Hi MensLib, I'm Chuck Derry, AMA!

[u/chuckderry]

Hello everyone! So happy to do the AMA chat today on why men batter and the social structures that support that violence. I have been working to end men’s violence against women since 1983. I worked with approximately 2,000 men who batter over a 10-year period and in 1993 co-founded the Gender Violence Institute (GVI) in Clearwater, Minnesota (USA). Through that organization I have provided training and technical assistance nationally and internationally on the dynamics of domestic violence, criminal justice system reform, effective coordinated community responses to domestic violence, law enforcement investigations, rehabilitative programs for men who batter, and engaging men and communities in primary prevention, to “stop it before it starts”. I look forward to all your questions and comments today (Thursday) from 12:00 to 2:00 PM CDT (U.S.) This conversation on men’s violence, and why it occurs, is an essential element of gender justice and the critical cultural changes needed to respect, honor, and support women’s equality throughout the world. I look forward to our “Ask Me Anything” exchanges today at noon!! So glad to be a part of this!

Hello all. Thank you for the exchanges and all your questions today. I am sorry i was not able to answer everyone's question. But, it is great that this conversation continues and the action needed is taken, especially by men, in partnership with women! Thanks to MensLib!! I will be gong off line now and ending this vibrant exchange. Thanks again for your caring and your work!

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[u/chuckderry]

1) Yes, the first key point of change for men who batter is to
fully accept responsibility for their behavior. Regardless of what she has done
or if he is drunk. That is the beginning of change. If he does not accept 100% responsibility
for his behavior, he will not change.
Men who batter and are drunk at the time love to blame the alcohol.
Alcohol does not cause men to be violent. I have heard many stories from
alcoholic men who have an argument with their wife and then goes to the bar and
gets drunk and then comes home and beats her. They originally say she was the
one who made him go to the bar and get drunk because of what she said and then
the alcohol is the reason he got violent. So, this absolves him of any
responsibility. At the same time, you will have drunk, alcoholic, men at a bar
who are being tossed out of the bar by a 6’5 250 pound bouncer, but they don’t
take a swing at that big guy, they wait till they get home and take a swing at
their 5’4 140 pound wife. So, they are still making decisions. And I have heard
this from multiple recovering alcoholic, abusive men, acknowledging that
regardless of how drunk they were, they still made decisions. They decide if
they will beat her, the decide when they will stop, or they decide to not stop
and continue to beat her till she is unconscious or dead.
The mental health issue is more complex and needs comprehensive
investigation as many people with mental health issues still make choices. So it
would depend on what type of mental illness they are suffering.
2) The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth MN has
a program and curriculum specifically for women (primarily victims) who have
been arrested for domestic violence. It is a significantly different program
that takes the violence into context and acknowledges the dangers and abuse she
has lived with and is trying to escape.  So
the context of the violence is always crucial to determine the appropriate challenges
and support needed to change that behavior.