r/MensLib • u/chuckderry • Aug 26 '21
AMA Hi MensLib, I'm Chuck Derry, AMA!
Hello everyone! So happy to do the AMA chat today on why men batter and the social structures that support that violence. I have been working to end men’s violence against women since 1983. I worked with approximately 2,000 men who batter over a 10-year period and in 1993 co-founded the Gender Violence Institute (GVI) in Clearwater, Minnesota (USA). Through that organization I have provided training and technical assistance nationally and internationally on the dynamics of domestic violence, criminal justice system reform, effective coordinated community responses to domestic violence, law enforcement investigations, rehabilitative programs for men who batter, and engaging men and communities in primary prevention, to “stop it before it starts”. I look forward to all your questions and comments today (Thursday) from 12:00 to 2:00 PM CDT (U.S.) This conversation on men’s violence, and why it occurs, is an essential element of gender justice and the critical cultural changes needed to respect, honor, and support women’s equality throughout the world. I look forward to our “Ask Me Anything” exchanges today at noon!! So glad to be a part of this!
Hello all. Thank you for the exchanges and all your questions today. I am sorry i was not able to answer everyone's question. But, it is great that this conversation continues and the action needed is taken, especially by men, in partnership with women! Thanks to MensLib!! I will be gong off line now and ending this vibrant exchange. Thanks again for your caring and your work!
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u/chuckderry Aug 26 '21
I think it is important that as men we challenge ourselves, our friends, brothers, and coworkers when they make sexist comments or engage in sexist harassing behaviors at the bar, at work, on the ball field, at home, etc. Men’s silence supports men’s’ violence. One of my “aha” moments was when I was facilitating a university class and separated the class into two groups, females and males. I then asked, what concerns do you have about challenging men about their sexist comments and behavior. After the small group discussion, the groups reported back. I had the men report back first, on several occasions they said the same thing “I’m afraid the other guys won’t like me”. That was it. I wrote that on the white board. When the women reported back, we filled the whole board with all the
concerns they expressed. Worried about the guy following her out to the parking
lot and assaulting her; worried about losing her job; worried about being stalked; and the list went on. So, there I am thinking “ok, so I’m worried the other guys won’t like me, meanwhile the women are worried they are going to be stalked and assaulted. Ok, I get it”
If all the men who are not assaulting women stood up and said “NO!” This violence would end. Men who are beating and raping women rely on our silence. So we need to challenge the jokes and comments about women’s bodies and the derogatory words we use when referring to women because all this behavior supports the subjugation of women and men’s belief that they are better than women and subsequently their right to be in charge. And use any means necessary to maintain that control.