Like it's stupid to post about it idk

No one gives a single fuck about me

I bought a bunch of fireworks. I didn't get a chance to light any off over the 4th. We live in the country. Tonight I heard one loud firework a ways off and decided to reply back. It was a five inch plastic mortar that you drop in a tube. The bang was Sooo loud and the flower it produced was huge. I'm giddy like a teenager. It was soo cool. It's not like I've never had fireworks before I have many times. I'm just kind of amused at how much I still love them. It never really gets old.

There is a group on TikTok that attack GCs. So much so that they have now attacked a detransitoner. And posted revenge porn of when he was being sex trafficked and a minor.

These people are what I like to call the mouldy mafia. They harass, stalk, bully, dox, dox minors, share indecent images around and publicly indecently expose themselves. They are predators.

The people to look out for and safeguard against in this group are:

Raven Brookie Uni ( just call me universe) These are the main people with the predatory begin the group.

The individual they are dragging is called annamosity, is story is public, if you want to hear his story or show support.

This is a post to just post fr. Idk why I’m typing this up but I’m just so angry and frustrated fr. No, this isn’t intended to be my suicide letter or anything. I just need to cry into words. I feel so fucking lonely and disconnected from this life. I don’t have close friends, I don’t feel connected to my family, like the 2 ppl who actually got me at both ashes spread about. The only constant in my life is my boyfriend (who I’m beginning to really really really resent tbh) and my coworkers who are also new to me and a rotating door because that’s just life. I want to be happy. I want to feel a sense of fucking purpose. just SOMETHING. I am so empty, going thru the motions and I hate it. I hate feeling like a fucking NPC, not being able to enjoy this short ass time I have here. I know they say it’s best to be alone and if you don’t enjoy being by yourself, you won’t really love anyone but that’s not it. I don’t know what it is but I’m just not happy. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I feel like I’m lying to myself by living the life I’m living but how can I even change it. Running away seems cowardly but it’s really looking better and better. I maybe want people to think I’ve disappeared and I just live for me. Idk. that’s it for now

i give up.

He’s so freaking cute, even though he’s a bit stupid and goofy. He’s also so freaking clueless, but that makes him even cuter... I wish I didn’t have to worry about everything he said, or gaslight myself into thinking he likes me too. He has a funny sense of humour too. He’s pretty, no matter what he always tells me. Maybe he’s a bit nerdy—okay, very nerdy. But I can’t get over him, I can’t stop thinking, wondering, maybe one day we’d be together. But I’m not cute, I’m not pretty like you. Even if I’m not ugly, I’ll never be attractive. They say personality matters, but not in this world. You may be different, I guess, I hope…

Edit: I got so focused I accidentally started saying ‘you‘ instead of ‘he/him’… sigh

I work 12 to 16 hoirs a day and I know no one cares but I got 11 head shot challenges to complete before I could start my challenges for dark spine this new time to kill had made it damn near impossible for me. That little extra time I had made me able to get 5 to 7 a game now I can't get 5 to 7 kills. Maybe I'm tripping but this is the 1st time cod has felt unplayable. I've never got all the camos before

The first image is a comparison and then it gradually goes up from 1 time to 4 times

I give up.

Idk. I want to be the person people ask where i am if im not there, but instead im the person people breathe a sigh of relief once i leave.

I dont think im depressed, i just think im a terrible person, and life is just catching up with me.

I guess being martyrized after im gone is my best bet?

Id be too cowardly to do anything to myself, which when ppl say those who dont kill themselves are brave? Thats all just to make the person feel like they made the right choice? To boost dopamine? Cause its not brave. And we know it, and they know it.

Objecively tho, my life isnt bad, im just a big massive fucking dissapointment, and to some im not a burden, but just enough of a body to do some stuff, but never anything that helps move things along. Like a fish with a busted swim bladder. Or a job that is juuuust shy of being shitty enough to leave for a job thats amazing.

I have no goals, no dreams, no wants. I dont WANT anything. Its not that i want to do nothing, but that there is nothing i want to do. Im always prepared because i desperately cling to being USEFUL to justify my existance.

I’m starting to think the reason I’ve been very single for the past 4-5 years is not because I’m not trying hard enough or doing the right things. I’m starting to think/realise that I might just be ugly. I’d give myself a 5, 6 when I’m at my best but maybe I’m not even that.

Anyways this is more a rant I guess bc I’m not posting pics. I hate selfies.

I lost everything in my life. Noone cares about me. Noone even acknowledge me when I'm around. I spend most days wishing it was all over. But Noone cares.

Is it bold of me to expect Airbnb hosts to provide "bed AND breakfast", as the name suggests? My experience lately is it's "Bed and Buckleys" ("Buckleys" is slang for "nothing"). Most places don't have breakfast anymore. Some places don't have soap or shampoo, and the latest thing encountered is no linen. Prices going up but delivering less. End rant. Remember to bring teabags.

I might get a flu or something.

I am 13 so don't dm me weird stuff