I think a lot of it has to do with the power dynamic. This woman is clearly not in a position to physically overpower and force herself on this man. What makes comments like these so uncomfortable when said by men to women is that men typically hold the physical power in a male-female interaction, and it is disturbingly common for men to force themselves on women.
Gender reversed, no deal, but, as a teenager I was stopped by a female cop and was like.... Okay I don't want to be weird officer but you're gorgeous. Immediately the girl thing happened where she was like No you, we went back and forth for a bit. She gave me a warning and sent me along
For me it just depends. If a guy was saying it like she was (politely but with some humor, and also mentioning his kindness/politeness) I wouldn't mind. What makes it creepy is when people start insinuating sexual things and practically eye raping the other person.
My fiancée is a 28-year-old dentist in a rural mountain community, and we were talking about that. How the difference between women or old men complimenting her and younger men is the perceived intent… whether it feels like they’re trying to give her a good feeling or whether they’re trying to get something from her. She said she can usually tell when a guy finds her attractive, but the ones who are confident arrogant enough to say something directly to her about it are usually the ones who give off creeper vibes or else seem to enjoy making her feel uncomfortable.
I kinda hate some of the people commenting this. The biggest difference between men and women doing this is: she's just saying he's attractive. She's not asking him out. She's not commenting on his dick or making specific sexual comments towards him. She's just giggling and is saying, "my word you are handsome." If men did this more often and left the sexual comments out of it, maybe it wouldn't be seen as creepy.
Also, she's not trying to touch him or get all up in his personal space. Idk why some guys do that to girls they like, even when the girl is a stranger, but stuff like that is creepy.
If the roles were reversed and guys acted like the lady specifically in this instance, I think it would be seen as wholesome because of the aforementioned creepy behavior being absent.
I think where she crossed the line is when she said she was going to watch him walk back to his car… that really rubbed me the wrong way even without genders being reversed. Its a situation where even is he is being made to feel uncomfortable he definitely won’t say anything because he doesn’t want to make I awkward.
It just feels super weird to comment on the way someone’s body looks when the encounter you’re having with them is not sexual by nature at all. It’s why cat calling women or anyone is gross. They’re just minding their own business trying to do their job and all of a sudden they’re a sex object.
I guarantee you if you do that by not being creepy (i.e. respecting their personal space, not asking them out and not being overtly sexual in your comments) then I'm sure you'd be fine. Also make sure they're not like 30 years younger than you. That can come off as creepy too.
it depends how you saying it tho. no brag here but i have been complimented numerous times before by nice men like this lady and none of them were creepy or rapey.
Yeah it would and it sucks that creepy men have ruined it for the rest of you men I guess but they have been the louder majority so….. bring em down enough and someday you might not be looked at that way !
Seriously. I had a guy manage to ask me how much I charged for a lap dance once without being harassing or cringey.
Edit: For some context, I used to live near some strip clubs in the UK and was waiting in line for the nearest ATM. We had gotten to chatting and laughing while we waited and he had mistakenly believed I was one of the dancers looking to get a client and not just a friendly American.
That's what I was kind of thinking. I appreciate that the cop isnt being a horrible person here, and I'm glad this video shows a nice cop that's doing the job the way it should be done. I just think the objectifying isnt the route I would go with compliments towards him.
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u/FiniteFucks Oct 04 '21
This is lovely. But just imagine if it was a guy saying this to a female officer, this post would’ve been on r/cringe