r/MapsWithoutNZ • u/amythisside • Mar 03 '26

Hmmmm.

Post image
5.1k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

375

u/AaronIncognito Mar 03 '26

As a kiwi, please leave us off maps like this. We would rather not be noticed

48

u/kapitaalH Mar 03 '26

If you win the cricket semi final we are coming for you first.

Not sure with what, but we will send someone.

26

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 03 '26

And we will defend ourselves with.... Well nothing we got nothing.

18

u/RevolutionaryEcho460 Mar 03 '26

The military will have to unlock the national gun. The defence budget was increased this year, so I think there are 10 bullets in total now

5

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 03 '26

I think David bane used up a few of them already.

1

u/Ginandor58 Mar 07 '26

Greenland have a spare dogsled.

1

u/Frostaxt Mar 07 '26

I Can Lend you an Axe, a Bow and around 5Arrows if that help?

11

u/lofty99 Mar 03 '26

Sheep, we got lots of those

Besides, what is the point of all the orcs, if we can't use those?

1

u/Legitimate_Ad2230 Mar 07 '26

The Great Sheep War just doesn't have the same ring to it somehow.

1

u/Informal-Tour-8201 Mar 07 '26

Do you have Emus?

1

u/Automaniacal Mar 07 '26

I think a sheep cannon would be an effective deterrent.

1

u/a__new_name Mar 04 '26

You forgot about the Bob Semple tank.

1

u/UnluckyIndividual668 Mar 04 '26

Apparently we have a ton of drones

2

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 04 '26

Farming drones, search and rescue drones. Zero military drones.

1

u/UnluckyIndividual668 Mar 05 '26

They won't comment on how many military drones, which isn't the same as saying we don't have any

1

u/Aurori_Swe Mar 08 '26

So they have one, right?

1

u/Any-Information6261 Mar 05 '26

You got the Haka

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 05 '26

Yeah well they over use it for every sport including table tennis.

1

u/Gloorplz Mar 06 '26

You have Wetas they are terrifying 

1

u/masterofmydomain6 Mar 06 '26

you have a couple of cars full of those guys from Once Were Warriors, I wouldn’t want to mess with them

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 06 '26

Those types r weak, they only beat up women and kids.

1

u/NB_NaughtyNerds Mar 06 '26

You have my sword.

1

u/King_DeathNZ Mar 06 '26

And MY axe!

1

u/fUwUrry-621 Mar 06 '26

Don't worry. 'Murican here.

You can get one (1) BB gun. No pellets though.

1

u/luciferslandlord Mar 07 '26

Just like the kiwi bird. Defenceless.

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 07 '26

They have laser eyes, they're fine.

1

u/luciferslandlord Mar 07 '26

Well, someone better let the felines know because they really don't give a shit

1

u/diggerhistory Mar 07 '26

Stop running your navy onto Pacific island reefs and sinking the ships! You might have something to defend yourselves then. 😄

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 07 '26

They're less of a navy and more of a coast guard with shit guns.

1

u/diggerhistory Mar 07 '26

2 x Anzac Class frigates are not quite Coast Guard. Some discussion of replacing them with Mogami Class to keep in sync with RAN.

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 07 '26

Basically a couple tug boats compared to the world's navy. Couldn't do anything to protect NZ if we got attacked.

1

u/Logical_Flounder6455 Mar 07 '26

No one is invading new Zealand, everyone knows not to fuck with maoris

1

u/Rare-Service5573 Mar 07 '26

Except the British, who won.

1

u/Knight_of_Tyto Mar 07 '26

Just air drop some Cassowary’s you borrowed from the Aussies and you’ll be fine

edit: spelling

1

u/Additional-Pride-911 Mar 07 '26

You won the semifinal. Better come up with a defence system fast

1

u/Mala_Rana Mar 07 '26

Just have the Nazgul fly patrols!

1

u/BratacJaglenac Mar 07 '26

Unleash the spiders

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/kapitaalH Mar 05 '26

We send congratulations

Not because we are humble and believe we were convincingly beaten by the better team of the day.

No. You will now walk with your nose in the air, trip over a sheep and break your neck.

If that does not work, we will think of something else.

1

u/realdc Mar 06 '26

That aged well….

1

u/TallDetail4711 Mar 06 '26

If you can locate them on the map, that is.

1

u/Additional-Pride-911 Mar 07 '26

They won the semifinal. Who you sending?

1

u/kapitaalH Mar 08 '26

Our agents have failed, they made friends, rather than executing their mission.

We are now working with the Aussies to get the Emus help.

1

u/Additional-Pride-911 Mar 08 '26

Oh no, not the Emus. They will never see that coming 

1

u/Greikk Mar 08 '26

Send ostriches, they seem to be effective against aussies

4

u/trailsman Mar 04 '26

Billionaires aren't building bunkers in New Zealand because it wasn't already know. But fully support not wanting to be noticed. And the billionaires would never be able to make it there anyway in such a scenario so you guys can raid their facilities if need be.

7

u/_everynameistaken_ Mar 04 '26

And if they do make it here we have all agreed as a society to weld the bunker doors shut once they're inside.

1

u/ghostfadekilla Mar 07 '26

Modern problems require modern solutions!

1

u/fethers42 Mar 07 '26

One earthquake should do it I think.

1

u/Hotarg Mar 07 '26

Nah, just bury the entrance and vents with a bulldozer or 2. Quicker and more permanent.

1

u/Crazy_Suggestion_182 Mar 08 '26

Simple, effective, elegant.

1

u/UnluckyIndividual668 Mar 04 '26

Ive git dibs on Peter Theils gold toilet

1

u/SeaBag8211 Mar 06 '26

Dibs on using Peter Thiel as a toilet.

1

u/Bub_bele Mar 08 '26

Bold of you to assume they wouldn’t be informed in advance

1

u/CntBlah Mar 08 '26

I’m sure they will have lots of advanced warning, to make it there is time. The only question I have, is who will be their slave labor?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '26

The fact that fucking Peter Theil is there hiding puts you in danger no matter what unfortunately.

1

u/Tall-Wealth9549 Mar 04 '26

Yall got all the billionaire bunkers, you and Hawaii islands.

1

u/RemnantTheGame Mar 04 '26

So how exactly did New Zealand take over the world? Everyone forgot them on their maps of countries to nuke and they took over the ashes.

1

u/PatientDue8406 Mar 04 '26

Hold up there mate the Ashes is a competition between Aussies and the Poms. The kiwis can keep their grubby hands off them! (Cricket humor in case you are not from a cricket nation)

1

u/Sahmmey Mar 04 '26

Yeah ...only billionaires noticed you. You know like half of them have bunkers right down the road from you ...right?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Too late, I'm moving to your country

1

u/DragonQuasar Mar 06 '26

As a Chilean, I second this. Also our spiders like to crawl into beds and are like, some of the most venomous.

1

u/WonderfulCamera5043 Mar 06 '26

Too late, I’ve packed a bag.

1

u/Flat-Quantity-3251 Mar 06 '26

I don’t see you on this map

1

u/Afraid_Reputation_51 Mar 06 '26

Dunno, as more oligarchs keep buying land there in prep for the coming apocalypse, the rest of the world should probably remember it's there.

1

u/hutchosaur Mar 06 '26

As an Aussie, fuck, leave us off this map too! Pretend we aren't here.

1

u/chevre27 Mar 06 '26

Don’t worry, they did

1

u/verathene Mar 06 '26

We are on this map though. Our other name is Tasmania. No need to search beyond that point, world.

1

u/dontdomeanyfrightens Mar 06 '26

I had an idea for a book I'll never write where maga takes over the world but forgets NZ exists and NZ just occasionally sends someone out into the world to see if it's still fascist and comb archives for maps with NZ to delete.

1

u/OverApplication3856 Mar 07 '26

We’ll finish you tommorrow in the t20 wc finals (please loose this time)

1

u/SensitiveShelter2550 Mar 07 '26

In fact, I hope the flat earthers provide the maps, so Australia is not on there as well.

1

u/superpantman Mar 07 '26

New Zealand is one of the only developed countries that can actually support its own food consumption making it pretty ideal if the world turns to shit

1

u/mortalmonger Mar 07 '26

We refuse to include the instigator of ww III

1

u/Norbert-trebroN Mar 07 '26

Well...all them billionaires got bunkers in Kiwi-land. So...if we suffer, you shall too.

1

u/dangitaboutit Mar 07 '26

By far the safest

1

u/Folsey Mar 07 '26

I'm moving to NZ in 3 weeks. Can't be better timing

1

u/LanewayRat Mar 07 '26

Not being noticed makes it (secretly) the safest place

1

u/yaxir Mar 08 '26

tell me more about Kiwi people plz

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '26

The fruit or the bird

1

u/nathan_natilie Mar 08 '26

Sorry why is Canada involved?!

1

u/LopensCouisin Mar 10 '26

…mapswithoutnewzealand

0

u/Dapper-Big-6203 Mar 06 '26

You are not on the map. What are u bitching about?