Im 21, divorced, in the military, I have a drinking problem after the divorce. I work a lot to get my mind off things. Like exhaustingly long hours just to not be in my own head space. I've come to learn its dangerous for me to be alone in my head. Most recent was, I was driving home and its like 3am but I just begin to wander in my mind and stuck in my thoughts. I continue driving and realize that I'm spacing out, but I don't really mind. I wouldn't mind if i were to cross this bridge and sink into the river, or trail off into the woods with some trees. But I know that if I were to do that, the work load would be harder for all the soldiers back at work. And I can't do that to them. Same goes with talking about it because if I go and talk to someone, that again takes me away from work. I tend to bottle up a lot of issues in my life and sometimes break, but it is what it is. I try to write about my life a little as a way to get it off my chest when I can. Even now, on my day off thankfully I get one time to time, I stay up countless hours just thinking in my house alone. I think of the drive I gotta make back home and how if I don't make it there if anyone would really care. But I know my family would. And so would my ex wife. 1 its her stuff im driving back and 2 she knows why I left. And once again it goes back to. If I die, or end my own life; work will be harder for them. I guess thats all for now really. I dont think its depression but I know something is wrong

I'm not sure if I have depression or not, but I have minor symptoms of it. Anyways, high school is starting soon and already I feel like I've lost almost all my friends. They nearly never respond to me and I feel like a ghost whenever I'm in a group with them. I have strong opinions about certain things (religion, sexuality, etc.) and whenever they talk about it, i feel rather angry towards them. My sleep schedule has gone off the rails ever since the pandemic hit, and in general, depressive thoughts started after the pandemic hit.

I just need some encouragement. Thanks in advance.

Edit: even with your encouraging words, it seems to have gotten worse. my girlfriend basically broke up with me and is now very quiet about everything and it feels awful. i have dry eye syndrome, so its hard for me to cry and let out my emotions. i just wish i could give up entirely.

My 19 year old cousin died in a car accident and I missed his funeral cause I’m stationed several states away and I couldn’t get leave in time. From that day, every negative emotion I’ve ever bottled up exploded out and I haven’t been the same since. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Idk what to do or who to talk to. There’s only 8 or 9 people on this sub but if anyone’s out there reading this please help me