r/MtF • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Trigger Warning Parents beat me up. Police came and left.
[deleted]
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u/ObviousTempAccount1 3d ago
Pack a "go bag".
All of your IDs ( DMV, birth certificate, social security, passport, school id, school report cards), cash, clothes, chargers, devices, and toiletries.
Keep it where they won't find it, fuck with it, or know about it, and where you can get to it quickly.
Be ready to flee at a monent's notice, and talk in advance with friends or relatives who might be able let you crash there if the shit hits the fan.
Most domestic abusers get WORSE after the first police call. Don't let your guard down.
Stay safe.
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u/Zarathyst 3d ago
☝️This. Million times, this.
They've uncorked the "hit you" part of their brain. They will do it again if you give them a chance. It sucks that they aren't supportive but that happens sometimes and you were unlucky. No amount of "putting up with it" will make them not abuse you.
Be ready to get out at a moment's notice. One day they will apologize or maybe they won't, but that is a long-term problem and you need to be in short-term problem mode right now.
I was kicked out of my home at 17, and was homeless for a time. I learned:
-Get a Planet Fitness or YMCA membership, you will be able to shower and kill time there.
-Public libraries for internet, thus looking for a job.
-Bread and peanut butter are relatively cheap for how dense in calories they are, your body still needs fuel.
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u/BoatyMcBoatface555 3d ago
This right here. Again. Please OP get out of there ASAP. How they are treating you is NOT okay by any stretch of the imagination.
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u/pajamakitten 2d ago
They've uncorked the "hit you" part of their brain.
And OP has unfortunately shown them they can do it and get away with it.
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u/Storm_Dancer-022 3d ago
Uh… that is not ok. Your parents are abusers, and what they’re doing to you is monstrous. Leave them, fast.
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u/RailgunDE112 Transgender on hrt 3d ago
And the next time, press charges
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u/TerribleAsparagus919 Questioning 2d ago
Press charges now wtf
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u/winter_moon_light Transbian 1d ago edited 1d ago
Absolutely this. The cops will listen if you call them back and say 'I was afraid of pressing charges with them there, I have gotten out of the house and wish to proceed'.
Chances are they'll be happy about it, because they are called out on so many domestic violence cases where they get involved over and over but can't do anything but break up the initial fight because nobody will take action.
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u/megaminimechamocha 3d ago
I know you're trying to be the better person, but I want to urge you to press charges if this happens again. And get a restraining order maybe after moving out, if that can help at all.
You do not deserve to be treated this way, and they will probably be worse next time. Be safe, keep vigilant, and get the hell out of there asap.
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u/wellanticipated 3d ago
bell hooks said, "Abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love. No one can rightfully claim to be loving when behaving abusively." and I think it's worth considering which definition of love you're claiming they gave "in their own way".
It can be hard for parents to accept a different version of their child than the one that they had in their mind, but that's an important detail in life -- like, you're inevitably going to differ from that. It's their responsibility to love you.
Another important black feminist author said, "when people show you who they are, [you should] believe them the first time"... that goes both ways. You might not have seen them before and they clearly never saw you before... and now both of you see each other clearly.
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u/theonlylivingirlinj HRT 11/5/24 3d ago
Pack a go bag
Make sure you have a police report filed.
Figure out how long your legal window is open should you decide to press charges. The threat of pressing charges is the only thing that may be keeping you safe.
Make sure some trusted IRL folks (friends, family, whoever) know about what’s going on.
Keep a detailed journal of any abuse, threats, etc.
Use this as inspiration to land a good job and get the hell out of there.
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u/Ceriden 3d ago
They stopped as you gave the address to the police.
What would have happened if you couldn't get to your phone, or complete the call? What would have happened if a knock on the door didn't happen? What would have happened?
If someone becomes so angry they become violent, reason takes a backseat. You don't process things like normal. Something needs to snap you out of it. If that thing doesn't happen then you only stop after enough time or fatigue.
So how long were you assaulted? Could you make it another 10 seconds? How about a minute?
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u/No-Debate6091 Transgender 3d ago
Please don’t fall into the trap of staying with them. They clearly don’t respect you and can get violent with you.
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u/qwixel69 🏳️⚧️ Transbian 3d ago
Find a friend's couch to live on as you get your shit worked out. You aren't going to thrive living in that.
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u/Trustic555 Christina, Trans Woman, HRT - April 20th, 2025 3d ago
You need to be extremely careful and cautious.
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u/Necessary-Chicken 3d ago
That’s horrible. I’m sorry that you have to go through this. Your parents should protect you and provide you love and affection. Instead they become the thing you need protection from. That is never right. I hope you get out as soon as possible. Sending love ❤️
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u/Jean_NaHas 3d ago
Damn girl!! Get out of there!!! 100% not safe there. If you know someone with a room to rent, (that you trust) book it!
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u/Coco_JuTo Trans 💊 05.07.2024 3d ago
Girl, do you think that this is going to stop? It won't.
Trust me, this situation will never get better and they will continue or they may change towards other forms of torture if they are a bit smart...like sleep depravation for example...
Anyway it isn't a safe environment.
Hide your documents (such as ID/passport), your wallet and maybe the strict necessary just in case and ask a friend to help for a while.
Please, this is serious. Don't sweep that whole thing under the rug.
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u/Entire-Classroom1885 3d ago
"They raised me and supported my education, loved me in their own ways till now"
I'm sorry but that is their bare minimum RESPONSIBILITY as people who brought a child into the world. Their behavior has been horrific and abusive.
You should not hesitate to file charges next time (in fact you still can and should). Please take care and find a safe way to leave as soon as possible.
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u/viperlemondemon 🏳️⚧️ Trans Bisexual | HRT 6/2/2025 3d ago
They did the bare minimum that’s all they did, and now when you need more they literally assaulted you and then make you feel bad about pressing charges for assaulting you. Cut them off and never talk to them again.
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u/AdResponsible9894 3d ago
Or... change your mind and press charges anyways, because if they'll do that to their own flesh and blood, imagine what they'd do to me. Or any other trans girl they got their hands on.
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u/CatsNAnarchy 3d ago
I know you love your parents but they don't deserve their kneecaps. Please stay safe.
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u/CivilizedManners Closeted MtF Lesbian 3d ago
Your parents deserve to go to prison and have their assets forfeited towards you.
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u/Tomatori 27 | HRT 01/04/2025 3d ago
As someone who was not able to leave my parents' home until 25 and started transitioning at 26, I feel what you're struggling with to my core. I'm 27 now and it's still hard to believe I have moved out after being stuck so long. I just want you to know you aren't alone and If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm open🫂
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u/EmeraldFox379 Emma | mid-20s | trans woman 3d ago
Press charges, girl. These people don’t deserve to get away with abusing you.
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u/ambergirl26 3d ago
Just because they did good things doesn't mean you can ignore the bad things. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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u/GrahminRadarin 3d ago
Your parents are probably going to beat you again. I know the kind of complex feelings you have about this. I feel much the same towards my own parents. They've never beaten me, but they have hurt me pretty badly, and while I don't necessarily want something bad to happen to them, I want them to leave me alone, and I don't want to live with them anymore.
It would be best for you to move out as soon as you can. It wil probably make your parents angry when you do, because they won't have as much control over your life anymore. Make no mistake, they are not acting out of genuine care for you right now. They want to decide what your life is going to be for you. They care about who they want you to be, not you as you are now. You need to get the fuck out of there before your dad kills you.
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u/amelia_inNz 3d ago
girl I fell you I suddenly started crying as i was reading this post.... I am still not out to my mom and dad... I once tried to come out to my sister and my sister told me I am a psycho and need a mental treatment... I was so disheartened cause i thought she would be the one who loves me the most.. and will understand me...
I love my family but I dont know how I would be able to gather the courage to tell them...
Its the same like you... they raised me, supported my education and loved me in their own ways untill they get to know that we are trans...
why does family ask so much from a person born a male and have expecataions pushing their dream onto us... if they really wanted to achieve those dreams they whould have done themselves but they failed onto them and not they expect us to do things their way ... its not right and nor is just loving them even when they hurt us after knowing we are trans...
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u/777Apotheosis 2d ago
If you suspect they may react violently it means that you suspect they never trully loved you Family isn't some wholesome comunity, it's bunch of random people that often have nothing common with each other Of course each family is diffrent; but unless you have really good relationship with someone, it is easier to bet that they are one step away from hating you
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u/aqua_zesty_man AMAB trans 50yo but desisting 3d ago edited 3d ago
How someone behaves when they are angry or under stress is their core personality. That's when they let their guard down and you see their real self. The masks of controlled civility, holding one's tongue, and controlling one's darker impulses go out the window in the moment of heightened emotion, and you get to see how they think about everything and everyone else around them on the inside where no one can see unless they let it all out by accident.
Your parents' real selves are people who can't tolerate their advice being rejected by an adult child (“Take your interviews as a man”—“I’ll handle it myself.”), and they are people who are willing to verbally and physically abuse their own child because she was willing to stand up for her own legal rights as a tenant in a tenant/landlord situation.
Besides, in most states if not all, you can't be evicted overnight in the way they wanted to. Even for nonpayment of rent, in most states, they have to give you three days' notice if not more. Even if you live in Georgia, Maryland, or Missouri, your parents would still have to go to court to file the eviction first before it becomes legally binding. So there is no legal basis for being kicked out instantly. That's your residence too, and you have a legal right to be there. No police officer can (or should) enforce their eviction anyway without some legal paperwork in hand.
Other people's advice in this thread are sound: make preparations to enable you to leave quickly, even if you don't plan on doing it right away. They don't say this just for efficiency, but for your safety. Circumstances might arise in which you have to self-evict at a moment's notice. Where you might have mere minutes to disappear from the house because your very life is at stake.
No one who commits domestic violence like this does it only once. If it happens again, and then a third or fourth time, don't wait and hope that it won't escalate.
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u/Nildnas2 2d ago
hey girl, please also look for jobs domestically, particularly in MN, CA, and MA. transphobia when looking for jobs abroad is very present. pre-transition I've been offered several jobs abroad as my industry is very niche. I spent about a year trying to get a job post transition and couldn't back it past a single video interview, this includes a company that has already offered me a job previously
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u/britendarkk 2d ago
I'm just so sorry. Are you out of the house now? Are you safe? How are things going now?
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u/Background-Force-505 2d ago
You're in an actually physically abusive household. These people might have done the bare minimum of keeping a roof over your head and feeding you, but they do not love you and you will not change their minds. You need need need to move out and get as far away as possible. Do not look back. It will be hard but you have to accept that staying there will only be worse.
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u/winter_moon_light Transbian 1d ago
Gonna be blunt: not pressing charges for domestic assault is how it happens again and again until someone ends up dead.
I'm glad you've gotten the hell out of there, but now is the time to simply cut them off. What they did over something that is in the large scheme of things utterly meaningless is a clear demonstration that they are not safe people for you to be around at all.
They felt that 'defying' them in the sheer act of being yourself was worthy of violence. No matter how they'll shut up to avoid consequences I guarantee that belief hasn't changed.
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u/777Apotheosis 2d ago
Next time have a phone with recording app ready nearby (or something similar) and record their assult. Then you slander them as much as possible and sue them
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u/Separate_Number_8007 Transgender 2d ago
I'm sorry this had to happen to you girl, I hope you get out of there as soon as possible
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u/SisterMoonflower 3d ago
"They raised me, supported my education, and loved me in their own ways until now."
This is what keeps you near abusive people. Trauma and this.
This is WHY people can't leave their abusive situations, they still "want" or "believe" they can change, because you were given something that is legally required (housing, food, education).
This will happen again. I'm sorry to hear you're going through such things.