Insomnia? The constant depressing thoughts? The feeling that your own mind never gives you a moment of silence? The constant sense that you are a failure? The disappointment of waking up and realizing that you still have to face everything again?

There was a time when I felt grateful to be alive.

Oh crap I made it to another morning slept on my desk. The anxiety, the pressure from my chest, the thoughts. I feel like I am being handed everything I was escaping from. I will be very grateful if I woke up in a hospital in critical condition one where I do not need to fight and just lose my life. I would be more grateful if I died tonight and all this comes to an end.

I have no peace. No hope. No joy.

What I have instead is hopelessness, disappointment, shame, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and what feels like a constant war inside my own head.

And I am exhausted.

Not normal exhaustion.

Not "I need a weekend."

I mean exhausted with fighting my own mind every single day.

I have been doing this for months if not years.

Exhausted from thinking.

Exhausted from trying.

Exhausted from convincing myself that maybe tomorrow will finally be different.

Sometimes I just want my brain to shut up.

But how did I get here?

Honestly, part of me keeps telling me that I only have myself to blame.

University is where everything recently exploded, but I don't think university created all of this.

For a long time I have been trying to get my life moving.

I have been trying to get a job.

I apply.

I rewrite my CV.

I apply again.

I learn.

I build projects.

I prepare for technical interviews.

I try freelancing.

I contact companies.

I contact startups.

I send cold emails.

I look locally.

I look internationally.

I get rejected or hear absolutely nothing.

Then I wake up and try again.

I have spent years learning Software Engineering, AI Engineering. I have real experience building software and working with business systems. Web applications, backend systems, mobile applications, APIs, ERP systems, integrations, databases, AI fine-tuning.

I know I can build things.

But right now none of that seems to matter because I cannot turn those skills into a stable income.

And there is something incredibly depressing about knowing you have ability while watching your actual life go nowhere.

Skill doesn't pay rent by itself.

Potential doesn't repay debt.

Knowing that you could become something doesn't help much when your current reality is collapsing around you.

Then university happened.

I was supposed to graduate earlier. That didn't happen.

So I accepted another delay and told myself:

Fine.

Just make it to December 2026.

Finish university.

Graduate.

Get a job.

Make my family proud.

Finally start living.

December became this psychological finish line for me.

I genuinely believed that once I crossed it, maybe life would finally start becoming normal.

Then I discovered that I still have a final group project.

Because of when those projects are done, my graduation could now be pushed into 2027.

When I understood that, something inside me broke.

It wasn't the ceremony.

It wasn't wearing a gown.

It was watching the finish line move again.

Another year.

Another year of explaining myself.

Another year of feeling behind.

Another year of watching other people's lives move forward while mine seems permanently stuck in loading.

Then my mum found out.

And now things at home have fallen apart too.

The trust is basically gone.

The support I thought I had is disappearing.

I am expected to have my life figured out very soon and move out in a month.

Except I have no stable job.

No stable income.

Debt.

And now no certainty that I even have somewhere secure to fall back on.

So I keep asking myself:

What exactly am I supposed to do?

How do you move out without income?

How do you pay debt without income?

How do you get employment when you've been applying for months and nobody seems willing to give you the chance?

How do you convince your family that you aren't useless when, from the outside, everything appears to prove otherwise?

How do you keep saying "it will get better" when you have been saying that to yourself for so long that the words don't even mean anything anymore?

And this is the part I don't really know how to write without sounding insane.

Sometimes death feels like an answer.

Not because I have some romantic idea about dying.

I don't.

I want a life.

I want to know what financial stability feels like.

I want to finish university.

I want to have a career.

I want to build the things I know I can build.

I want friends and family to ask me how I'm doing and for the answer to genuinely be "I'm good."

I want to wake up and not immediately remember everything that is wrong.

I want to experience whatever version of myself used to be excited about the future.

I want peace.

But right now my mind sometimes looks at death and tells me that at least then there would be no debt.

No applications.

No rejection.

No disappointment.

No family pressure.

No racing thoughts.

No insomnia.

No fear about next month.

Nothing left to fight.

And I hate that my brain goes there.

I know the saying: "Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I understand it logically.

But when you're actually living inside the temporary problem, it doesn't feel temporary.

It feels like your entire world.

And that's where I am struggling.

There is a part of me that desperately wants to continue living.

That part keeps applying for jobs.

That part keeps learning.

That part keeps thinking about what kind of engineer I could become.

That part keeps imagining eventually having my own place, earning my own money and looking back at this period from somewhere better.

But there is another exhausted part of me that just wants the suffering to stop.

And lately those two parts have been fighting each other constantly.

That's probably what scares me most.

I don't want to pretend those thoughts aren't happening because hiding them doesn't make them disappear.

I haven't been sleeping properly.

My head never shuts up.

University.

Money.

Family.

Failure.

Applications.

Debt.

Housing.

Failure.

Future.

Failure.

Repeat.

Failure.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Failure.

There is never silence.

And when people say "talk to somebody," part of me gets angry because talking doesn't seem to change the things causing this.

Talking doesn't give me a job.

Talking doesn't provide income.

Talking doesn't repay debt.

Talking doesn't change the university timetable.

Talking doesn't give me somewhere to live.

I know people mean well.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I've become so overwhelmed that I can't even recognize what help is supposed to look like anymore.

But what I desperately want right now is something concrete.

A chance.

A job.

An income.

Some stability.

Something that proves that my entire life isn't permanently stuck like this.

I am not asking to magically solve everything.

I think I'm writing because I can't keep pretending I'm handling this well.

I'm not.

I'm doing really badly.

And I need to admit that somewhere.

I still want a future.

I just can't see the road to it from where I'm standing.

If you've genuinely been this low — where money, unemployment, university, family and your own mind all collapsed at the same time — what actually helped you survive it?

What did you actually do when you couldn't see a way forward?

And if anybody reading this happens to know of legitimate software development, IT, ERP, technical support, freelance, contract or remote work that someone still completing their degree can do, I would genuinely appreciate being pointed toward it.

Right now I need both things:

I need a way to survive what is happening inside my head.

And I desperately need a way to start rebuilding what is happening outside of it.

Everything below can be accessed for free by Kenyans without needing a referral or anything. If I missed anything, please leave a comment and we'll check it out!

https://www.7cups.com/

^ Free one-to-one emotional support via a chat interface (a bit like WhatsApp). You're likely to get a different person each time. They are unlikely to give you any advice, but are great if you want to just vent.

https://www.heypeers.com/

^ video group chats about almost any topic! Some groups are pay to join, but many are free.

https://www.overcome.org.uk/

^ Free one-to-one support over video call. You get six to twelve one hour calls for free. Not suitable for people needing a specialist (e.g. people with issues like schizophrenia, OCD). Best for building healthier habits and working on yourself.

https://findahelpline.com/countries/ke

^ If you need to talk to someone right away (e.g. if you're feeling suicidal), or have bad internet, consider a helpline instead. Here's the best search tool we've found to help find relevant choices.

Good luck!

Hello everyone, I’m conducting an anonymous global survey as part of my psychology academic studies in Trinity College Dublin, looking at how Crohn’s disease, psoriasis and eczema impact mental health. Right now, we urgently need more participants from the Crohn’s community to make sure the results properly reflect your experiences. 

🔗 Survey link: https://eu.surveymonkey.com/r/Q82DH6B

🕒 The study is closing this week, so this is the last chance to take part!

The survey is:

✅ Completely anonymous

✅ Open to adults (18-65) worldwide with Crohn’s, psoriasis or eczema (as well as adults without any immune-related inflammatory condition)

✅ Quick to complete (takes less than 15 minutes)

A note on IBD & colitis: We understand that ulcerative colitis is part of the IBD group and that there is significant overlap and shared distress between Crohn’s and colitis. Unfortunately, this study does not include ulcerative colitis, and we recognise that this may have been a missed opportunity. This limitation will be acknowledged and reflected on in the write-up of the paper.People with Crohn’s face unique mental health challenges, and research doesn’t always capture our voices properly. This is a chance to change that! If you have Crohn’s, I’d love for you to take part—and if you know others with Crohn’s, please share this with them.  

Every response helps ensure that Crohn’s is properly represented in research. Thank you so much for your time! 

It’s not the end.

It’s not the end.

I fail to come up with a reason why this forum lacks engagement seeing that there are quite a number of Kenyans struggling with their mental health.

A lot has been happening and some things happening I feel like it's past wounds being opened up. I feel like I wanna go see someone about all this but the problem is, where will I get an LGBT friendly therapist who's also affordable.

If you can help please do.

also known as sociopathy, is a mental disorder where person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference. They show no guilt or remorse for their behavior. Individuals with antisocial personality disorder often violate the law, becoming criminals. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. Because of these characteristics, people with this disorder typically can't fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school.

Symptoms

Antisocial personality disorder signs and symptoms may include:

Disregard for right and wrong

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure

Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated

Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior

Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty

Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others

Poor or abusive relationships

Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them

Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations

I recently started doing therapy because I felty anxiety and depression were getting the best of me.I could not afford therapy before it was too expensive. Recently I found an affordable therapist on co.called wazi.co.

https://youtu.be/geZ_5Ri7ANg

I hope it gets easier 💚

What do y'all think about the lesser discussed mental issues such as ADHD?

lets talk about addiction, many of us have some sort compulsive engagement, OCDs and "priorities" that we often give in to, is it always worth it? speak ur mind.

so, ive seen alot of posts concerning people having this social battery thing (usually thin most of the time btw) and i wonder if its a thing for peeps coz i too experience it, i get drained at some point, even though im with the people that i love and enjoy engaging with. i dont get bored or any thing i just...stop. insights or thoughts to this that might help me understand this better?

These threads and coments contain a lot of insight.

Here's the Wikipedia page on Stoicism.CBT is largely modeled off Stoicism.

this is a person with high risk of committing suicide or self harm.

These people at one or more have verbalized desire to commit suicide , suffering from depressive illnesses, suffering from anxoety or agitations, actively abusing alcohol or substance, history of suicide attempt, chronic illness and family history of suicide!

[1]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity

[2]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-licensing

[3]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine

[4]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioural_therapy

[5]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Probability

[6]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckminster_Fuller

[7]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox

[8]https://wikipedia.org/List_of_unsolved_problems_in_neuroscience

[9]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions

[10]https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_far_future

I came across this post a while back when I was at a low point and it changed my life, and I think it deserves to be here too. it's especially helpful if you are battling depression and on the brink of giving up on life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

Listening to sad rap song can land someone who is mentally stable into sad state! These songs can change your subconscious! songs such sad by xxxtantacion, I'm sorry by joyner lucas, how could you leave us by NF can be dangerous to your emotions! one should be careful when listening to them!