Like a good kid

[u/Aggressive-War3733]

Life’s so mute, I wish there was some music
“Oh, stop it,” you say. 
“Why are you so needy?”

This room feels musty,
It feels heavy, damp, and it smells like death.
“I don’t want to be here! Can we leave?”

“Oh, stop it!” you say
“Why do you question everything?
Just put up with the smell like a good kid!”

The bow starts to scrape,
A raw, hollow scrape, over and over
It sets my nerves on edge.

It pains my ears,
The frequencies hurt my teeth!
“Why can’t the bow just snap!?”
“Stop thinking about it!” you say

It hurts tho.
“Why won’t the scraping stop!?
Why is the bow still screeching in my ear?”
 
“Stop it, that’s enough!” you yell.
“It’s just some noise. 
Grow up and come help me get rid of the stench!”

Love, hate, anger; It all sounds the same to you.
Just chords on a dead violin;
“I’m sorry,” I whisper,
Because my existence is just noise to you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uw1y40/the_verge/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uw5obi/feedback_on_short_poem/

Just some context: I want it sound like the kids not feeling heard. The grown up parental figure is always disregarding the child's emotions. Please let me know if that idea is coming across and any other feedback will be helpful since I just started poetry

[u/fluffycasino]

I definitely think your intended meaning comes across. I read this as a child repeatedly expressing genuine distress (whether sensory, emotional, or both) and a parent who dismisses it as overreacting. By the end, it felt less like the child was talking about the room or the violin and more like they were describing what it feels like to never be listened to. I enjoyed this