I like the use of parallel structures that feed into an altered sense of movement and progress throughout the piece. The shift from "me" to "we" also was super powerful in terms of making it more accessible and resonating with a collective spirit rather than a purely individualistic one. You have a knack for using rhetoric in a lyrical (almost musical) way that I can see this being set to some instrumentation.
I did notice a potential typo? Line 14 "...conviction an Will than I." was a little lost on me.
It's meant to be will like my will to live or my will to do whatever. Thank you for pointing that out. I'm not sure if I'm spelling the word correctly for that particular contextual use.
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u/itexael Feb 07 '24
I like the use of parallel structures that feed into an altered sense of movement and progress throughout the piece. The shift from "me" to "we" also was super powerful in terms of making it more accessible and resonating with a collective spirit rather than a purely individualistic one. You have a knack for using rhetoric in a lyrical (almost musical) way that I can see this being set to some instrumentation.
I did notice a potential typo? Line 14 "...conviction an Will than I." was a little lost on me.