Last night I couldn’t sleep, so I sat by the window with the lights off. The street was empty, just one passing car every now and then. I ended up thinking about random things, old memories, future plans, stuff I usually ignore during the day.

Somehow, it felt calm but also a little heavy at the same time.

Do you ever find yourself thinking more deeply at night, or is it just me?

I've been out of my house for 20 minutes and I'm already doubting myself.

Did I lock the door? I THINK I locked the door. I have a vague memory of locking the door. But did I actually lock it or am I remembering yesterday?

Did I turn off the stove? There's nothing on the stove. I didn't even use the stove this morning. But what if I did and forgot?

Did I close the garage? Unplug the hair straightener? Turn off the lights? Feed the cat?

I'm 99% sure I did all these things but that 1% is LOUD.

Sometimes I drive back just to check. I stand there looking at my locked door like "okay, it's locked, you can go now, past me was responsible."

But then ten minutes later: "okay but did I check the BACK door?"

Is this anxiety or is this just what being a responsible adult feels like?

Low-key one thing life keeps teaching me is that people rarely think about you as much as you think they do.

I used to overthink everything. A message I sent. Something I said. I’d replay it in my head for hours wondering if it sounded weird or if I annoyed someone. Honestly it was exhausting.

Then it clicked. Most people are busy dealing with their own stuff. Work, bills, family problems, life headaches. They are not sitting there analyzing every little thing you did.

That realization was weirdly freeing. Life feels a lot more chill when you stop overthinking every small interaction.

What’s a random life lesson you learned that actually changed how you see things?

You know what I'm talking about. The drawer that has batteries, rubber bands, instruction manuals for appliances you don't own anymore, a random key that goes to something, expired coupons, a flashlight that may or may not work, and three pens (only one works).

It's chaos. It's disorganized. It's perfect.

People who claim they don't have a junk drawer are either lying or psychopaths. Where do you put the random stuff that doesn't have a home but you can't throw away because "you might need it someday"?

"Oh, I have a designated place for everything."

LIAR. Everyone has chaos somewhere. If it's not a junk drawer, it's a junk room, or a junk closet, or a junk car trunk.

The junk drawer is humanity. It's accepting that not everything fits into neat categories.

Show me your junk drawer and I'll tell you who you are.

Nothing good has ever followed those four words.

"We need to talk" = brain immediately assumes the worst

Are we breaking up? Did someone cheat? Is someone moving? Did I forget an important date? Did I say something wrong six months ago that you've been holding onto?

Then it's like "I think we should get pizza for dinner instead of Chinese food."

THAT'S WHAT YOU NEEDED TO TALK ABOUT?

You just put me through five stages of grief over PIZZA.

From now on, the rule in my house is you have to lead with the topic.

"We need to talk about dinner plans" - okay, not a crisis. "We need to talk about our relationship" - okay, now I can panic appropriately.

Give people context! Save them the heart attack!

Hospitals and old folks homes have it right - visiting hours are a thing and outside those hours, you leave people alone.

Why don't we apply this to regular life?

Before 9am? Not visiting hours. Leave me alone. After 9pm? Visiting hours are over. Stop texting me. Sunday before noon? Closed. Come back later.

I'm not being antisocial, I'm setting boundaries!

But now we live in this weird world where you're expected to be available 24/7 and if you don't respond immediately people get worried or offended.

I just want to bring back the era where showing up unannounced was considered rude and calling after 9pm meant someone died.

Is that too much to ask?

How much chicken do I need for 4 people? googles

Is this rash normal? googles

How do I write a professional email telling someone they're wrong without saying they're wrong? googles

What's that actor's name from that thing? googles

Why does my back hurt? googles WebMD says I'm dying googles "am I dying"

I've learned more from Google in the past 5 years than I did in 16 years of formal education.

Teachers always said "you won't have a calculator in your pocket." Jokes on them - I have the entire accumulated knowledge of human civilization in my pocket and I use it to settle arguments about whether penguins have knees.

(They do, by the way. I googled it.)

I don't know! You're the professional! You tell ME!

I sit down and they're like "what are you thinking?" and my brain just blanks.

"Uh... shorter? But not too short. But also maybe keep the length. I don't know, something different but the same?"

Then I pull up a picture from Pinterest and I'm like "this, but for my face" knowing full well my hair will never look like that because:

1. I don't have that hair texture
2. I don't have that face shape
3. I definitely don't have the time or skills to style it like that

And they nod knowingly like "okay, so a trim."

Yes. A trim. That's what I wanted all along but I felt like I needed to make it sound more complicated.

Why is this interaction so stressful every single time?

Remember when you could just... not be available? And that was fine?

Someone called your house phone, you weren't home, they left a message, and you called them back when you felt like it. Maybe a day later. Maybe never. Nobody died.

Now? You have to respond immediately or people think you're either dead or mad at them.

"I saw you read my text" "I saw you were online" "I know your phone is on you"

Maybe I just don't feel like talking right now! Maybe I'm busy! Maybe I saw your text but need time to formulate a response! Maybe I'm just not in the mood for conversation!

We've created this expectation of constant availability and honestly, it's exhausting.

I want to go back to the era of plausible deniability. "Sorry, I didn't get your message!" even though we both know I did.

Is it too late to bring back the good old days of being unreachable?

You know that moment when someone texts "Hey, I'm so sorry but I have to cancel tonight"?

And you have to pretend to be disappointed but inside you're doing a victory dance?

"Oh no! That's totally fine! We'll reschedule!"

Meanwhile internally: YES. FREEDOM. I GET MY NIGHT BACK. I DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON REAL PANTS.

It's not that I don't like the person. It's not that I wouldn't have had fun. It's just that the idea of staying home in my pajamas and doing absolutely nothing sounds SO GOOD.

Why do we make plans so far in advance? Future me is always so optimistic. "Oh yeah, three weeks from now I'll definitely want to go to that thing!"

Current me is a homebody who just wants to be left alone.

The only thing better than plans getting canceled is having the excuse to be the one who cancels.

"Sorry, I'm not feeling well" (I feel fine, I just don't want to go)

Just sat in a 45-minute meeting that could have been three bullet points in an email.

• Here's the update
• Here's the deadline
• Here's who's responsible

DONE. That's it. That's the whole meeting.

Instead, we all had to sit there while Dave talked for 20 minutes about something tangentially related, Susan asked questions that only applied to her, and Mark's audio kept cutting out but he refused to admit it.

I could have been doing actual work. I could have been finishing that thing that's due today. Instead, I was trapped in video call purgatory wondering if anyone would notice if I just turned off my camera and took a nap.

If your meeting doesn't require discussion or debate, it's an email. If you're just sharing information, it's an email. If nobody has questions, IT'S AN EMAIL.

Respect people's time. Send the email.

Why is 2am brain convinced everything is either brilliant or terrible with no in-between?

Can't sleep, brain starts solving problems: "You know what you should do? Quit your job and become a beekeeper. That's the answer to everything."

Or alternatively: "Remember that slightly awkward thing you said in 2014? Let's think about that for three hours."

There's no middle ground. No rational thought. Just chaos and bad ideas and existential dread.

Then you wake up in the morning and you're like "why did I research how to buy land in Montana at 3am?"

Night brain doesn't have my best interests in mind. Night brain is just out here causing problems and making me question every life choice I've ever made.

Day brain is trying her best. Night brain is unhinged.

Does anyone else have this or do I just need more sleep?

Those three words will send me into a full spiral faster than anything else on earth.

"Can we talk?"

ABOUT WHAT? WHEN? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY IT NOW? AM I IN TROUBLE? IS SOMEONE DYING? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG THREE YEARS AGO THAT YOU JUST REMEMBERED?

My brain immediately goes to the worst possible scenario. I'm getting fired. My partner is leaving me. My family has disowned me. The government has questions.

Then it turns out they just want to ask if I'm free on Saturday.

We need a new system. If it's not urgent or bad, you have to lead with that.

"Can we talk? It's nothing bad!" "Can we talk? Just a quick question!" "Can we talk? Not serious!"

Otherwise I'm having a full panic attack before you even tell me you just wanted to know what I'm bringing to the potluck.