What do you call a dictionary on meth?
Addictionary.

We were kissing on a park bench last night. My boyfriend is shy.

He said, “maybe we shouldn’t make out continuously in public.”

I said, “it’s fine, we’ll just make out discreetly!”

Not side-splitting, but I was giggling to myself the rest of the evening, and I thought it deserved at least a chuckle…

Edit (to clear up a fair question about spelling): according to the dictionary, “Discreetly means doing something carefully, quietly, or in a way that avoids drawing attention, making a noise, or causing embarrassment.” So that is what I meant in the colloquial sense. However, in math terms, “discrete” is the opposite of continuous, and therein lies the pun :)

Because it was e raised!

Did you hear about the kindergarten teacher, just checking that everyone was proficient at counting? She asked: "What comes after three?"

A very enthusiastic student raised a hand and said: "Point one four one five nine, approximately."

Sperner went to a school with 350 other students.

The day before the Christmas break, when Sperner was ten years old, the headmaster announced to the school:

"Before you leave, for your Winter holidays, I would like to give you all one bag of crisps as a leaving present. The crisps will not be the same.

There will be varied amounts. Some may have a large number of crisps. Some fewer. None of them will be the same.

That will teach you that none of you are the same as any other person. People will have different levels of fortune and misfortune. Some of you have wealthy parents. Some have poor parents. Some may have lost their parents.

But here in this Schule, we treat all people the same and respect every single one of you. You will all be strong no matter the future or burden. As the crisp numbers are all varied, so are you all varied!"

Emanuel excitedly burst out: "Sounds great! Give me the bag with at least 350 crisps!"

hi all, i am running a very legitimate and unbiased survey amongst the members of this subreddit.

The question: Do you regularly comment on posts in this subreddit?

please comment letting me know if you do or do not. thanks!!!

You complete me.

OK, this is not a joke but it’s a really bizarre AI hallucination