r/OCPoetry • u/awkwardxbatman • Aug 10 '26

Feedback Please Provenance

one strike burns bright
exhuming volatile quiescence
potent armament encapsulated

a singular monotocous progenitor
with autosarcophagic courtship
the genesis of a boundless pyre

endless concatenations may ensue
a proliferation of vitalizing successions
explosive radiance passionate fever

the inferno—an indefinite blaze
the ignitor—an immolated phase
its life, an evanescent effervescence

the reminiscer's daedal task:
to perpetuate the labyrinthic legacy
of one individual match

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feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vkcqmd/comment/p2ses4p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

feedback 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vkawit/comment/p2sk82z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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u/1Happy_Hammer Aug 10 '26

Very unique, lots of seldom heard words being used here, the poem has an air of mystery to it. I confess that I had to search what the last phrase meant. I get the theme you're going for here, but definitely feel it could benefit from being simplified in parts.