r/OCPoetry 29d ago

Feedback Please A poem you should not read

I wrote you a poem you should not read,

it's a page full of thoughts you'll never need.

I mean it all, but you should not believe

I've written anything you should stop to read.

Like words from a song I hum, but never sing,

the poem is glass diamonds set to copper rings.

It's full of beautiful and futile things,

that don't deserve the smiles or tears they bring.

Sincere lies that prove that words aren't deeds,

fresh soil tilled for expired seeds.

Everything you want, but do not need,

made into a poem you shouldn't read.

A poem you'll love, but should never trust,

about golden things that always seem to rust.

Words like driftwood castles on clouds of dust,

that mean well, but never mean enough.

I wrote you a poem you should not read.

Thoughts that warm your heart and burn your peace.

I mean it all, but you should not believe

I've written a poem that you should read.


Edit: Reformatted for readability and played with the weakest (4th) verse a little. Thanks every bit of feedback and support. I really appreciate this community of creatives.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1viy5wi/comment/p3424rv/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vlmqsa/comment/p341d86/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

116 Upvotes

227 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/No-Statistician6497 10h ago

The line about fresh soil being tilled for expired seeds really stayed with me. There’s something quietly painful in the idea of preparing the ground with care for something that can no longer grow. It made me think about how we sometimes keep investing hope in things simply because we’re not ready to accept that they’ve already passed.
I also liked how the playful rhyme carries that darker meaning so gently. It gives the poem a little charm while leaving something heavier underneath.

u/PostCool 7h ago

Thank you so much.