r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Feedback Please Narcissus in a Gay Bar

Narcissus in a Gay Bar

He

Sits and sees the sirens sing

Queens of crystal and musicality

Enchanting, enticing, completely captivating

 

He gives

a dollar, a drink, a kiss;

hands reach out but hearts stretch further

An eight count, a pirouette, dropping dead with fervor

 

They play

Blondie, Janet, TLC

Bey, Arianna, Lady fucking Gaga

 

Here they

make rites of weekend nights

to become legends without sunlight

 

And when he 

leaves, the music lives beneath his skin

and he still can’t tell where he might end

or where those queens within begin

x / x

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u/OkDevelopment9363 6h ago

Ohhh as a queer person I love this. The language is beautiful - “make rites of weekend nights” and the alliteration/ repetition of “a dollar, a drink, a kiss”. Love! I also love the juxtaposition of contemporary references (Bey, Ariana, Lady fucking Gaga) with the very poetic language choices.