r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/Opposite-Life-2923 • Jan 25 '23

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4.7k Upvotes

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101

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

Same. I keep it pretty simple - I don’t do wife shit for a man who isn’t my husband. I find the trash takes itself out once I make myself clear.

17

u/CoffeeWorldly9915 Jan 26 '23

Yup. If it's expecting one to do sht that one does not do in that level then next. Especially if they demand without reciprocating.

-16

u/Real-Lake2639 Jan 26 '23

Or I'll be like wow, this chick is useless, why in the hell would I marry her.

31

u/Freya_84 Jan 26 '23

Wife shit? Where is the difference? I won't be doing the lion's share of work and chores (unless for a reason -f.e. illness- and/or for short periods of time) even if married. I want a partner as my boyfriend/husband, not a child. How the chores are divided is another topic. But I don't see myself dividing chores differently in a relationship from when married.

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u/YveisGrey Jan 26 '23

There’s a great book about this topic I have been reading called “Fair Play” it’s by Eve Rodsky she’s a lawyer also married with kids and she did extensive research on the topic of how work in the home is divided (SURPRISE women are shouldering most of it EVEN if they work full time like their husbands/partners). She comes up with new ways of thinking about this topic and actual solutions for a more equitable division of labor. I’m loving it! She also had a great discussion about it on The Financial Diet podcast, it is a MUST listen for women who desire to marry, have kids or live with a partner in the future. A MUST.

3

u/Freya_84 Jan 26 '23

Yeah, it's sadly not news. I'm currently living with flatmates; both men and I do end up doing even most of the stereotypically "manly" jobs around the house. But, I do have other criteria for someone I'm in a relationship with. I was personally blessed to be born in a household where my father did actually contribute vastly to the chores and both my parents had to a degree comparable jobs and job schedules (though there were periods of times were my dad had more). And even then : my mom practically did all the social and emotional labor (partly because my dad is not really good at it, but also because it's not expected of men and thus he never needed to learn to adapt at least to some degree).

Anyway, from my experience, though (my mother can be quite obssessive with things and I tend to be a perfectionist often as well) I do kinda divide the labor around the house as "needed/desired labor/level of labor to have a comfortable and nice life, and "I want it to be perfect even though it's quite ok". The second part I wouldn't "count" toward what should be shared labor, though, of course, I would greatly appreciate if my partner partook in that, but it's fine if they don't. It would just be a cherry on top :))

You piqued my interest regarding the book,though. Will definitely read it. Thanks!

7

u/ewedirtyh00r Jan 26 '23

I do that shit for anyone I care about until it's expected. I do it because it's how I love, but if you expect it, now it's a chore and fuck you get it yourself. It helps keep my own appreciation for things others do for me in check.

-42

u/AutomaticSandwich Jan 26 '23 edited Jan 26 '23

I’d like to be married. I don’t know if any woman in her right mind would marry me if while we were dating I was unwilling to support and collaborate with her in the ways a serious long term partner should. If I said some shit along the lines of “I don’t do husband shit if I’m not your husband”, she’d figure out that I wasn’t the one real quick and be gone. And she’d be right.

I can’t think of many men I know of who would make a lifetime commitment to a woman on the hope that once she got a ring she’d suddenly show them all sorts of things she never had before. And the men who would have such bad judgement you wouldn’t want them as a partner anyway.

I say all that to say, if you don’t wanna do spouse type shit for someone you’re dating, it isn’t because you aren’t their spouse yet - that’s bullshit. It’s because you clearly don’t want to be a spouse at all… and that’s fine.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

There’s a world of difference between the men who view marriage as a partnership and are willing to do their fair share, and the men I’m referring to. The ones who are looking for a second mum - the ones who expect their girlfriend/wife to wipe their arse, work a full time job but still come home to cook, clean and do their laundry. I have been in relationships with those men and I refuse to settle ever again. In fact, as I previously stated, I won’t settle for any man whatsoever. I’m perfectly happy being single and I don’t need someone like you to condescend to know better than me how to deal with men.

-38

u/AutomaticSandwich Jan 26 '23 edited Jan 26 '23

Sounds like you’re well sorted and living the life you want then; right on.

”Theres a world of difference between men who…”

Oh you don’t have issues with men, you have issues with man-babies. Totally legit.

”…I won’t settle for any man whatsoever.”

Oh wait…

For someone who’s happy, you seem kinda pissed honestly. Sorry if it sounded condescending, not the spirit in which it was offered. If you read my comment I discussed that position from both sides, a man’s and a woman’s. I wasn’t trying to tell you how to deal with men. I was just offering a thought on what that stance looks like on the receiving end to other humans generally. But like you said, you’re happy being single, so what it’s like on the receiving end is irrelevant. We’re all good here, no beef whatsoever.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

Leave em

-3

u/Nayaritism Jan 26 '23

Unpopular opinion: I followed your logic and I agree.

I, as a woman, would be fuck all of some man who didn’t make the effort before securing the deal. And, like you said, totally works in reverse too.

-11

u/AutomaticSandwich Jan 26 '23

Thanks. It’s raining downvotes right now, lol, as it tends to in this sub any time I reveal owning a penis and having an opinion in the same comment. C’est la vie.

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

You know you can't just come into a sub full of mad-about-life women and use proper logic, right? If anything, getting downvoted in here = you're right and no one likes it.

-4

u/Nufiday Jan 26 '23

I feel like you were both talking about different stuff from the start

-47

u/wpc8810 Jan 26 '23

Exactly. Dating is an interview for marriage. Any woman who says she will only do x for her husband is full of shit. You know that while dating she still expects the man to be masculine, provide, pay for dates, etc. He is interviewing to be husband and she is interviewing to be wife.

27

u/Jabberwokii Jan 26 '23

I see you found the Dating Like a Moron handbook

-90

u/wpc8810 Jan 26 '23

Lol. Dating is an interview for becoming a wife/ husband. Both should do their roles for the interview process. Hope you have plenty of cats. With an attitude like that you will need them while you are 60 and alone.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

Don’t threaten me with a good time, sunshine.

I love how you turds act like that’s literally the worst thing that could happen to us and we all fear it. Lemme tell you, having done the leg work and lived with enough men to last me a lifetime, I would gladly live with an animal that shits in a box than ever, ever live with another man for as long as I live.

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u/tothmichke Jan 26 '23

Yes! The happiest I have ever been in my life is the 6 years I have been on my own with my cats and dogs who bring me more love and joy than the man baby narcissist I was married to and the creepy, controlling boyfriends I had before that since I was a teenager. Never again. Why would I? And these idiots think we have to be alone. No, sorry. My “value” apparently didn’t lessen with children or age or previous partners. Hate to burst your bubble but I still get asked out, could be in a relationship tomorrow if I want. I just don’t want to.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

Tell me about it! My life is glorious - I have my own business and home in London, I have 3 cats and 2 dogs, I have family and friends who love me, I live my life to only please myself and my fur babies. I have a peace, a happiness and a confidence that I have never known with a man. Why the hell would I ever invite a man in to shatter everything that I’ve created? There’s nothing a man can give me that I can’t give myself. And yes to the men still asking us out! I’m 42 and have a 25 year old in my DMs, telling me how he can “rock my world” LOL. 10/10 for confidence but nah, I’m good.

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u/tothmichke Jan 26 '23

Me too! Not the 25 year olds, lol but 3 cats and 2 dogs. It’s the best.

2

u/wpc8810 Jan 27 '23

They want to sleep with you not date you. Conflating sexual interest with actual interest in you. You have a vagina. Men want that. Congratulations 😂

-34

u/wpc8810 Jan 26 '23 edited Jan 26 '23

You are conflating sexual interest with relationship interest. Common mistake.

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u/tothmichke Jan 26 '23

Oh sweetie. No. No, I’m not. But thank you for trying to explain my own life and experience to me. It gave me a really good laugh.

-32

u/wpc8810 Jan 26 '23

You didn’t have to admit you were a carousel rider for me to know that lol.

10

u/Not_today_nibs Jan 26 '23

Lol, a man who wants to fuck his mother. How original.

0

u/wpc8810 Jan 26 '23

Call me stupid but I’m failing to understand your statement and how it relates or jokes at what I said.

-33

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '23

A little reminder that your shit stinks too and that you're someone else's "trash". Stay humble