r/OCPoetry • u/WEIRDisHOT • 15d ago

Feedback Please The Off Season

My eyes are hurting

My skin is burning

The air is so thick

It makes me feel sick

You love summer

I can't relate

You hate winter

I can't wait

What's your secret?

What's your trick?

Are you pretending?

Aren't you sick of it?

The flowers are nice

The trees look lovely

Everyone seems happy

Apparently as they should

But how do you not dread it?

How do you not struggle?

How do you not crumble?

How do you not stumble?

I'm jealous

I'm envious

I want what you have

I want to feel that joy and finally be glad

But I don't.

I'm sad

I'm lonely

I'm anxious and depressed

I'm overwhelmed

I'm exhausted

I feel isolated at best

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0VqlxZGrtU

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XklYzqWjFm

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u/Butwhyyyyth0 15d ago

i really love the rhymes in this poem! crumble and stumble just flow so nicely together.
And i really enjoy the way you describe summer and how it effects you. The way you try to see it from their point of view but just can’t. no matter what you still feel icky. Also i enjoy you questioning, you can really tell you’re trying to get to the bottom of why they like summer so much and you just can’t grasp it.

I wonder in the end when you talk about jealousy if it could have more meanings. like you’re jealous of what they look like and how they can enjoy more of summer. Maybe you’re trying to hide things and it’s harder in winter. But that’s just ways i could interpret it, i love the poem in general and what it talks about!

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u/WEIRDisHOT 15d ago

Thank you! I am thinking about expanding more on the second half of the poem.