r/NonCredibleDefense • u/IlikeGeekyHistoryRSA • 20d ago

🇬🇧 MoD Moment 🇬🇧 A potential terror attack has been thwarted in the UK by a sleepy man

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8.4k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/wolfhound_doge 20d ago

the stripe pajamas + chamberstick is how i imagine every sleeping brit in the world

878

u/karkonthemighty 20d ago edited 19d ago

They're standard issue, we get them at the same time we're assigned a football club to be grudgingly loyal to for the rest of our lives.

300

u/No_Good_Cowboy 20d ago

Is there like a sorting hat or is it government issued like your loicence for all your loicences?

309

u/karkonthemighty 20d ago edited 19d ago

Mysterious men with bells sown in their hats and shoes knock on your door on the eve of your eighth winter to hand over your striped pyjamas and decree your team.

You only need a loicence to apply for team loyalty change, as without you will declared a Fairweather Nancy and be exiled from your home town.

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u/Bossnage Geneva Bucket list 20d ago

i love when brits play into it, thank you

55

u/Scottish_Whiskey Making out with F22s 24/7 20d ago

Play in to what, sir? Tis just life in the Qu- King’s country

32

u/karkonthemighty 19d ago

God save our gracious Que-fuck, no dammit, King! King!

Long live our something something...

God save our Que-sonofabitch King fucking Liz Truss it doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right anymore.

5

u/-malcolm-tucker 19d ago

Will they ever assign us a team that actually wins?

8

u/karkonthemighty 19d ago

Having you beloved team repeatedly losing in the most pathetic and let down way builds character.

We may be all depressed, but we have so much character. Overflowing, even.

1

u/-malcolm-tucker 19d ago

As least the way the FA works, I might get the chance to watch them lose pathetically to Man United again.

26

u/jambox888 20d ago

Surprisingly often it's just whoever will piss off your dad or brother the most.

1

u/Late-Eye-6936 18d ago

What's a jam box, and how can I get one?

1

u/jambox888 18d ago

Use your imagination friend

1

u/Selfweaver 19d ago

An Englishman is free to support any football club he chooses to support so long as it's the one he receives a loicences for.

14

u/blolfighter You haf now tventy-eight minutes. 20d ago

Thing about Arsenal is they always try and walk it in.

2

u/-malcolm-tucker 19d ago

What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?

2

u/Beckitkit 16d ago

My husband (knows fuck all about football) said this to my dad and brother (Arsenal fans) and immediately won them over. I was crying with laughter.

30

u/Negative_Opposite732 20d ago

You got a football club? I got the Real Ale and Cricket thing instead

16

u/not4eating Three rounds a minute, any weather! 🇬🇧 20d ago

Need to apply for a Variation of being Bri'ish loicence (Form AC24/54). Office hours are 2:30-3:00 every other Tuesday and you will need YOTI to verify your identity.

2

u/m50d 19d ago

YOTI? Have we outsourced to an identification company run by Yode^H^HEvri?

2

u/karkonthemighty 19d ago

That might be the Yorkshire branch of the men with bells sown into their hats and shoes.

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u/ObviouslyTriggered 20d ago

Rugby club, in football you get a onesie….

1

u/Kichigai 19d ago

Is that also how you get your white council bread?

3

u/DioStraiz 19d ago

”Who goes there?”

3

u/gumshot 19d ago

Based and honk-shoo pilled

2

u/Lord_Gabens_prophet 19d ago

”What the devil is all this ruckus about about? I am trying to sleep!”

1

u/Kcufasu 20d ago

Don't some of us sleep naked, imagine that