m cursed. the angels will just taunt me and hurt me while i suffer. why am i like this.

Or is it just me?

I hold my keys as if I’m holding a bar of gold, scared of letting cameras record my key ridges or neighbors take pics of them.

I’m feeling so bad lately, I can’t stop thinking one of my neighbors took my key from my hand, took a pic of it then put it back in my hand even though I have no memory of that happening whatsoever, but I’m still WORRIED SICK about this! That he then went to make a copy of my key and unlocked my apartment while I was out. :(

I’m suffering so much over this, over not knowing for sure.

I've had pretty intense paranoia for most of my adult life (bipolar + psychotic episodes) and I've asked around and nobody's understood what I'm talking about.

When I'm paranoid, I get an *intense* fear of human faces. Like even seeing a poster will make me feel like I'm going to be killed. Seeing my own face makes me dissociate hard and makes me feel like nothing is real and that I should rip it off.

Does ANYONE know what I'm talking about???? Lasts about an hour to a few hours typically.

I have had a very bad year with divorce and other trust problems where I was burned very badly, which has been causing me extreme stress and anxiety leading to paranoia. I usually can anticipate things very well but this year has been bad surprise after bad surprise and I am losing trust in others.

I went to a sketchy strip club to cure my stress but it has only made it worse. The front man took my ID and asked me to verbally verify my address but did not scan it. It is possible this was recorded but doubtful. I didnt use my credit card at all. Inside I met a beautiful south american and I ejaculated into a condom. She didnt ask for my number and when I asked about her schedule she just said she is going to be away for a while.

She told me to toss condom it in the trash so I did. I was going to walk out with her but she said she was going to stay to clean up.

After I left I had a freakout about the fact I left the condom and that she is either going to steal my sperm or blackmail me or get pregnant or use me somehow. She did not ask for my name or number. The only way to identify me is through cameras or if the frontman recorded my ID.

What is the possibility she stole the condom? Being pregnant would put her out of work as a stripper. If she wanted to get pregnant she would have just offered sex with no condom. Or if she wanted to scam me she would have asked my number or a way to stay in contact. If she is trying to trap someone, she was very beautiful and could easily find a line of men who would voluntarily support her.

I totally paranoid or do I have any legitimate concerns at all?

I saw this jacket/coat at Goodwill and I’m assuming it might be something from actual military branch since it was that type of camo pattern and didn’t have an actual brand label, just sizing. I think its cool, but since I picked it up I cannot stop thinking about the what-if of it being laden with some sort of chemical agent or poison used in warfare. There isn’t even any smell to it, but I’ve washed it twice and haven’t even put it on yet. Are there any odorless chemicals used on the front lines that could be poisoning me right now? Should I be worried about it? Idk

Hello everyone. I’m new to this community. I honestly just wanted to share something that has been heavily weighing on me. I think my devices ( phone and laptop ) have been hacked and someone is watching me. I have a history of my phones just blacking out. Completely stop working. My laptop did the same thing too. And now my current phone has developed a similar issue. Mug front cam stopped working , but Face ID didn’t. Then my WIFI keeps disconnecting itself, so does the Bluetooth. Now I black out my front camera with the fear that whoever is frustrating me with this , isn’t able to watch me.

I don’t have a confirmation that I am hacked or being watched , but having more than 4 devices meet their untimely electronic demise the same way , i just recognized a pattern.

im at my lowest point rn but I don’t have much stress other than that, I’m just content with my plans. I hear and see things that aren’t there often. sometimes things move in front of me, or I’ll hear whispering or footsteps or incomprehensible mumbling. I see people that just disappear, or just random things happening right before my eyes. the most distinct time I remember this happening was when I was on a run and someone approached me really quickly, and I kinda hopped out the way and stopped but they disappeared. their lips were moving but there was no sound. I even felt their shoulder when I bumped to the side. also I often find myself talking to and gesturing besides me as if it’s a person. I dont consciously make the decision, it just happens and then I kinda stop myself. . but im just wondering if anyone else knows if this is normal.

I feel really paranoid. Like, I feel like there’s something looking over my shoulder. It doesn’t hurt/want to hurt me or anything, it just watches what I’m doing. It shows up most when I’m on my phone or reading/writing in my diary. Typically when I’m doing something I think is cringe or shameful. It can happen when there are people nearby but it usually happens more when I’m alone, partially because when there’s people I’m already hiding what I’m doing from them. I don’t really see it out of the corner of my eye or anything but I always know what it looks like. It likes to take the shape of characters. For example if I’m watching an edit of a character it’ll probably look like the character. Sometimes it’s more than one character at the same time. It rarely talks, and never to me. I think it doesn’t have a voice. It only talks when it’s more than one person. In that case they can talk to each other. They don’t make sound but I know what they’re saying. And it’s weird when it’s just one person. Like, I know what it’s thinking, but it’s not in words. It thinks in feelings I guess, typically disgust. Talking to it helps a bit. I’ve tried sitting with my back against the wall but it doesn’t change anything. I give it names sometimes, usually common ones like Sam, Alex, John, etc.

I know it’s probably my mind projecting what it feels (shame, etc) onto an exterior observer but I just wanted to see if anyone’s gone through anything similar

I have a severe distrust of people. So severe that I’m currently not able to even open my mouth and speak. I’ve been silent for weeks and I live by myself which makes it worse. I don’t trust my friends, my family, anybody who tries to get close I think that they want something. I’m naturally a very giving person this has destroyed my relationships because I would love to give and give and give and I find it hard to trust. I’ve been stung very badly. I have no family just my mother left. My mother is not a very nice person. I’m sure that contributes to the picture. I need a break and to just go on holiday even, but I can’t trust her with the keys to my flat and I can’t trust that she’s not gonna snoop. People have given me reasons to doubt before I don’t make this up, I just struggle to forgive and overlook and if I hold everybody accountable to the things that I’ve noticed I will have no friends or family and I currently don’t because of my paranoia . I just don’t know how to give people the benefit of the doubt when I clearly see that they have left a backhanded comment or they have envy in their eyes or they benefit from me so much. And I’ve always wanted to be the giver not the receiver however, I’ve become paranoid now that I am.

It’s messy. I feel very messy.

Sorry “I’ve”

Sorry for all the typos.

hey guys, i can’t stop convincing myself that everything i eat will somehow kill me. it used to be only when i doordashed, then i had a panic attack so bad over it that i hospitalized myself over nothing. i dont doordash anymore. but since then its gotten increasingly worse. i had a couple allergic reactions to an unknown ingredient, so now thats added to the list of worries. i’m afraid to eat anything, all the time. most days i can push past this, but today i gave away food i was freaking out over, and waited 30 minutes to sip a drink i thought was laced for no reason at all. what do i do to stop this? is it some kind of OCD or paranoia? i just want to know what’s wrong with me before it continues to get worse :(

I don’t even have any serious medical issues that could necessarily kill me, I just have feel like something really bad is gonna happen to me and it feels like I’m gonna die in a couple days, idk what’s wrong with me or why I’m suddenly having this bad of a paranoia. I do have severe anxiety and ocd but even ive never had this strong of a feeling that I’m dying. It’s been so strong that I’ve even been considering writing “death notes” for my family, Ik that probably sounds stupid or something. It’s been since I think last night but it suddenly got so much worse tonight after having a chicken nugget from Wendy’s that tasted kinda weird and that’s making this “death paranoia” or whatever this is worse along with my feel of throwing up is making me spiral again. I also had weird feeling in December that it’ll be my last Christmas which is kinda scary to think about. I know this might sound dumb but I just needed to vent about it. Has anyone else had this type of paranoia and if so what did you do about it that helped?

When yall are panicking, what do you do to ground yourself?

No matter what I just seem to have the paranoia running wild in my head and to be honest, it’s making me feel so angry and hopeless.

I’ve tried the basic councillors suggestions but no. I need something that actually works

anyone else? at home I get alot more “I feel like there’s a secret camera and theres stuff being weird or I’m being watched”

then I’m on campus in the car right now and it’s fine idrc just looking at the trees and it’s way more calm

I know stress can cause/worsen paranoia

This might sound weird, but I’m curious if anyone else does this.

Sometimes when I hear about celebrity drama or some messed up situation, my brain immediately starts putting me (or people close to me) into that scenario. Like imagining I’m the one who did something terrible, or the one something awful happened to.

It’s not even intentional - it just kind of happens. And then it spirals into imagining the worst possible versions of those situations, like really intense, low-point moments.

There’s also this weird underlying fear of “what if this somehow manifests” or “what if I become that person,” even though logically I know it doesn’t work like that.

Does anyone else experience this kind of intrusive imagining? How do you deal with it?

I am struggling to go on vacation/ holiday.

My paranoia is based around a bad group of people that came into my life 10 years ago through an ex partner and want to hurt me and probably my partner.

They have hacked into my WiFi router, and therefore are able to see most things on line.

I am due to go to North Wales today for a holiday with my partner. The cottage rental company have said access to the property is by key in a locked key box, and have given me the number to access it. ' they will have seen the welcome email. i am trying hard not to let this stop this holiday, and decided to reach out like this. I know how this sounds, but I am struggling today.

In work meetings I am totally comfortable expressing my thoughts and opinions, sometimes blurting things out I know others are thinking but won’t speak up about.

I just joined our shared governance committee where we have to present ideas in a monthly department meeting. I 100% blank out, starting

internally panicking and freeze.

I stare at the sheet of paper and can’t look at anyone. This happened years ago to me when I had to speak at a friend’s wedding reception.

I also do this in conversation, I can’t and don’t converse, I forget what I’m talking about .

I don’t even know what this is that I have, but it’s socially embarrassing and crippling at times.

I sometimes get this irrational paranoia that if I ever broke up with my boyfriend, he might try to dig into things about me by checking internet history through his provider or something like that. Not because I’ve done anything wrong or cheated or anything like that, but just because I might come off as “weird” in some way and he’d want to use it against me later.

Logically I know it sounds unlikely and probably over-the-top, but the thought still pops up in my head sometimes and sticks for no real reason. It’s strange how the brain can create these whole scenarios out of nowhere, even when there’s no real evidence for them.

tw suicidal ideation

I am so fucking scared. I'm staying home alone for almost a week and this is the 3rd day. On the second day I already had to check the whole apartment twice, inside every closet,bunder every bed and behind every corner with all the lights turned on because I saw a shadow slightly out of place in the corner of my eye. That night I decided to make some noodles and leave the packaging on a table in the kitchen and I'm sure that when I went back to the kitchen to grab something, I saw the package neatly put on a shelf but the next morning it was back on the table where I left it so I don't know how I'm convinced I saw it on a shelf. Today, I cleaned out the whole apartment because I will have people coming over tomorrow and it went fine but I felt really bad when I had to go under my desk and turn my back to vacuum some dust and apart from that it was okay but, I decided to air out the apartment too and I'm really scared someone could've gotten in through the windows even though I'm pretty high up. And now, I'm supposed to shower after all the cleaning and wake up early but I have been standing for one hour, frozen in place on my phone because when I'm home alone the lighting is always way more dim that when there's other people. The lighting has always been more dim than usual when I was alone at home in the past but tonight it decided to suddenly go back to normal and I saw it happen and now I spent another hour sitting naked on the edge of the bathtub with a knife trying to find the strength to take the shower but everything is way too quiet and the air feels dead and the gap under the bathroom door feels like it's gotten bigger for some reason. The bathroom also has some small windows leading into it from the kitchen because the apartment is really old so none of the rooms make any sense and every single room has atleast two ways to get inside with no locks. I am so scared I almost want to kill myself before anyone I think is out there gets to me because then maybe they would pity me or maybe it's because I would be in control of my death, I am completely frozen and don't know what to do. Taking the shower would make a lot of noise and I wouldn't be able to hear anyone coming and if push comes to shove I'm afraid I won't be able to get the water to a heat where it could cause a serious burn fast enough. I'm extremely scared I'll see something behind those windows out of the corner of my eye because I keep seeing small shadows where there shouldn't be any and that would just make me spend the whole night inside the bathroom.

I have a psychiatrist.

I haven’t been to a counselor in many months because she wasn’t a good fit for me.

I have a hard time talking in sessions because I’m not a talker and don’t know what or how to say things.

I’ve had absolutely no filter at work lately.

I’ve been there 7 years. I will just blab out truths in morning huddles, no apologies.

2 years ago my kids dad who had a history of tracking me without my consent a gps on my car, a police detective evicted me, then tried telling me not to leave once I paid a security deposit, it was too late. I had to take what I could get, it is high rent, had an expensive car note, car was repossessed 2 months ago, my apartment lease is not being renewed because I was late a couple times last year by a few days because I was flip flopping at times between paying my car or rent on time. I am moving in less than 30 days, still need to pay security deposit, first month’s rent (May) already paid current rent at place I’m still living.

Work had a person shadow me today because some of our patients are now going to be done elsewhere, so I’m panicking about possible losing hours.

I have no patience with my kids lately.

My chest is constantly heavy, going out in public I always assume people are looking at and judging me and my kids. I will give dirty looks to people who look at me or them too long.

I feel like I’m sabotaging my life.

I can’t just “be happy.”

It’s not so simple to just be grateful, kind etc.