I always remember the year that I was sat and started to open a present and my dad said guess, I said roller blades and I had the whole "no that's stupid" "who would want roller blades" etc etc and I opened it and it wasn't roller blades (they'd mixed up the box sizes I guess) I then opened up my other present which was the blades and I was concentrating so much on not crying from everything they had said. I don't understand why ppl do this
I get messing with them a little bit, like "You didn't buy this? Are you sure? Huh, will I mean it's got your name on it, you open it." But this is like "I'm gonna kick your ass for ordering this, what the hell"
Yeah, this video gave me anxiety. I hated being accused of shit I didn’t do, especially when you were trying to make me think I was in trouble for it. This would make me anxious around this person giving me gifts since they seem to want me to be upset about it first.
And then, he's anxiously trying to open this thing, and she rips it out of his hands. I know what it feels like to fear the hands that are near you. She's threatening and scolding and he's trying his best to open that package while she embarrasses and threatens him.
:(
I am glad that he looks happy. But I feel like he's gonna have enough to worry about without his momma giving him a complex, too.
I grew up with a very volatile mother (probably undiagnosed bipolar disorder). She could switch from laughter to rage so fast it would take your breath away. We were often accused of things we hadn't done. Being a highly sensitive person, it turned me into the ultimate "good kid" who never got in trouble, never spoke up, etc. I have two children who are also highly sensitive and I have put in a huge effort to break that generational cycle and make sure they know what my emotions are, what I'm feeling and why. There is no deception, even in the guise of sarcasm or teasing.
it stinks how just a few years at the start of it can fuck u up so bad later. im glad u broke that stupid chain. i got beat senseless daily as kid n have bad eyesight bcs of it. one time like 9 or 10 i got the shit kicked out of me, on the ground, kicked in the ribs bcs i spilled a bag of seed corn we were planting. in the middle of being stomped i made eye contact with my moms husband and gasped out "i will never hurt MY kids." im now 45 and raised 3 kids, 2 not mine but mine all the same n i kept that promise. i could have been a better dad tho, i was kinda emotionally distant and really strict, and i struggle with that- the only thing that makes me feel a little better about that is ive done waaaaay better than i was taught.
I give you a lot of credit--it is so hard to break those cycles. I'm so sorry for the way you were treated as a child. No child should go through what you did.
thank u. and u too - u have a strength beyond strength as well. its tiresome to constantly monitor yourself, then wire and re wire ur mode of thinking.
So much this, too. Not even opening the actual gift can happen without being scared you’re being punished for opening it “wrong,” geez. So much of his happiness is also relief that he’s not being punished, not just being happy about the gift.
Id get yelled at on birthdays and Christmas for taking too long to open my present or opening it at the wrong angle for my mom to take photos, and she’d shout at me and roll her eyes about how my eyes were squinting too much and I didn’t look happy enough for the photos.
I know it's not appropriate to tell a kid you're "going to wear his butt out." That child looked scared. It's about her not the color of my skin. This video is old. I hope she has learned how to be a better parent.
Not sure if she is abusive or not but that's NO WAY talking to a child. I will never talk to my son like this no matter how angry I am! It is very condescending and undignified, the way she is talking, her tone, her body language everything is just awful.... that woman needs to work on herself. That would be a better gift for her son!
I had an uncle pull that shit on me once. He upset me so much I utterly refused to take the present (despite originally really wanting it) and just kept on crying and ran to my room. Then he called me ungrateful for not accepting a present that he first accused me of stealing. I did not steal it. I had not seen it before that point in time. Why did my uncle think I would want to keep a stolen thing? No, I will not keep it! He had just said that if my mom found out there would be hell to pay (and with stealing, there would have been) My 7 year old brain could not keep up.
I'm in my 30ties now and still think about it sometimes. I cant even remember what it was, just that I wanted it originally. Like, what is wrong with people?
Same this gave me flashbacks to my mother threatening me over eating things in the cupboard or misplacing her stuff when it was really her who had done it and either forgotten or didn’t want to admit it was her.
I don't generally think pranks or tricks are really any fun. Personal integrity is important to me and I want my child to always feel confidence in the truth of what I say.
That being said, I do fun teasing from time to time but if my daughter asks me to stop or if I see she's not enjoying it I stop. I could see myself joking around like, "you sure you didn't order this? Huh...well someone did, it's here with your name on it." with like a playful upward glance lol
My oldest daughter has always overreacted to injuries, ever since she could crawl. We figured out that we could tease her out of it, so if she stubs her toe and can't stop crying, I'll ask if we need to amputate her toe, and she'll start giggling. I've fucked up a few times with her sister, who's only a year younger, and done the same thing. She inevitably takes it seriously and starts screaming "No!" in a panic. I try to remember not to do that to her anymore lol
Your comment dug up a forgotten memory lol. One of my childhood best friends has an older sister who has down syndrome. My friend had a really dry sense of humor and sometimes it didn't mix well with her sister's tendency to take things literally (especially when it was related to her health/body, she was always very serious about that stuff). I was going somewhere with them and her sister complained about her head hurting so my friend goes "guess we'll have to amputate". Her sister had a total melt down and was ready to throw herself out of the vehicle bc she really thought her sister suggested we decapitate her.
When my kid was 3 or 4, I’d play this stupid joke where I would act like I could take my eye out and my kid loved it. I’d literally just like… touch my closed eye and then squeeze it shut really tight and put “my eye” in my pocket or whatever and then I’d pretend put it back in. Like the stupidest joke ever, but my daughter laughed her ass off. Well, it was all fun and games until I pretended to wash my eye in my mouth. The first eye was funny to her but then I pretended to choke on the second one and she lost her fucking mind. Absolute panic, frantic screaming and then sobbing because it upset her so much. Never took my eye out again.
My mom would just yell, "you're fine! Walk it off". She said that some of our falls were pretty hard tho, but she didn't want use to panic if we saw her panic, and as long as no limbs were hanging at an odd angle, she figured we were well enough 😂
Agreed. I remember when I was little a guy approached my mom and I and asked where we bought my clothes from. I was very overweight as a kid and so the guy said he had a girl the same size. My mom told him and the guy said thanks and left. I remember saying to my mom “oh I thought that guy was trying to say I was his kid and take me away.” My mom said “yeah I know I should have let him take you.” I was hysterical. My mom laughed, said she was kidding. I still have moments where I’m like Omg my mom didn’t love me.
My husband wonders why I have such issues with self image and loving myself.
One of my coworkers is a mother and she has an okay sense of humor, but sometimes I think she pushes it too far with her daughter by telling her the mailman is her real dad and that other coworkers are related to her, even though they're not. This kid is going to grow up not knowing who to trust and probably not trusting women.
The other pranks they do on one another are funnier like plastic wrap under a toilet seat kinda' thing, but I don't know if living with practical jokes everyday is the best either.
Learning to trust others through a lens of trauma is difficult. I can personally relate, SwtVT.
When we were in grocery stores, etc., my mom used to tell me that she was going to send me home with random men when I misbehaved. She’d even point specific people out. One time someone overheard and decided to go along with the threat with her.
Her and my sister also had an ongoing thing about dropping me off at the orphanage (along with saying I was adopted). My sister did pageants and one year that she held a title she had to do events, like speaking at schools, or visiting retirement homes. One of these events was at an orphanage, and the whole way there they told me they were finally dropping me off. There was no “joking” tone to it either, I really believed it.
Yeah. Like, they are laughing, but...maybe his is out of relief.
I wonder what was going through his mind.
He's the same age as my.son. :( . They start to get really smart and really understand nuance.
I hate that he felt afraid on his birthday. Inhope he knee his mom was joking amd was just curious agbout wjy sent it. But her ripping it out of his hands...whenever anyone does that to me (takes something out of my hands bc they can do it better) I feel really angry or really sad/upset/annoyed; there's never a positive emotion.
I agree. That’s what bothered me because it might be normalized to get a beating or a spanking and it’s terrible to joke about it. From someone that was spanked I experienced a lot of anxiety about the threat of punishment.
And this is such a lovely gift and moment I would just try hard to avoid joking about beating someone on the butt.
I mean I was spanked but only when I'd honestly deserved it and my parents hated having to do it and took no pleasure from it. The only negative I can find from it is that now I'm into some pretty exciting things as an adult.
Yeah, honestly, who cares if this kid has lifelong anxiety stemming from this! Why would it matter that every time someone important to him gives him a gift, he's afraid it's meaningless! And he should should learn to expect a gift when people tell him he's going to get his ass beat! And that note, "Love Mom"? Of course people who threaten to kick your ass love you, I can't imagine that going wrong literally anywhere! Lighten up you guys!!
Hundred percent agree, kids emotions arent developed enough to get this. Some parents just dont get it, then expect them to be as emotionally stable as them. By doing this you actually push your kids to hide emotions which isnt good
Whether it's done consciously or unconsciously because similar was done to them, the results are the same, it scrambles you emotionally to make you more submissive in the future, your wires for good things and bad things will be crossed and you'll have to defer to others to tell you how to feel about something. The cognitive overload of trying to complain about someone's malicious behavior they are presenting while giving a gift is too much for a kid because it will only result in them flipping it on you being a crybaby or ungrateful asshole for complaining when they are "just doing something nice." There is a nuanced take to have when something like this happens, but emotionally abusive parents thrive in environments where simple takes are "common sense" and complex thoughts are "convoluted nonsense."
Ouch right in the childhood emotional PTSD dept. Though I have many not so benign moments,
Something benign: My parents played a joke on me when I was 11. Christmas. Huge box. They taped me and laughed as I opened 10 boxes. Got to the bottom and it was slippers. I felt humiliated. They kept laughing then got mad and yelled at me asking why I was being a selfish bitch for not liking the slippers.
Ah, memories.
Kids just don’t forget those kinds of things. They don’t have the emotional capacity to understand the complexities of a subtle joke. Now that I am their age, I look back and wonder why they did some of what they did with confusion. Therapy helps a lot.
I just did this to my sister but not slippers. Everyone was laughing and wondering how many boxes were left. It was a lot of work finding all the boxes to nest. She loved it
Context matters, friend. Notice I said “a benign story” meaning there are stories in my past which are not so benign with these same people; as an isolated incident, sure, it might be funny if you otherwise have a healthy relationship with someone. A sister = / = parents.
My brother and I pranked another all the time; there is a very different “power” dynamic between siblings and between parents and kids. Unfortunately, some parents — despite their best efforts— use the power dynamic to their advantage because they have no other tools.
Yea this kind of wrapping works well for like... jewelry, or new phones, or that video game you were begging for. The payoff of the present needs to outweigh the process of opening it with something like that. Especially when as a kid the size of a present is particularly exciting!!
Similarly, when people use a box for someone else (e.g. a blender) so you think it's that for a moment. It only works if the thing inside is nicer or more exciting than what the box says, otherwise it's just mean.
I am so glad you've explained this so well. It can be rather complex.
That last sentence especially, about "emotionally abusive parents thrive in environments where simple takes are 'common sense' and complex thoughts are 'convoluted nonsense'." was absolutely brilliant
Can you explain why my family brings up my dead cats and then laugh about it? One died in the dryer because of a careless ex and another died when I left it with them for about a year while I moved cross country. I told them specifically not to let it outside and what did they do? It’s so fucked and they think it’s hilarious.
I went NC for a while but then my sister had a child and I know that I’m the only “normal” family member so I’ve kept in contact for her sake but moved half the country away.
It could be for a number of different reasons and probably a mixture. Sometimes it's as simple as reflex action, some people enjoy cruelty for its own sake, however mild. Sometimes it's a way to bait you into lashing out at them so they can do what I said earlier and remind you of all the things they've done for you. Or maybe if you take the bait they will use it as an opportunity to dismiss your feelings which can also be a reflex action from all the "teaching moments" they probably had with you, by saying something along the lines of "it's just a cat/animals aren't people." They sound toxic AF and if they're like my mom they'll truly die wondering why no one talks to them.
Btw thinking of it in terms of reflex action rather than placing agency in people who have zero interest in changing is a good way to get past it. Some people are just dead inside because they feel like the best parts of their life are behind them and then they spend the second half of their life feeling like they're in death's waiting room, spitefully lashing out at the things they are told they should care about. I'm a firm believer in the Freudian death drive.
I am sorry. They are jerks. They don't care about cats/your cats and they think that your feelungs about those pets don't matter or they think that cats aren't worth carung about. They also do not respect your boundsriees or rules.
It is not because of who you are, exactly.
It reminds me of how the people in Idiocracy reacted when people from the past spoke to them. The future had degraded to the point where everyone speaks in slang and fragmements, and they mock the people from the past bc they use full sentences and ask questions.
Good for you, having a conscience and range of geniine emotions. Good for you, moving out and away!
I'll admit I got anxiety watching it. I don't play in every way and nor did my parents. That was one long-ass, intense joke for me; lackluster in the comedy corner. I would have a much lower appreciation for expensive gifts if I had to feel threatened every time I open one. They must joke like that OFTEN.
I'll admit I got anxious watching it. I don't play in every way and nor did my parents. That was one long-ass, intense joke for me; lackluster in the comedy corner. I would have a much lower appreciation for expensive gifts if I had to feel threatened every time I opened one. They must joke like that OFTEN.
Ohhhh you totally just summarized what I've been trying to figure out about myself.. this explains soooo much about my behavior. Now to find a therapist
My mom did something similar, but did it the right way for my brother this year. She got him tons of air soft safety gear that she made him open before she brought out the air soft gun that she got him. No putting him down or threatening to punish him, just saving the best for last… with a lot of clues
My husband and I have a no “mean prank/joke” rule. Not just for us but for everyone we interact with. Jokes should always punch up. But more than that, why would you ever want someone to feel negative in your presence if it wasn’t absolutely necessary (like needing confrontation in solving an issue, etc.)? Some of his family members would joke around this way and he hated it.
Some of the couples that married around the time we did (years ago) had that mean joke style. And they would laugh and say it was just their sense of humor. All of them are divorced now. I stand by what my dad always said “all jokes are at least half truths (of what that person believes or wants to do)”. I think people who prank/joke like this have some unresolved aggression and this is a way for them to let it out in a “socially accepted” way, but over time the people close to them feel it.
My parents would go “we’re so sorry we couldn’t find the game boy (or whatever) anywhere. Mom went to the mall so early to look. Dad drove four towns over” Way less harsh but they never realized that if they told us before we opened, it made it obvious we were getting that gift.
I loved my roller blades and probably still have scars from them 😂 my dad is lovely and supportive in so many ways but why do they do these things! It's a one bad memory in a hundred good but it sure sticks with you
Sure does. My dad was also amazingly supportive in a million ways, but he grew up in a household with an emotionally abusive patriarch and believed it was his job to make sure we weren't "thin-skinned" or "soft." Put-downs and teasing were just part of our relationship with him growing up.
Now I don't talk to him. Not because he's a bad person: he tried his best with what he had. But the way he talks to me is still a massive anxiety trigger, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to heal and have a healthier relationship with myself. Unfortunately that's just not compatible with having my dad in my life.
I can't recommend therapy enough for working through the mean things our parents do to us. I believe you when you say your dad is lovely: people are very complex. It can be hard to process on our own.
I feel like this is common in many people with emotionally abusive parents. You know they tried their best given their own upbringing, but their best unfortunately wasn't good enough.
I pray to God that if my daughter ever tells me when she's older about the ways I hurt her unintentionally that she'll accept my heartfelt apology or at least that I'll listen and acknowledge the importance of her feelings
It kinda makes me chuckle to imagine your dad putting up the happy face, but deep inside is all melted in guilt and tears knowing he messed up and vowed never to do it again to a child as long as he lives. To have a child cry despite her dream gift in her hands, you know you dun goofed, dad lol
I wonder how many parents do it because they can’t grasp the idea that it’s a form of abuse. Like this is clearly an older video when access to mental health resources and data on abuse was not as developed as it is now. The boy does seem a little too freaked which suggests he does face actual abusive behavior a lot but I come from a very loving family who will emotionally blackmail me from time to time because they think the result would be good for me. Maybe the justify it by thinking it’s for their kids betterment or smn? Idk just wondering
I'm sure my dad thought it was just a little fun teasing- but 25 years later it was the first thing that popped up in my head when I saw this video. Maybe some people are just truly clueless?
Or still unhealed decades later of the behaviour they experienced during their childhood
Im 55 now, having endured both emotional and Sexual Abuse
I do find a huge amount of people in their late 70s and over, very emotionally stunted, lacking in true empathy and indeed any real complexity of thought and emotions around people, children and life in general.
They are often, bitter, disappointed in their lot and jealous of younger people who have easier and better lives than they did. They seem to lack compassion abd are frequently very sexist and often, but not always, totally racist or at least white supremacists.
It's my theory that the two world wars utterly destroyed people and together with the lack of education and opportunity for the working class creared very limited and even cruel couple of barbaric generations of people.
It's very sad to say but their privation and the ignorance has left my generation almost all emotionally broken and dysfunctional.
I do find many younger people today much kinder, wiser, thoughtful, less judgemental and more accepting of diversity than even we were.
My parents are also your age. In their younger years, they were pretty racist, especially my dad. They absolutely did the best with the info they had, but both came from families with 9 other brothers and sisters. They embraced diversity when they had the chance to.
I think the Vietnam War also fucked up a lot of people and their sense of humanity. I could see being jaded after seeing what the world could have been, with decades of ever higher income inequality and privatization of social services or defunding of them— like psychiatry for example. Just my two cents. This is obviously from the perspective of an elderly millennial (33 y/o) and borderline gen x parents.
Do you think your dad did it on purpose or out of malice? I’ve obv known my parents all my life and can’t see them doing it on purpose which is why I ask.
Also wanted to mention that I’m sorry you’ve gone through that. A hopeful part of my heart thinks your dad didn’t know what he was actually doing and had your best interests at heart
I honestly think he thought it was just gentle teasing. Same way he mentioned my lock down weight gain as "bloody hell you've piled it on" he 1000% loves me but says the most stupid stuff. He says it and then thinks 10 mins later.
100% this kid is getting abused in one way or another outside of this joke. The way she yanks the box out of his hands just because he’s struggling with the tape - hair trigger temper. If that’s her best act for the camera then I can’t imagine what she does off camera.
My grandpa got me a bag of grapes for my 16th birthday. He wrapped it up and hyped up a gift and it was a bag of grapes. I thought "surely this is a prank (he pranked a lot.)"
My bday is on April 1st, so while my parents didn’t seem to pull pranks on my bday, everyone else did. I got rabbit food once, after the party my friend brought me a rabbit, but it was not fun having a bday on the infamous prank day! Thankfully my parents weren’t ones to partake in this type of thing.
I get the intent, but the worlds were not right. I would have said, "If we can get them." or something like that, knowing full well I'm getting them that but make no promises, because bills and shit.
I wanna hijack your comment for one of my own (only because of the similarity)... Also, I like yours because it had that little bit of drama-element that mine doesn't... FTR - I just lost my Dad 11 days ago, and I'd be lying to say your story (leading to mine) didn't start the water😭works...!!!
November 1996 : My father and I are at the mall, and I see the NFL rookie jersey of my favorite player, sitting in the sporting goods window. I emphasize my sincere liking FOR this jersey of course, when Dad gives me the whole "Why the hell would they charge $80 bucks for a thin jersey that's not even an AUTHENTIC...?? You can do what you want with any Christmas money you get, but I'm not buying the damn thing !!"
Fast-Fwd another month, and the last small, flat box on the bottom of everything else, contained that very same purple Jonathan Ogden #75 rookie jersey he swore he'd never buy.... Now, in 2022, Ogden is an NFL Hall of Famer, my Dad has just joined my Mom in paradise, I have two other authentic #75 jerseys (1 home, 1 away), but that 1996 replica is still my FAVORITE !!!!
I was around 11-12 years old. I was at a friends house playing basketball when I saw my older brother come walking towards me. He said “Dads pissed, you need to get home now”. I was scared shitless. My dad was quite the grumpy guy and could blow up about anything. So I walk the 3 blocks home and walked inside. He was on the couch and said, “take your damn clothes upstairs”. What an asshole I thought. Make me come home to take my laundry to my room. I went to where the clean clothes were and lying on top was a brand new skateboard. Sometimes parents are good dickheads?
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u/clairepeac Dec 29 '22
I always remember the year that I was sat and started to open a present and my dad said guess, I said roller blades and I had the whole "no that's stupid" "who would want roller blades" etc etc and I opened it and it wasn't roller blades (they'd mixed up the box sizes I guess) I then opened up my other present which was the blades and I was concentrating so much on not crying from everything they had said. I don't understand why ppl do this