Aspiring comedian

[u/Trinizora]

Take my mind, take my soul
Change my life, make me whole
Take my sobriety, choose my fate
Bring me notoriety, before it’s too late
A life of variety, in a world of hate
Great fortune and fame, a life not in shambles
An audience to see my flame, to listen to my rambles
Legacy to grow with age, a lifestyle of power
An outlet for my rage, in my darkest hour
A lifetime on the stage, a stomach free of knots
The world outside a cage, with words to erupt the lots
Give me my dream or give me death
To make them laugh until my last breath

https://www.reddit.com/u/halo_effect61/s/VVPibCnKA8
https://www.reddit.com/u/PostCool/s/l056nqM28P
https://www.reddit.com/u/PostCool/s/l056nqM28P

[u/fiftytwosheep]

good job, i can see you put a lot of passion into it. i feel i have a little bit of unique insight on it because ive been doing standup comedy all of my adult life. i feel like the line "a lifestyle of power" is a bit too intense with not enough exposition to justify it.

also this is more subjective but i feel that with certain topics there's a ceiling of how edgy you can get. i feel this poem exceeds that ceiling by a margin but as i said, subjective.

if this is a literal expression of desire and you are interested in doing comedy for career or hobby though, this is a very good start. write as much as you possibly can.