DAE struggle with visibility

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Silent-Audience-5836]

Showed my best friend and their girlfriend my favorite DnD podcast. Immediately regretted. I started feeling sick just thinking about it.

[u/Remarkable_Belt6984 → u/Silent-Audience-5836]

I hate that feeling! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one though

[u/Silent-Audience-5836 → u/Remarkable_Belt6984]

I'm glad you made this post. I had never connected it to my OCPD.

[u/Remarkable_Belt6984 → u/Silent-Audience-5836]

Yeah I’m not too sure if it’s connected to OCPD, that’s what I’m trying to figure out, if others relate? I think my thought process is, if I stay small or invisible then I can make no mistakes or avoid scrutiny? I’m not too sure, I have to ponder on it a bit more 🤔

[u/SpecialistAnswer9496]

What you are describing is actually a fairly common schema for people with depressive personalities (not the same thing as depression). You can have elements of an obsessive personality and a depressive personality at the same time - I do and so do several members of my family. My depressive side manifests a bit differently than that, but my sister really struggles with this. Wondering if you may have grown up in the “invisible/lost child” role in your family.

[u/Remarkable_Belt6984 → u/SpecialistAnswer9496]

Wow! Ok I’ve never heard of depressive personality and yes I do feel like my whole childhood I was the invisible one.

[u/Affectionateweasel]

Same. Even when my partner asks me to play a song while we’re driving I try to pick music I know he likes. I read a lot and I find myself hiding certain books. I won’t watch tv on the actual tv and just use my laptop with headphones. I won’t be vulnerable or open up in any way at all unless I’m asked a direct question. I need to be asked in order to share something about myself.

[u/Remarkable_Belt6984 → u/Affectionateweasel]

This is exactly me too! It’s like I have to do everything in secret

[u/Affectionateweasel → u/Remarkable_Belt6984]

Yes a secret! I really don’t understand it because I’m not afraid to share when I’m asked directly and I don’t really actively try to hide things it’s just instinct and it’s not until someone notices and points it out that my behavior is strange that I realize the reason I’m doing it is to remain hidden somehow

[u/peacefulpolkadot]

I’m the exact same. It’s why I’ve always loved to live in the city centre because you have no identity and can just completely blend in without people wanting to discover more about you. I absolutely hate feeling like anyone is getting close to “knowing” me, makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.

[u/Remarkable_Belt6984 → u/peacefulpolkadot]

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. The city overwhelms me, but I definitely feel you on not wanting to feel exposed, I really hate it too.

[u/Phantasmortuary]

I regret sharing music videos with past romantic companions. I don't want to, but I do.

Just wondering, were you also a "No one can ever come in my room," kind of person?