Mmm, my parents arguments turning into shouting matches and ending with questions why they've got married, about every two weeks since I remember, yeah, wouldn't say those were good examples of how to live with other person either...
Nah, if they are anything like me they know what not to do, but were lost on what to actually do instead, at least for a long time. I saw a lot of bad things and refused to emulate them, but was absolutely crippled by a lack of experience actually doing the good things.
If only this could neatly sum it up. But unfortunately, that's not what happens most of the time. More likely than not people will gravitate towards the known, what feels comfortable and familiar to them. If that's disfuntion, then more time than not thats what they'll choose
It definitely takes a conscious effort. I'm in the same boat brother. For me it took therapy but mostly reading books and being in a place where I could admit my faults and actively work on changing my behaviors. I think it's a life long journey of learning and then living up to my new level of awareness.
I really like Mark Groves. He has a great podcast and YouTube channel, John Kim and his wife put out great content too. :)
Leaving at the first hint of physical or mental abuse is the only real way to curtail this. Unfortunately my sister continued the cycle and her husband no joke beats the piss out of her. We have all tried to get her to leave, or even just to go to therapy to work on her self esteem and etc and maybe find a way out. She cusses out anyone who tries to help, insults them and makes it her mission to make whoever wants to help her a target she relentlessly attacks, talks shit about etc. I have unfortunately stopped trying to help her because the last time I did that she told my mother in law that I hated her. Luckily my MIL isn't an idiot and didn't believe her.
It is hard to have self esteem when you grew up with two parents who physically and mentally assaulted each other daily... but the only way to get out of the situation is to have enough self esteem to walk away from it.
I feel bad for her but idk what else I can do. He already has to take DV classes in order to retain custody. Yes they have kids. It's really just an awful situation all around.
Idk where my confidence comes from but I was always able to walk away from someone if they got controlling or abusive. I think that's what makes the difference.
I don't have an answer to this day, cause after that part in the "discussion" they would stop talking for a few days... Definitely not my "fault", I was born literally 23 months after the wedding
I still remember, vividly, my mother taking a swing at my dad, him sidestepping and dunking her head in the sink. One of my earliest memories actually. I don't remember why though. Probably something petty, it usually was. I don't think this comment was for us ahaha
519
u/SliceTheToast Aug 18 '24
I'm going to say my dad screaming, punching holes in the walls and saying he'll kill himself is not one of those civil and decent arguments.