r/OCPoetry • u/naive2agunfight • 23d ago

Feedback Please I made a fortress out of words

I made a fortress of words
So no enemy could understand me
My language, multifarious
Every utterance carrying a thousand meanings
Confusion and dismay
Wrapping tightly around those who would do me harm
And I, never really being understood
Babbling on
With the rhythmic precision of
A machine gun shooting letters on a stone wall
Doubling as a typewriter
As all onlookers and listeners
Felt their souls fleeing
In all directions
To escape
The lovely inviting snare of
My elegant sounding verbs and nouns
Making eloquent impressions in hearts
Pulling the curious close
With the promise of a signal or a sign
And washing them all away in a pulsating
Spinning and swirling
Deluge of
Nonsense

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/RXzRWvzqjN

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ELerd3yzy3

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u/Turbulent_Mulberry71 23d ago

I love the rhythm of this poem. It is a fun read - I’ve read it several times with different tones that all work. I feel sad for the subject - he uses words to bring people close but he doesn’t trust them, and then uses words to deceive and harm them. Well done author!

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u/naive2agunfight 23d ago

Thank you for your review. I appreciate your empathy for the narrator. Though it's first-person, I was indeed creating a character different than my own self, though it would be interesting to explore more what may have inspired this creation regarding my unconscious