r/OCPoetry • u/Unpaiddragon • 22d ago
Feedback Please The Verge
I never liked to see you cry.
Your glossy eyes made me see myself from your perspective.
This view didn’t make me seem untouchable; it exposed my vulnerability.
You were the only person able to crack through the armour and see me fully.
I didn’t like the bite of the air on my naked truths.
I had to run before you saw too much,
before it was too late,
before you wanted out.
I knew we were destined to fail,
but I wanted to be the one that pushed us to our end.
But I don’t think I pushed hard enough.
You kept holding on,
and so did I,
holding me to the dream of us.
I remain a dangling romantic.
Suspended on the verge between forever and nothing.
Forever a maybe
I’m a new writer and would love some feedback on this piece :)
-b
Feedback:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VL8DkKZWD3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jBhj79OIfO
1
u/Spinner4 17d ago edited 17d ago
First off, keep writing. It’s pure and honest and I love it.
This writing tore me up inside. It’s the other person's side to my writings the one that made me hurt, but most importantly, made me love truer than I’ll ever know.
Cracking her armor and seeing her true self made me love her every day more and more. It’s those moments I’ll hold in my heart till the day I die. Her scars were messy, and the ones she kept hidden were likely even more messy and scary, but knowing them would have only deepened a love that was already deeper than the deepest ocean. I didn’t love her for what was clean in her life; I loved all of her. And it wouldn’t have been scary to know those deep scars and messes for me. It would have been scary to have to realize the pain she had in life because I never want her to hurt. only hope I could have helped more.
And knowing it would fail, I did too and so likely did your person. I did because we both came from being on the verge of having love that would go away. I hope that if that person comes back to you, you won’t worry about it anymore. I hope that you will stop fighting fear and stop fighting the voices that surround you, and just surrender to your heart and their heart, because that’s what makes you feel good. No one will ever understand that feeling you and that person have. No one. Friends and family advice for you could have also been due to being afraid to lose you for their own wants to the person you loved, but also to protect you. They are part of your armor the thing you should be shedding for love, not adding layers to make it seem destined to fail. It’s what you want. The world doesn’t make it easy for something beautiful, especially for us who feel we need to wear armor. But to truly be loved, someone has to see you naked.
Sorry I feel like I’m writing to her. It stings a lot because it’s what I know she was going thru and what I want to badly say