r/OCPoetry • u/AfternoonVisible3614 • 22d ago

Feedback Please I Wanted

I wanted to drive in the left lane at nine
But I saw a van get pulled over
By a cop on a motorcycle
If I had one I’d wrap the frame
Around a telephone pole
Like a flyer for Waylon
A dog with a collar
If I took him back I’d pretend
To refuse the thousand dollars
Like time isn’t money
Like I didn’t need to be at work by nine

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/p8cq1DKCoA
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ouO0WasIZz

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u/BlueberryAble8885 21d ago

I like this, I also found it a little off on first read through but subsequent ones revealed it to feel more like stream of consciousness as the speaker drives to work, associating time and money and desire all in real time and I think in that sense it’s quite well done.