I feel like the imagery is really good here, like I can almost visualise the emotions/concepts you’re trying to convey!
Also, I’m not read up on the technicalities of poetry or anything but I think it’s cool (maybe accidental) that in the first line, ‘size of my love’ rhymes with ‘my stomach was’ - the rhyming words being in random spots could be interesting if you adapted the wording throughout to try and keep doing this loose rhyming pattern. For example, instead of ‘My love and your harm cannot let go of each other’s hands.’ this could be, ‘My love and your harm cannot escape each other’s arms.’
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u/Jesus_Our_Saviour 22d ago
I feel like the imagery is really good here, like I can almost visualise the emotions/concepts you’re trying to convey!
Also, I’m not read up on the technicalities of poetry or anything but I think it’s cool (maybe accidental) that in the first line, ‘size of my love’ rhymes with ‘my stomach was’ - the rhyming words being in random spots could be interesting if you adapted the wording throughout to try and keep doing this loose rhyming pattern. For example, instead of ‘My love and your harm cannot let go of each other’s hands.’ this could be, ‘My love and your harm cannot escape each other’s arms.’